


Inextricable

by Mishka_kitty



Series: bond-mates au [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Emotional Confusion, Feels, I call this cannon divergent but that's just me, M/M, Probably ooc, because I wanted to write a scene with Ciel having to tend to him for once, crazy random demoness, mates au, mental bond, possessive demons, possessive human, unabashd fluffies, yes Sebastian is the one who gets hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:21:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6939424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishka_kitty/pseuds/Mishka_kitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>. . . Angry, he tried again to pull away from Sebastian, to climb out of his lap. Another one of those warning growls rumbled in the demon's chest, but he let Ciel go, letting the reality of the situation speak for itself.</p><p>Ciel slid from Sebastian's lap, flashing a triumphant look at him, and turned away. And felt his breath catch in his chest, a painfully familiar sensation from countless asthma attacks. He took a step towards the tea cart a few feet away and nearly collapsed as his body trembled with a sense of absolute wrongness. Something vital was missing from his immediate perception.</p><p>Then hands landed lightly on his shoulders and turned him around to face Sebastian. "If you are trying to prove something, I think you have made your point. This is no more comfortable for me than it is for you."<br/>. . .<br/>When Ciel discovers demons have needs like any other being, his pride and jealousy give rise to a rather foolish order. Four years later, this decision results in a drastically altered future and a relationship which neither Ciel nor Sebastian could have expected. The question is, are they willing to put in the work to build the true partnership they both need?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooo... this took roughly 5 months to write and is still in the edit process but I figured, what the hell, let's post. I have no patience for waiting and I especially HATE the stories that take 6 months between updates or, even worse, those ones that are really good but are never finished. so knowing my horrible track record of starting out with an idea and never finishing the story, I wanted to have it completely written before posting. so even if no one likes this crap, I'm proud of myself because this is not only the longest thing I've ever finished, but the longest thing I've written. And it actually makes sense!  
> If anyone wants to know, I actualy have quite a large head cannon for this au for some reason. No idea how that happened, it just sort of grew. like a fungus. but I'm a sucker for the fluffies and the psychic bonds so yeah.  
> I plan to update every Sunday and Wednesday.  
> Thanks to [Harlequinade13](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Harlequinade13/pseuds/Harlequinade13) for the beta. no, seriously. I will admit it, I nag  
> To whom it may concern,  
> [here's a playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhXjT-HMY7B9Y9GOZ__rkt7zchEk4B9yd)

December 1886

"Explain yourself, demon!"

The words snapped through the air between the earl and his butler like a whip. From where Ciel sat behind his desk, small body all but swallowed by the huge chair, he glared with cold fury at the demon standing across from him. The butler only stood, calm and collected as ever, with hands clasped behind his back and expression blank. And this, of course, simply enraged the young earl further.

"Forgive me, my lord. I had to leave."

"For five days? Without informing me, let alone requesting permission? Do tell me, Sebastian, what could have possibly been so vital?" Ciel's words dripped with derision. He was not at all inclined to 'forgive' this vial creature any time soon.

Sebastian sighed that characteristic sigh that always made Ciel want to slap him, even when he was in a good mood. "Young master, you would have been much angrier with me had I stayed. I feel I would have done something inexcusable."

Ciel just glared steadily into that impassive, crimson gaze. What the devil was he on about anyway? All Ciel knew was that the past five days had been the worst he'd had in the past year. With his butler nowhere to be found, Ciel was forced to realize just how incompetent he was on his own. He did not like it. On top of that, Bard really was a terrible cook. Between that pyromaniac chef and clumsy maid, his kitchen was in shambles. But truthfully, he just missed Sebastian's cakes. At least Finnian had managed not to kill the garden.

Yet, for all that, what irked him the most was much simpler than all of the minor inconveniences. Sebastian had left him with no warning and no word of explanation and Ciel found himself terrified. For the past year, he'd become so accustomed to the demon's protective presence that he'd begun taking it for granted without realizing how much he depended on it. When that shield was suddenly gone, he panicked. He'd gotten all of perhaps eight hours of sleep since Sebastian's disappearance, plagued by nightmares that he thought he'd banished months ago. And then there was the restlessness. He had no idea what Sebastian could have been doing, but something had bled over their connection into Ciel's head and he couldn't shake it for the life of him. He was only ever tangentially aware of that connection, but apparently, when his demon's emotions were high enough, the ability to sense it went both ways.

Ciel was still awaiting further explanation of Sebastian's actions, but the demon was silent again.

"You did not answer my question, Sebastian," Ciel said coldly. He was in no mood for the demon's usual games and evasions.

"I had to attend to a . . . personal matter, my lord," Sebastian finally answered, expression not changing in the slightest.

Ciel growled in frustration. "Answer me plainly. What were you doing!"

Another put upon sigh, as though Ciel were being nothing more than a spoiled child. Ciel wished very much in that moment that he could strangle this infuriating creature.

"I was sating my natural urges in such a way that would not bring harm to my master."

Which, of course, didn't explain a damn thing.

"Are you literally incapable of explaining yourself fully?" Ciel snapped. "What does that even mean?"

Finally, that blank expression morphed into annoyance and the demon slammed his palms down on the desktop as he leaned towards Ciel, eyes burning. "I very much doubt that you will have noticed, but the winter solstice was three days ago." Ciel opened his mouth to demand what the hell that had to do with anything, but Sebastian cut him off before he could say a word. "The solstice, the darkest day of the year, is the prime mating period for demons. It is a frenzy that none of us can control. The urge builds over the week leading up to that date, and decreases gradually to a manageable level over the following week. So I left for this period, knowing I would not have very much control over my own actions. I would have been less than useless to you. But, more importantly, I very easily could have killed you inadvertently."

Ciel's eyes widened in shock. "Why?"

"Because you would have been the object of my lust."

Ciel studied the demon closely, his face smoothing out into an unreadable expression. Sebastian held his gaze and kept silent, waiting.

The young earl wasn't surprised that demons should have a mating frenzy. Though he had to wonder why Sebastian should choose him specifically when there were several other, perfectly viable, options in this very house.

"And you know this for certain?" he inquired, his tone once again flat and matter-of-fact.

The demon simply nodded. "Yes, my lord."

"And you would have killed me?"

"It is likely, as I suspect you would not have been willing."

Ciel's brow furrowed in a slight frown. "And what would my willingness have to do with your ability to check your strength?"

"If you fought me, I would have been inclined to subdue you; I would have responded to violence with violence. And if you held out on me, I would have had no mind to be careful."

"You speak as though there is a possibility that I could survive such an experience," Ciel deadpanned. "If the frenzy lasts for that long, a mere human body could not possibly endure."

"A few drops of my blood could heal and sustain you," Sebastian said very quietly.

The demon's gaze had softened into confused curiosity. Ciel knew Sebastian was restraining the urge to inquire what was on his master's mind; he determinedly gave nothing away.

So that was the cause of that strange restlessness. That feeling that his clothes were too hot and constricting, his skin too sensitive. He had noticed the recent changes in his body and he understood their meaning, but it honestly had not occurred to him that his discomfort stemmed from lust. Despite the information he'd gained from the book he'd found on a high shelf in the library and secretly read in the dead of night, he had no realistic idea of how such passion felt trapped beneath the skin. He had been determined not to subject himself to the humiliation of asking anyone, especially not Sebastian, when he'd begun having vague dreams that left him breathless and sweating. Nor when he'd begun noticing other people based on their physical attractions. The book had explained most of his questions. Though he only found a very brief mention of why the change should set in so early; the author apparently had no idea. He did not find any explanation as to why he should be noticing both Lizzie's soft hands and bright eyes as well as the lean, strong lines of Sebastian's body and the way the light played in his ebony hair. Ciel resolved to ignore that part. So much for that notion.

More than his desire to never have to endure the past days' irritation again, Ciel's jealousy was rising. Irrational as it probably was, Sebastian belonged to him, at least until the end, and Ciel would have all of him. He had never been good at sharing.

"Young master?" Sebastian asked softly. He still leaned on his hands, face close to Ciel's, eyes studying him minutely.

"What?" Ciel murmured distractedly.

But could he handle it? Pride and desire were one thing, but Ciel was not foolish and his stubbornness was not worth agony.

"My lord, what are you contemplating?" Sebastian asked, sounding almost wary.

Ciel only answered the question with another question. "So you are telling me that were I willing, you could restrain yourself enough so as not to severely injure me?"

"Well, I . . . young master, what are you thinking?"

"Answer the question, Sebastian."

Sebastian sighed. "Yes, I believe I could. I do not wish to injure you after all."

Ciel nodded. "Then," he said quietly, "next year, give the others the week off. And stay."

Sebastian's eyes widened even though he'd half expected this. Still, to actually hear it confirmed . . .

"My lord? Are you certain of this? If I stay, and you then change your mind, I will not stop no matter your orders. And, if I may be frank, I cannot be certain how well you will be able to handle such . . . activity. Our size difference alone could be a problem."

"I expect so," Ciel said calmly. "But if you're going to leave me in such a state with no respite, you should be the one to alleviate the discomfort, don't you think?"

The demon frowned at him. "I'm sorry, my lord?"

Ciel crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "I could feel it, Sebastian. Your need. For the past five days I've been unable to sit still, let alone get anything done. The dreams weren't the only reason I got no sleep."

"I see," Sebastian murmured. "I apologize, young master. I truly have never realized such a thing was possible. Most of us typically try to be free of a contract during this time and the few times I could not do that . . . well it was never mentioned. I suppose because they always had their own ways of dealing with such things. Also, I had not thought one quite so young . . ." He trailed off and Ciel did not deign to respond. He just watched the demon silently as a wicked grin slowly spread across the beautiful face. "So then, you wish me to stay in order to sate your own need as much as mine?"

Ciel shrugged. "Well, and frankly, Bard is a truly terrible cook. Not to mention, none of them have the slightest idea how to make proper tea."

Sebastian chuckled, amusement flashing behind his eyes. "Quite, my young lord. I do apologize for leaving you in the care of such incompetent servants."

"Hmph."

But Sebastian seemed less than interested in this topic. His eyes were burning again. And this time Ciel didn't think it was anger fanning those flames. What had he said? The solstice was only three days ago and the need only gradually faded over the course of a week. Well, this may begin much sooner than he'd originally anticipated.

"My lord, if I may, I do not believe your first experience in bed with me should be during the time when my control is weakest and I will be much less inclined to take care."

One hand lifted from the desktop and reached out. The ghost of a caress brushed against Ciel's cheek and the young earl suddenly felt very hot. Those eyes were boring into him, burning holes straight into his soul. And he wasn't altogether certain that was metaphorical.

"My lord," Sebastian repeated softly. "Your work can wait a while longer. Come with me?"

Ciel hesitated a second, uncertainty of what was about to happen making him slightly nervous. Then he swallowed his misgivings and stood. He'd asked for this after all.

"Yes, Sebastian."


	2. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! like really. I didn't expect anyone to even pay attention to this until maybe at least a few chapters in but I posted, went to bed, and had 5 comments when I woke. Seriously thank you. now I just hope the story I've written lives up to your expectations.

December 1890

Ciel screamed. His cry was matched by a feral growl from the demon whose fingers dug into his hips, sharp claws drawing scarlet lines against bruised, porcelain flesh.

Ciel's back arched as Sebastian thrust again and again and again, it seemed with even more force than before. Was that possible? He didn't know. He couldn't think. He screamed again but this time his exhausted voice gave out. A low sound of satisfaction from his partner sent a nearly violent shiver through him and he reached back to wrap his hand in that long hair, pulling harshly. He earned another rough growl in response and strong hands seized him by the waist, yanking him clean off the bed. Ciel cried out hoarsely as those claws pierced his flesh and whined when he felt Sebastian withdraw from him. But a split second later he was back, having spun Ciel around and slammed his back against the wall, pinning him there with the force of his renewed assault. Ciel tried to wrap his legs around the demon's waist to support himself, his nails raking bloody furrows down Sebastian's back in turn.

Still, he was slipping. So with another frustrated snarl, the demon flipped him again and forced him to his knees once more on the bloodstained sheets. Ciel never released his hold on that long, luxurious hair; he knew how the sting of the pull drove the demon insane. He was so very close to the edge, lost in a constant onslaught of sensation. He had no idea if the demon's brutality was really injuring him, though logically no human body was built to withstand the unfettered lusts of Hell. But pleasure and pain were tangled together and his brain no longer knew the difference.

Sharp teeth sank into his nape, drawing another silent scream from his throat. Powerful hips ground against him, a low, continuous growl vibrating through his bones as a surprisingly gentle tongue licked the blood welling from the fresh teeth marks. Ciel spasmed, fingers tearing at Sebastian's hair and the sheets as his body struggled to expel its seed despite having none left to give. His muscles twitched and quivered, completely beyond his control by now. He felt Sebastian shudder and scalding liquid filling him. Ciel whimpered brokenly. He was soaked, so wet that he felt he would never be "clean again. But he wanted more. He needed more. The lust pouring off Sebastian twined around them both and trapped them in an animalistic haze.

Ciel collapsed. His muscles clenched involuntarily as Sebastian, still very much erect, withdrew from him. The demon purred in his ear, pinning the small human beneath his larger body, tracing the marks he'd left on that pale flesh with his tongue. Ciel couldn't have moved even if Sebastian had allowed it. Senseless colors and shapes danced before his eyes and his mind was completely devoid of any coherent thought. Even Sebastian's touch seemed very far away right now. As though it were just a memory his mind was tricking him into believing. He knew his grip on consciousness was slipping but he hadn't the ability to care. How long had it been? How long was there still to go before the frenzy would release them to the sweet restoration of sleep?

"Drink."

The rough voice was quiet, lips just brushing Ciel's ear. Fingers lightly brushed his lips, coaxing them to part. Ciel obeyed automatically, only just now realizing the demon had turned him over onto his back. Sebastian tipped his cupped palm towards Ciel's open mouth, dribbling a few drops of a liquid so dark it was nearly black onto his tongue.

"Swallow," he commanded gently.

Ciel did. The substance burned its way down his throat, lighting his nerves on fire even as it worked its way with unnatural speed into his system, forcing his body to rebuild its damaged tissues. Ciel's eyelids flickered open to see Sebastian's bright red eyes, burning like fiery pits, staring back at him, watching for the signs that he was coming back to life. The demon smiled, showing far too many teeth, sharp fangs stained red glinting in the candlelight.

"There we are. You know I am not finished with you yet."

As if to prove his point, Sebastian reached down and grabbed Ciel's own still hard member, squeezing roughly. Ciel whined loudly. It would have hurt if he wasn't so delirious from the drug of a demon's passion. As it was, Ciel scratched his nails down Sebastian's arms and clung to his wrists.

"I need a moment," he managed to gasp, his voice rough and completely unrecognizable. "Or you wasted your blood for nothing."

"No matter. Just stay where you are."

Ciel didn't need to ask what Sebastian intended. Years of such close interaction had given them an almost telepathic understanding of the other. In the bedroom it was no different, even with all sense drowned by a single need. Besides, it was fairly obvious.

Ciel groaned helplessly as Sebastian lowered his hips and impaled himself on his human. The demon let out a groan to match Ciel's as he ground his hips down, clenching his inner walls around the length inside of him. Ciel's fingers dug into the strong thighs, hard enough to leave bruises on any human, and he thrust up as hard as he could in this position. Sebastian growled and began to move. He was no more gentle with himself than he'd been with Ciel and Ciel was quickly lost once more to the inferno.

* * *

Ciel woke some indeterminable time later to the familiar, comforting smell of tea. He stretched without opening his eyes, every muscle protesting. His body was not happy with him. All his injuries were healing thanks to the demon's own blood, though aches and pains still lingered in his overused muscles. Despite the soreness, he was more content now than he ever was. Only the promise of hot tea coaxed him out of his warm cocoon of blankets.

Yawning, he pushed back the covers, shivering a bit. Though it was not as cold as he'd expected; Sebastian had obviously built up the fire at some point. He squinted his eyes against the bright light seeping in between the part in the drapes and tried to convince himself that sitting up was worth the effort.

"Ah, so you are finally awake."

Sebastian's soft, laughing voice came from some place to his left and for the first time Ciel consciously registered that he was alone in the bed. His heart seemed to stop. Suddenly, he didn't care about his sore muscles or even the winter chill; he couldn't feel either. An overwhelming and completely unexpected panic suddenly assaulted him and he reached out, searching blindly.

"Sebastian!"

A low gasp and then gloved hands were grasping Ciel's tightly. "I am here. What is wrong?"

Ciel tightened his fingers around the hands in his with panicky strength and trembled. "You're too far away," he whispered, not really sure what he was even saying.

And Sebastian understood the crawling discomfort which had plagued him from the second he'd left the bed to fetch food for Ciel. He was too far away.

Without thinking, Sebastian moved closer, sitting on the edge of the bed. He was not surprised when Ciel immediately crawled over and scrambled into his lap. The demon instinctively wrapped his arms around the tiny, naked body, holding him safe.

And they both froze.

"What the hell was that?" Ciel's voice was shaky but was quickly regaining its usual force. "Why the hell did I just nearly have a heart attack just because you were more than two inches away?"

"Um, I . . ."

For the first time in Ciel's memory, Sebastian sounded completely lost. It scared him much more than he would ever admit. Honestly, the whole situation was scaring him. Because for a second, for that second in which he didn't know precisely where the demon was, he had felt as though his heart was literally being torn from his chest. Which was utterly stupid. He was stiff and thirsty and hungry and his mind was still slightly hazy from sleep. He did not need this.

"I don't need this any more than you do," Sebastian spoke suddenly, tone harsh.

Ciel finally lifted his head to stare directly into those hellish eyes. "I didn't say that aloud. I know I didn't say that." Sebastian blinked slowly at him. "And you . . . you're afraid." Ciel's eyes widened in realization. And how did he know that?

Sebastian recoiled in shock. "I am no such thing." The response was automatic; the very reaction Ciel would have had were their positions reversed. Then Sebastian did a double take. "Master? Why did you say that?"

"Because . . . I feel it," Ciel answered slowly.

He frowned, eyebrows knit in consternation. He was finally shaking off the vestiges of sleep and the more alert he became, the more he realized something was wrong. Wrong on the inside of his own head. If nothing else, that strange panic confirmed it.

To test his suspicions, Ciel tried to pull away from Sebastian's hold. The demon growled, a surprisingly angry sound, and Ciel froze. A spike of possessive rage shot through his mind, but it didn't belong to him. The rising unease and almost physical discomfort at the prospect of not being in physical contact with the demon—that he could claim. Ciel let himself relax back against Sebastian's chest, both of them calming immediately. Now Ciel was simply annoyed.

"You have an idea what this is," he accused. He had no doubt he was right.

Sebastian sighed, a deeply weary sound. "Yes."

Ciel waited.

But instead of answering, Sebastian leaned in close to Ciel's face. Two fingers pried his right eyelid open and held as Ciel tried to blink it closed against the discomfort of the cold air. The demon leaned even closer, staring as though he'd never seen the mark before. His expression was opaque and that strange new sense Ciel seemed to have gained of Sebastian's thoughts was telling him nothing useful. His demon seemed to be torn between awe and dismay and, yes, a touch of fear.

"Sebastian, tell me what is going on. That's an order." Ciel's confusion and worry expressed itself in the form of fury.

Yet still the demon didn't speak. Ciel was shocked into silence as he tried to keep a tight grip on his rising fear. Not once since the formation of their contract had Sebastian not immediately responded to those three words in some way. Now, he was completely still, not even breathing, staring at Ciel's eye, which was now aching from being kept open so long.

"Sebastian?" His voice was much weaker than he'd intended, betraying his alarm.

"I did not intend to do this," Sebastian whispered at last. "I didn't even know I could do this."

"What are you talking about!"

"I am sorry, Ciel," he said, finally taking his fingers away from Ciel's eye and allowing him to close it. "I cannot tell you what will happen now."

Ciel braced his hands on Sebastian's shoulders, staring up at him. "Did you . . . did you just sincerely apologize to me?" Ciel was quite certain this was a first.

"Yes. This changes everything. Everything. And I'm not entirely certain what all of the consequences will be. But it cannot be undone now."

"If you don't tell me what the hell is going on in the next three seconds . . ."

A familiar smirk flickered across Sebastian's face. Ciel flinched as he actually felt the sardonic amusement behind the expression. "I think we both know that is an empty threat. What could you do?"

Ciel growled in impotent frustration. "Fine, I don't even care. Just make it stop so I can eat. I'm starving."

"That is not even close to starving," Sebastian snorted. "And I already said, I cannot undo this."

Ciel opened his mouth. And closed it, unable to find any retort to that. Angry, he tried again to pull away from Sebastian, to climb out of his lap. Another one of those warning growls rumbled in the demon's chest, but he let Ciel go, letting the reality of the situation speak for itself.

Ciel slid from Sebastian's lap, flashing him a triumphant look, and turned away. And felt his breath catch in his chest, a painfully familiar sensation from countless asthma attacks. He took a step towards the tea cart a few feet away and nearly collapsed as his body trembled with a sense of absolute wrongness. Something vital was missing from his immediate perception.

Then hands landed lightly on his shoulders and turned him around to face Sebastian. "If you are trying to prove something, I think you have made your point. This is no more comfortable for me than it is for you. Don't be stubborn."

Ciel blinked rapidly and tried to process what was happening to him. The pain of separation, for lack of a better description, had eased with the touch of Sebastian's hands. But what had happened? Since when did sex, even the intense experience of the solstice, leave him literally unable to move away from the demon?

Now truly afraid, Ciel's voice was uncharacteristically small when he spoke: "Sebastian, please. What is this? This is not normal."

The demon sighed. "This is our new normal. But I do believe the separation will become easier until it is no longer a problem. I am just not certain how long that will take."

"But why?"

Another deep sigh. "This will be a long conversation." Without letting go of Ciel, Sebastian reached out and pulled the cart closer to the bed. "You should eat."

Ciel did not protest as Sebastian urged him to sit and placed a tray across his lap. Though he kept his eyes fixed on the demon as though afraid he would vanish if Ciel so much as blinked. He therefore couldn't miss the way Sebastian's eyes kept flicking to his own right eye as if checking to make certain his memory was not fooling him.

Sebastian handed Ciel a cup of Earl Gray before settling himself on the bed beside him. Almost without thinking about it, Ciel reached out to rest a hand on Sebastian's leg, simply for the sake of the physical contact. He breathed the steam from his tea, letting the perfectly normal action ground him. Suddenly, nothing felt normal.

Sebastian waited until Ciel had swallowed his first bite before finally speaking. "I will try to explain this as concisely as possible, but there is quite a bit that I do not yet understand. For instance, I'm not sure why this has happened now and not before. Do not ask me that." Ciel started to speak but Sebastian cut him off. "I will tell you what I know and then we can attempt to work out what to do. I will not hesitate to admit this is entirely new territory for me," he sighed.

And suddenly Ciel was struck by just how old this being was. How long had Sebastian lived anyway? He'd never asked; he'd never cared before. Now, for the first time, it occurred to him that the competence he depended on every day was born of centuries of mistakes and experiences he knew nothing about. This idea strangely saddened him. Not that Sebastian should have lived so long, but that he, Ciel, could never know half of what he had lived through. And why should he even care to know the life story of a demon, anyway?

"Perhaps because we are only humans with all pretence and inhibitions stripped away," Sebastian said dryly. "Your kind calls us wicked and evil and the celestial realms condemn us for simply being what we are. But I'm sure the animals upon which humans prey for sustenance or sport would feel much the same if you could ask them. But I am getting off track."

"Fine then," Ciel said, fork held forgotten in his hand as he studied his demon's face. "Give me the simplest explanation."

Sebastian was silent for a moment, considering. Finally, he spoke softly, carefully: "We are no longer in a contract; the agreement we forged nearly five years ago has been dissolved and altered, eclipsed by a much deeper connection. You still belong to me, Ciel Phantomhive. But I cannot consume the soul of the one bonded to me as my eternal mate."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know. that's how I start a story that turns out to be rather introspective. typical.


	3. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is a dialog heavy chapter but you gotta fit the explanations in somewhere. next chapter includes more random smut so incentive there

The silence stretched out long after Sebastian stopped speaking. Ciel sat still, trying and failing to string his thoughts together into a coherent sentence. There were so very many questions that needed to be asked, but Ciel couldn't seem to decide which one to voice first. Let alone actually get the words past his lips. Sebastian simply watched him, waiting for Ciel to gather his wits.

Finally, Ciel managed to pick one concern out of the many clouding his mind. "What do you mean, the contract is dissolved? I thought it couldn't be broken." Ciel's voice was flat. It was easier to depend on cold logic than to fight through the storm of emotion and confusion.

Sebastian reached over and gently tapped the hand holding the fork. "Eat."

Ciel rolled his eyes and took another bite. Honestly, he had more important things to worry about just now. Although, his stomach wasn't interested in his mental crises.

"It is true that breaking a contract is rare and difficult but . . . it's not unheard of."

Ciel took another bite of food to buy himself time to think. Really, it was a pity he was too distressed to taste it. "But we are still connected?"

"Yes."

"Explain."

Yet another sigh. Ciel had never realized how much time this demon spent sighing. "Somehow, I unconsciously initiated the mate bond. And unconsciously, you accepted. It would not have taken if both parties were not willing."

Ciel glared. "How the hell can I have agreed to something I didn't know existed?"

"It is an agreement based on instinct. And I suppose, in hindsight, I should have suspected something," Sebastian murmured.

Ciel opened his mouth to demand an explanation on that statement, then realized there were other questions which needed addressing first. He tucked the comment away for later interrogation.

"All right, so explain this mate thing. What does that mean precisely?"

Sebastian shifted into a more comfortable position, settling in for what he knew would be a lengthy explanation. The concept really wasn't so complicated, but trust Ciel to find complexity and ask every question to which Sebastian did not have an answer.

"Demons are generally solitary creatures. We can form alliances and cordial relations, but we are not social as humans are. Therefore, it is significant when a demon finds another with whom they are willing to closely associate. That is the basis of the mate bond. It is a connection based on mutual protection, combined strength, and possession. I have never wanted a mate, never considered I would find one. I also did not know that it was possible to form such a bond with a human. Thus, I am not at all certain how this will affect you in the long-term."

Ciel continued mechanically eating, eyes fixed on Sebastian's face as he spoke. He absorbed the information, feeling detached. It was his logical mind which had saved him from a nervous breakdown on many occasions. So he focused on the practicalities.

"But what does it mean for me now?"

A flash of annoyance showed in the demon's eyes, though his voice was calm. "I don't know. I hope the worst of the separation anxiety will not last very long or neither of us will get anything done. But I don't know how long it will take. I know it is common for newly bonded mates to disappear together for anywhere from a year to a decade. And even mates who have been bonded for centuries are rarely far from one another. It is difficult to protect what's yours if you are not nearby."

Ciel set his fork down across the empty plate and leaned back into Sebastian's side. Part of him wanted to fight this overwhelming need for closeness, but what good would that really do him. It would be foolish to make himself uncomfortable and unable to think just for the sake of his pride. And besides, considering the possessiveness he sensed from Sebastian, it was likely that the demon would not allow him to move.

And there was the core of his fear, really. The basis of their entire association had been the contract on which Ciel relied for protection against the demon's more brutal nature. He had accepted that at the end, he would likely be subjected to quite a bit of revenge for his own transgressions. But that was fine; Sebastian would have earned the right to do what he liked by the terms of their agreement and Ciel would not go back on his word. Now though . . . Now he had no idea what to feel. He was relieved somewhere deep down that he would not be consumed in one swallow and be forgotten; no matter what he chose, the survival instinct was strong. He was also somehow ashamed that he, however unintentionally, had broken his word, the only real piece of honor he had left to cherish. And then there was fear. Because without the binds of the contract protecting him, what would the demon do with him? He had no defenses left. And twining through all of this was a strange lightness, a tentative happiness, because in the darkest corner of his mind, a secret had hidden for quite some time now. It was hard not to become attached to the one being who knew you better than anyone ever could or would, to whom you could grant your only trust, who held your very life in his hands.

"I could not hurt you if I wanted to," Sebastian answered Ciel's thoughts. "I would feel it."

"This is unbelievable," Ciel muttered, closing his eyes tiredly.

"Unexpected, certainly."

Ciel tried to analyze the foreign emotions lacing through his own. It was a strange experience, as though his consciousness was suddenly lost in a vast, alien landscape of thought and memory that he could just barely understand. Honestly, it was giving him a headache. Even so, he could sense the dominant emotions: uncertainty tempered by a deep seeded contentment. He was surprised to find no true regret.

"I do not regret this."

"Stop doing that!"

Sebastian chuckled. "I cannot help it. You are all but screaming at me."

"Well, what am I supposed to do about that?" Ciel grumbled.

"That," Sebastian sighed, "will take time to control. For both of us, I think. I am not accustomed to an open ended connection. The contracts I've held only gave me a sense of specific need. But, as I said, you were different from the start. I should have known."

"How could you possibly have known? I'm human."

"Yes," Sebastian laughed. "But you are a rare creature, Ciel."

The casual use of his name made Ciel shiver. That one word told him more than any explanation. For the first time, he was as much an equal to this incredible being as he ever could be. His mind shied away from further examination of that thought, afraid to contemplate the extent of what he now didn't know.

Instead, he asked what he hoped was a simple question. "How did this happen?"

"Blood exchange."

A long, thoughtful silence. Then, "This has been building for years," Ciel whispered. "And it was finally enough to work."

Sebastian frowned down at him. "Perhaps. But the 'how' hardly matters now."

A quiet snort of amusement. "So that's how you've managed to live so long without going insane. Remember only what's useful and move forward."

"It's a lesson you would do well to learn, little soul. I do not think you will be giving up this life any time soon."

Ciel sighed. There were so many unknowns, that his mind was just inclined to give up and tackle his problems later. It was not his usual style, but he'd truly never been faced with so many uncertainties.

"Go back to sleep," Sebastian murmured, rubbing Ciel's back in soothing circles. "There is time."

"Not very much time," Ciel muttered. But he was already drifting. He dimly registered a gentle, mental push, guiding his consciousness deeper into the comforting dark. He wanted to complain, to demand that Sebastian stop messing with his head. Before he could muster the required energy however, he was asleep.

* * *

The second time Ciel woke, it was to find himself curled around Sebastian, his head resting in the demon's lap. One hand stroked his hair rhythmically, sharp claws lightly scratching. This didn't bother him as much as he thought it should. It never had, honestly. He had formed a covenant with a demon. And if that creature chose to drop his human disguise when there was no one to fool, who was Ciel to complain. Ciel had always thought it more honest than the conniving human idiots he had to deal with on a daily basis.

A quiet chuckle stirred Ciel from his semi-conscious musing. "The irony that surrounds you always interested me."

"Whatever," Ciel muttered.

He pushed himself up to sit leaning against the demon's side. He didn't move away, sensing that if he tried, that terrible, wrenching pain would return. Instead, he attempted, cautiously, to examine the alien mind twined around his own. Closing his eyes, he imagined reaching out a mental hand to touch the surface of that rushing stream of thought. The lightest of brushes and Ciel caught a glimpse of a torrent of images: a sparsely furnished room lit by scarlet firelight; a quick flash of a man's face he didn't recognize, the thought tinged with slight dread; flashes of the people with whom they would soon have to contend, accompanied by irritation and resignation; a kaleidoscope of landscapes, the vague thought of hiding.

Sebastian flinched and Ciel recoiled, feeling the mental shove almost as a physical assault. Thick walls slammed down, hiding all but the very surface of that stream and Ciel cringed into himself, feeling somehow betrayed.

"Was that really necessary?" he snapped, hiding behind anger as always. "I was only testing."

Sebastian looked down at him, eyebrows furrowed. "No," he said slowly. "No, I didn't intend to shut you out. It is a reflex."

Ciel frowned. "I thought you said you were not accustomed to an open-ended connection."

"I'm not. But one learns very early to shield one's mind to have any chance of surviving attacks from any higher ranking enemies. Any demon of higher rank than another has the ability to dig into anything they like within the other's mind. Unless that other has strong enough barriers in place."

A hand rested on Ciel's waist and pulled him closer. Slowly, the glass-smooth barriers slid away and once again Ciel fought to stay above the surface of a consciousness much deeper and darker than his own.

"As I said, this will take time to control."

"Of course," Ciel said faintly.

Deciding he'd had enough of mental experimentation for the moment, he looked around. The dishes from his earlier meal were still on the trolley beside the bed; it was clear Sebastian had not left while he was asleep. However, a book Ciel could have sworn he'd last seen in the library lay face-down in Sebastian's lap. He briefly wondered how the demon had gotten it and was then granted his answer in the form of a stray thought: _summoning an object to one's hand is simple if one knows precisely where that object is_. Well, that explained a few things.

Ciel shifted, evaluating his own condition. The residual aches left over from the day of constant activity had faded, leaving only the usual stiffness of muscles which had not stretched in too long. He was clean—Sebastian always washed him and changed the sheets once he had recovered enough to move—but he still felt in need of a thorough bath. A glance at the clock on the mantle told him it was nearly half past twelve. But was that midnight or noon; the drapes were closed.

"Midnight," Sebastian supplied.

Ciel nodded. "I want a bath. And you're getting in with me."

The demon smirked. "Is that so? You do realize I am no longer subject to your orders? _My lord_." The words were accompanied by a mental nudge containing nothing but smug taunting.

Ciel considered slapping him, but then decided on a more effective retort. He pulled free of Sebastian's embrace and crawled off the bed, gritting his teeth against the immediate urge to return and cling to the demon as though his life depended on it. He supposed this would never get any easier if they didn't challenge it.

"Imp. Perhaps it's fitting that you should live among the wicked."

Ciel just smirked and leaned against the threshold of the washroom, waiting. He frankly didn't think he could move much farther and stay on his feet. This was ridiculous. Fortunately, he didn't have to wait long.

"Fine, you win this one."

Ciel found himself swept up into strong, familiar arms before he could think of protesting. He was deposited a moment later in the tub, which was already full of water. Well used to quick transitions and strange conveniences by now, Ciel took it in stride. He was more concerned with the fact that his demon was still standing outside of the bath. Though, to be fair, he was still dressed. Ciel frowned. Why had he bothered to get dressed anyway?

Sebastian's only response to this was a snap of his fingers. The clothes fell away as though they'd been cut and he lowered himself carefully into the water behind Ciel.

"Showoff."

"Would you prefer I simply leave you to bathe on your own?"

This time Ciel did turn and slap him. Red eyes flashed laughter at him and his wrist was caught in a strong grip. Ciel froze as those decadent lips pressed a soft kiss to the inside of his wrist and those deadly fangs scraped lightly against the thin skin.

"Mine."

The low, possessive growl vibrated in Ciel's bones and he shivered. He watched Sebastian's eyes close as he breathed in the scent of the blood pulsing against his lips and had no desire to dispute the claim. Only match it. He leaned into the strong chest, shifting to settle comfortably in the demon's lap, and twined his free hand into that luxuriously silken hair.

"Don't forget, that goes both ways."

A deep purr of satisfaction answered his assertion. "How could I forget, little soul?"

They were silent while Sebastian gently bathed Ciel, as though this were just another normal day. As though nothing had changed. Except . . . except that Ciel sensed the honesty behind the gentleness and in turn could not hide his own insecure need for closeness. It irked him, but he was still too shell-shocked to really fight himself or Sebastian. So Ciel leaned back into the strong chest of his demon and tried not to think of all the trouble he was going to have to deal with in the coming days. Sebastian, for his part, kept his deepest thoughts hidden behind those black, glassy walls. The thoughts on the surface of the stream were clear, but Ciel sensed him trying to withdraw so as not to overwhelm the human's unpracticed mind.

Some indeterminable time later, Sebastian leaned around Ciel to drain the now cool water from the tub and stood. He stepped out before reaching down to grip Ciel's hand and help him out as well. Still without speaking, Sebastian took a towel and began drying Ciel. Ciel lifted an eyebrow.

"You are dripping water everywhere," he pointed out, voice a bit raspy from lack of use.

Sebastian glanced down at himself as though just remembering he too was naked and wet. He frowned in slight annoyance and blinked once. Ciel stared. Really, he should be accustomed to things like this, however much he expected them in his daily life. It should not surprise him to see Sebastian dry himself off with, apparently, just a thought. He idly wondered if he would still be surprised in a decade or a century and then quickly shied away from such contemplations.

Sebastian nodded in satisfaction and stepped around behind Ciel to continue his task. Ciel considered asking why Sebastian bothered with a towel at all, but he knew. The normalcy, the familiar action, was grounding them both. Though Sebastian was usually the picture of a professional butler, complete with clothing. Ciel suppressed a hysterical laugh.

Sebastian stood from his kneeling position, sliding the towel up over Ciel's hips as he did. Strong arms curled around his waist, wrapping the towel around to rub his abdomen and higher. Ciel caught sight of Sebastian's motion in the full-length mirror on the wall to their right and was immediately distracted by that mesmerizing form. A flash of indulgent amusement from the mind that wasn't his made Ciel flush slightly and jerk his gaze away. More amusement. An assurance that he, of all people, had the right to look, not that he had not already seen everything anyway. Even the enormous, dark wings which usually did not manifest unless the demon was particularly distracted. When Ciel had asked him about that last year, half asleep and still recovering, Sebastian had shrugged and said, "Convenience." Ciel supposed that made sense; the damn things really were quite large.

All the same, Ciel did not look, now that he was conscious of himself. Consequently, he ended up focusing on his own eyes in the mirror and caught sight of something odd. He frowned, suddenly remembering Sebastian's initial reaction when Ciel had accused him of knowing what was going on. He pulled out of Sebastian's loose embrace and stepped closer to the mirror, not caring as the towel fell to pool around his feet. Sebastian clicked his tongue in annoyance and bent to retrieve it. Ciel's hair still dripped water down the delicate valley of his spine. Careless of this, Ciel irritably jerked his head as the towel briefly obscured his view of the mirror.

"What are you doing?" Sebastian asked. Then shook his head.

Ciel tried to move even closer to the glass to get a better look. Something was wrong with his eye. His right eye. The symbol with which he'd grown so familiar was wrong somehow. A hand landed on his shoulder, halting him. Before he could protest, another hand appeared in front of his eyes.

"Here, you will be able to see this more clearly."

Ciel blinked, then took Sebastian's hand in both of his and studied the mark etched on the back, contrasting so, as it always had, with the pale, otherwise flawless flesh. And yes, something was most definitely wrong. Or, at least, different. Ciel examined the design minutely, a line of consternation deepening between his brows with every second.

Some of the familiar elements were there: the pentagram in the center, the outer circle of points. But between that . . . Between that was a spiral, the color such a deep blue it was nearly black. The spiral began at the center of the pentagram and swirled through the lines and the previously clear space until the outermost circle touched the inner tips of the bordering diamonds. Those inner tips had turned the same deep blue as the spiral.

Ciel finally raised his eyes to find Sebastian's. "What is this?"

"Our sigil."

"Our . . . but it looks . . ."

Sebastian sighed. Yet again. "As I said, the contract we held was overwritten by this connection. But that symbol, the contract symbol, is unique to me. Every demon's design is unique. Therefore, when two designs merge, it is a visible indication of the bond of their owners."

"But I'm not a demon," Ciel protested again, exasperation obvious.

"Well, nevertheless, this seems fitting," Sebastian mused. He lifted his hand to his own eyes to study the mark. "I am not sure what I was expecting, but this is the most obvious confirmation."

Ciel shook his head, and immediately regretted it. His head was throbbing and that certainly didn't help. He felt Sebastian consciously try to draw back, trying to ease the storm raging in Ciel's mind. Ciel closed his eyes, turning to bury his face against the demon's chest. He should be stronger than this; he should be able to handle this. But at this moment it felt as though the world was crashing in on him and everything was spinning.

Sebastian's hands stroked his back automatically. "Come now, little one. There is no use standing here."

Ciel didn't fight as the demon gently steered him back into the bedroom. He sat on the edge of his bed and stared down at the floor, trying to stop his head from spinning. He still grasped Sebastian's hand tightly in his own. Sebastian stood motionless beside him for a moment before gently disengaging his hand from Ciel's. Ciel glanced up to see Sebastian holding a clean nightshirt. With a sigh, Ciel held out his arms. He wasn't really tired, but he was also in no mood to get dressed and do anything productive.

"We should discuss what to do now," Sebastian said gently.

Ciel rolled his eyes up to stare at the ceiling and groaned. The second Sebastian slipped the last button of the fresh nightshirt through its hole, Ciel threw himself back onto the bed. He was still not inclined to face reality, especially not after the most recent revelation. Sebastian sighed and sat down next to his human. Resignation and disapproval flickered at the surface of his mind. Ciel valiantly ignored both.

"What were you reading when I woke?" Sebastian picked up the book from the nightstand and showed him the cover. Ciel nodded. "Read to me."

It wasn't a question and it could no longer be an order. Nevertheless, Sebastian easily obeyed. Truthfully, he wasn't altogether eager to tackle the problems of their altered future either. Peace. Just a few moments of peace before the storm hit. And he was certain there would be a storm when Ciel really examined his new circumstances. Part of him, a rather large part, wanted to gather his mate into his arms and bring him home. To the home he held in what this culture chose to call Hell. To simply leave all of the petty, insignificant problems of this insignificant world behind, the considerations of the other humans be damned. The only thing which kept him from doing this was the knowledge that Ciel would likely find some way to punish him for it. Even if the punishment hurt the little brat as well. Sweet darkness, how had he ended up in this mess? Mated to a tyrant of a human child with far too much cunning and intelligence for his own good and too beautiful to shatter. At least this book was interesting enough.


	4. 3

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian looked down to find Ciel blinking sleepily up at him. He didn't think the boy meant to fall asleep but at some point he had dozed off anyway. Sebastian remained sitting in the bed beside Ciel, this time writing, attempting to put his thoughts into some kind of order by listing them on paper. He sighed; he hadn't gotten far.

"Yes, kitten?"

"I'm hungry."

Sebastian blinked at him then glanced up to the clock over the fireplace. He'd not been paying attention to the time and for the first time it occurred to him to wonder just how much longer they had to settle themselves before they would be obligated to interact with the world. Not long enough.

"And just what would you like me to do about that?" He felt Ciel's spike of annoyance and smirked.

Ciel pushed himself up and away, though not too far away. He threw Sebastian a disgusted look.

"I'm not in the mood."

He lifted a hand to his head, brow creased in pain. Sebastian took pity on him, reaching out to stroke Ciel's back. Ciel sighed and leaned into the demon's touch. Sebastian considered, then climbed from the bed. After taking the time to pull on his trousers, he lifted Ciel into his arms. Ciel squeaked in surprise and squirmed.  
"What are you doing?"

"Taking you to find something to eat." Sebastian shouldered open the bedroom door. "The food is in the kitchen and I can't very well go that far away from you yet," he sighed.

Ciel frowned, absently winding his fingers into Sebastian's hair. "But you did before."

"Yes, but it was not comfortable. I was simply able to handle it better because neither of us were aware of the situation at the time."

Ciel was silent, pensive. He leaned his head against Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian tried to sort through the chaotic tangle of thoughts Ciel was unconsciously throwing at him. He was not accustomed to having access to so much information. It certainly didn't help that his own mind was still not clear. Frustration rose, bordering on anger, and he unconsciously bared his teeth. Ciel lifted his head to give him a questioning look.

Sebastian paused halfway down the stairs. That reaction was in no way proportional to the situation. He was usually much calmer than that, more levelheaded. He resumed walking when Ciel poked him. Come to think of it, his emotions had been strangely volatile since he'd sealed the mate bond. Dear hells. Was this what humans had to deal with all the time? No wonder they were so irrational and annoying. Sebastian pushed open the door to the kitchen, resolving to keep a tighter hold on himself. The last thing they needed was for him to lose his temper over something simple and set the house aflame.

He set Ciel in the chair at the head of the large table. Ciel shivered, chilly with only his nightshirt for covering, and rubbed his arms. Sebastian flicked a hand towards the fireplace, summoning a blaze to begin heating the cold room.

Turning away for a moment, he began gathering ingredients, slicing bread and cold meat for sandwiches. When he looked up, Ciel was standing beside him at the counter, watching the blur of movement as Sebastian assembled his meal. Sebastian reached for a plate without looking, gaze fixed on Ciel instead.

"All right, speak up. What's on your mind?"

Ciel scowled. "Shouldn't you know?" he muttered irritably.

"No," Sebastian said tersely, filling the kettle with water. "I told you, I am no more accustomed to an open-ended connection than are you."

Ciel sighed and returned to sit at the table, dropping his head into his hands. "You truly don't regret this." It was not a question.

Sebastian set a plate in front of him and turned to take the kettle off the fire. "No. I am unsure what to do from here, but I do not regret choosing you as my bond-mate." He poured Ciel's tea and placed it at his elbow. Then stood behind his left shoulder, uncertain what to do with himself for the first time in his memory.

Ciel glanced up at him and huffed in exasperation. "Sit. I don't want to have to twist my neck just to talk to you." Sebastian walked around the table and sat, watching Ciel expectantly. "Why?"

"Pardon?" Sebastian arched a questioning eyebrow.

"You never explained why you are content with this situation."

The demon frowned. "Would you prefer that I was not?"

Ciel groaned in annoyance and stuffed a huge bite into his mouth to avoid answering immediately. Sebastian rolled his eyes. Ciel swallowed audibly and procrastinated further by taking a sip of tea.

Finally he looked up. Sebastian was startled by the bleakness in those deep eyes. "You have just deprived yourself of the meal you've been working towards for years. Not only that, but you have chained yourself to someone significantly weaker than yourself for eternity. Assuming I will live. We don't even know that much. And if I don't live . . . what happens to you?"

Ciel trailed off, returning his eyes to his food and nibbling anxiously at the remaining few bites of his sandwich. Sebastian folded his hands in front of him on the table and pursed his lips in thought. Those were all very good points, questions he'd asked himself as he watched Ciel sleep off the exhaustion of the solstice. He knew he should be much more upset about all of them. Yet the fact was, he couldn't bring himself to be angry. Not when he thought back on every time he'd secretly regretted the thought of having to devour this incredible creature, of snuffing out such a rare soul with a single swallow. It was true that Ciel was exceptionally adept at irritating him. But even that, Sebastian could respect. He'd never found another human capable, let alone bold enough, to fight him so. And really, he was not losing that taste that he so craved; he reveled in it every time he tasted Ciel's skin, his seed, his blood. And as for the uncertainty of their future . . . Well, this was the most interesting thing to happen to him in centuries. Humans couldn't comprehend how tedious and repetitive immortality really was. Nothing ever really changed, it only took on a different face and called itself by a different name.

Ciel was now holding his teacup between both hands, staring into its depths as though he could find all the answers he sought in the cold dregs. Sebastian rose and gently took the cup from Ciel's weak grasp. He refilled it and returned it to Ciel's hands, before returning to his seat across the table. Ciel finally raised his eyes to meet the demon's. His expression confirmed the tangle of emotions Sebastian could sense from him: trepidation, hope, confusion, resentment. He wrapped a lock of his own hair around and around his fingers as he studied Ciel's face, trying to find the words to explain the things he knew Ciel could not sort out from the clamor of his mind.

Finally, Sebastian reached out and laid a hand over Ciel's. "I do not regret this because, in actuality, I have lost nothing. I have gained quite a bit. On the most basic level, this gives my life a certain worth it has been lacking for some centuries. But more importantly, I don't have to kill the one human for whom I have ever held any significant respect."

Ciel stared at him, wide eyed. He seemed stunned into silence. Slowly, his hand turned beneath Sebastian's, small fingers linking with his. Sebastian stroked his thumb over the back of Ciel's hand, fascinated as always by the softness of his human's skin. When he spoke, Ciel's voice was soft with awe.

"That is quite a declaration to live up to."

Sebastian laughed softly. The sound sent shivers of pleasure down Ciel's spine. "That is the appropriate reaction."

Ciel glared, but it was weak. He was becoming quite distracted by the rhythmic stroking across the back of his hand. It was soothing. And the warmth of Sebastian's hand in his was addictive.

"Are you still with me, little one?"

Ciel's eyes snapped to Sebastian's. Blushing, he realized he'd been staring at the demon's lips. Ridiculous. As if he hadn't had enough of physical activity. He snorted mentally. Apparently he had not.

Sebastian smirked, his eyes darkening with a sudden rush of lust. Ciel visibly shuddered. And the next thing he knew, he was cradled again in Sebastian's arms. They were halfway up the stairs before Ciel registered they were moving.

"What do you think you're doing?" Ciel squeaked, clinging to the demon for dear life. He swore he would never get used to the feeling of leaving his stomach behind.

Sebastian laughed. "Oh come now. You know exactly what I'm doing."

"You're slacking in your perfection. Since when do you leave dirty, half full dishes laying around?"

"Since I found something more important to occupy my time."

Ciel landed on his back in the center of his bed, blanketed by his demon's body as Sebastian stretched over him. He stared up with wide eyes at the beautiful face hovering above him. Those crimson eyes were burning with an all consuming flame that should have scared him, but had entranced him from the start. He could easily get lost in their fiery depths.

"Kitten?" Sebastian crooned, tapping a finger teasingly against Ciel's bottom lip.

Ciel nipped at the finger, earning a quiet chuckle from Sebastian. Then a shiver as he curled his tongue around the digit, drawing it into the wet heat of his mouth, and sucked. He smirked as Sebastian's eyes slid half closed with pleasure. He traced the creases of knuckles with the tip of his tongue, delighting in the spicy-sweetness that always seemed to cling to Sebastian's skin. The demon watched him through his eyelashes with rapt attention and growing hunger. But when Ciel carefully licked into the crevice beneath the sharp claw, Sebastian stilled. His eyes flickered open and he frowned. The claw retracted into a perfectly manicured, human fingernail beneath Ciel's tongue.

"Careful now, little soul." Sebastian's breath was hot against the side of Ciel's neck as he leaned to press his lips to the delicate shell of an ear.

Ciel laughed breathlessly. "As if I'm not intimately familiar with the feeling of your claws in my flesh."

A low, possessive growl vibrated in Sebastian's chest and a wet tongue licked up the side of Ciel's neck. Ciel shuddered as warm hands pushed the nightshirt from his shoulders. When had the buttons been undone? For that matter, when had Sebastian's trousers ended up on the floor? Ciel moaned into Sebastian's mouth as soft lips crashed against his in a fiery kiss.

But even with the force of the desire between them, the demon's caresses remained infinitely gentle. Ciel moaned softly and stroked his hands down Sebastian's back in appreciation as he moved down, dropping feather light kisses across Ciel's throat and collarbones. A brush of thought: slow, gentle, soft. Ciel's eyes slid closed and he sighed. He knew Sebastian felt his gratitude for the relative calm after the storm.

Sebastian was purring continuously, a deep rumble that Ciel could feel down to his bones, soothing Ciel into a near trance. Another soft sigh left him as Sebastian's kisses trailed ever lower and soft fingers stroked down his sides, traced over the curve of his hips, tickled the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. Ciel's hands slid lazily over Sebastian's skin in turn, returning the caresses with familiarity. He followed the coaxing hands as his demon gently spread his legs wider and a tiny, helpless moan fell from his lips as soft lips teased the crease of his hip. Long hair fell across his stomach and hips and Ciel twined it around his hands, running reverent fingers through the silken strands. He had thought it odd when he'd first realized just how long Sebastian preferred to wear his hair when he was not forced to keep up appearances. But the feeling of that silky softness sliding over his skin was simply decadent and Ciel had quickly become addicted to it. Sebastian only laughed at his fascination and indulged him with his signature smirk. Not that it was any imposition, if the demon's loud purring was any indication.

Sebastian's lips trailed down Ciel's thigh as his hands slid up his sides. Those large hands covered Ciel's slender chest and thumbs teasingly rubbed his nipples. Ciel moaned again, letting his head fall back, baring his throat.

"My little soul. You are beautiful like this," Sebastian breathed, eyes heavy-lidded and burning. Ciel shook his head in protest and the demon smiled. "You are. Spread out, open and exposed for me." Light fingers brushed across the thin skin of Ciel's throat, pausing when they found his pulse. "Do you know how easy it would be to sink my teeth into you and devour you right now? And I could make you beg for it."

Ciel could feel the livid blush coloring his cheeks; it seemed no matter how many times he listened to Sebastian speak to him like this, he would never shake that damn impulse to blush. He lifted a hand to rest over the one at his throat and shook his head, peering down into those glowing eyes through his lashes.

"But you won't. What fun would that be?"

Sebastian laughed softly, a deep rumble that promised pleasures so exquisite they could only  
be pure sin. Ciel shuddered. "Oh my Ciel, I very much enjoy hearing you beg. But you are correct. I would not lose you simply for the brief satisfaction of a single meal. Even if I could."

Ciel opened his eyes and tightened his fingers on Sebastian's hand, expression turning serious. "Sebastian?"

"Hmm?" The demon rubbed his cheek against Ciel's thigh, sighing at the delicious softness of his mate's skin.

"If this had not happened . . ." Sebastian lifted his head to gaze up at Ciel's face, catching his serious tone. "If this bond had not happened . . . would you have gone through with it? Fulfilled the contract? Because what you just said . . ."

Sebastian sighed and rested his head against Ciel's hip. "I do not know, kitten. I truly don't know what I would have done. I have known for quite a while that I care far too much for you personally to simply swallow your soul as I should. But I was avoiding the problem as long as I could. And now, it is a moot point."

Ciel frowned. "But . . ."

"Hush now," Sebastian murmured, lightly stroking his fingers along Ciel's jaw. "There is no need to think about that."

Ciel tried to frown but he simply couldn't hold the expression as Sebastian's feathery kisses trailed down his inner thigh. Gentle hands slid back down his side to grip his hips and hold him still as he shifted restlessly. Ciel whined and Sebastian growled softly in satisfaction. He held Ciel still, careful to keep his grip firm but not bruising. The frenzy had passed and this was purely about them.

Hiding his smirk against Ciel's leg, Sebastian nuzzled his inner thigh, urging his leg up a bit. Then flickered his tongue ever so lightly against the very sensitive skin of the back of his knee. A delighted laugh escaped him at the sound Ciel made, a tiny shriek, half giggle and half moan. He twisted in his demon's hold as Sebastian repeated the action, just to hear that sound again.

"Stop!"

"Ah, the sounds you make," Sebastian sighed, making Ciel groan and cover his eyes with a hand.

The demon laughed again, even as he obediently moved away from that spot. He ran his lips back up Ciel's thigh, knowing precisely where his little human's most sensitive places were and seeking them out with unerring accuracy. One of those was the very top of his inner thighs where Sebastian's lips now landed. Ciel whimpered, trembling as soft lips and a warm tongue teased across his skin, leaving wet trails of cold behind.

"Sebastian," he whined, reaching down to find any part of Sebastian he could touch.

The demon purred as those small hands found their way into his hair again and rewarded the action with a light nip to Ciel's right thigh.

"Ah!"

"As I said, the sounds you make," Sebastian purred in a voice deep and husky with arousal. "Beautiful."

"You are . . . I don't even know . . . oh, do that again."

Sebastian did. It didn't take him long, even just with this small bit of contact, to have Ciel squirming, writhing in his grip, moaning helplessly. Delicious. Sebastian finally relented and pulled away from his teasing. He leaned up, intending to reach for Ciel's lips, but a wicked thought made him pause.

"You have that look again," Ciel accused breathlessly.

He reached up to run his hand over Sebastian's chest, finding a nipple and pinching hard. Sebastian moaned, arching into the touch. Ciel, while not always appreciative of pleasure-pain, had learned its use with amazing speed. From the second he'd accidently discovered that biting could make Sebastian shudder, he had made it his goal to figure out all of the demon's personal weaknesses. The demon happily guided him. Ciel squeezed the hardened nub again, digging his short nails into Sebastian's skin and smirking when Sebastian's second moan was accompanied by a shudder.

"What . . . mmm . . . what look is that, little soul?"

"That look which says you are thinking of something that will probably be very detrimental to my health in one way or another."

"I would never . . ."

"So you are not thinking of anything devious?"

Sebastian arched an elegant eyebrow and didn't answer. Ciel rolled his eyes, taking the silence as answer enough. He tried, a bit hesitantly, to reach out to see if he could catch the thought in Sebastian's mind. Before he could find enough concentration to focus on picking an individual thought from the maelstrom however, soft lips stole his again and kissing Sebastian was just too distracting. He melted, forgetting every thought in his head in a second. Sebastian chuckled against his lips and slipped his tongue inside to taste. Ciel moaned into the kiss, submitting to Sebastian's mouth, relishing the wet heat as the demon licked into every crevice and purred against him. His tongue tangled with Sebastian's and pushed back, wanting to taste in turn. Sebastian withdrew, coaxing Ciel's tongue out. Ciel moaned again as he ran the tip of his tongue over those silken lips and then inside. Sebastian hummed softly, slipping a warm hand around the back of Ciel's neck, cradling the back of his skull, kissing harder. He drew his mate's smaller tongue deeper into his mouth and sucked. Ciel arched beneath him, fingers digging into Sebastian's shoulders, tilting his head back into the cup of his palm. His mate's eyes were wide and glassy with lust as Sebastian's control over his own barriers faltered. He felt Ciel's mind reaching for his, their thoughts and desires twisting together, slotting into each other like puzzle pieces. Ciel flinched slightly as the weight of Sebastian's need settled over him, heightening his senses and confusing his nerves.

Ciel pulled back, flushed and panting. And Sebastian thought he'd never seen anything so beautiful. "Sebastian, what?"

"Hush," Sebastian murmured. He nuzzled the side of his mate's neck, licking the sweat from his skin, purring softly in his ear, trying to comfort. "Just close your eyes and feel. You are fine."

"But I can't . . ."

Ciel bit his lip anxiously, completely distracted by every brush of Sebastian's skin against his own. He couldn't remember what it was he was objecting to, not when that mouth felt so damn good and every touch set his nerves on fire. He reached up to run his hand over the side of his demon's face, caressing the line of his jaw, only wanting to return the affection, even through his haze of lust. Though he was no longer sure his hands even belonged to him. Sebastian turned his head to kiss the cup of Ciel's palm and Ciel's mind reeled. The brush of lips against his skin was soft and sweet. But whose lips?

Lips and hands and tongues slid over soft, eager flesh and Ciel knew nothing save the feeling, taste, scent, thought of his demon. His mate. At this moment, he didn't care what that meant or that he was still unsure how he felt about it. Sebastian's purring vibrated in his bones and Ciel bit into the junction of shoulder and neck and felt the sting in his own flesh.

"Ciel." His name, growled into his ear, made Ciel arch beneath those talented hands, nerves twitching with overstimulation.

"Sebastian," Ciel slurred against his demon's lips, words barely recognizable through his panting. "Sebastian, stop pulling my hair."

The demon laughed, a dark sound that made Ciel kiss him harder. "Kitten, you are the one pulling my hair."

"What?"

Ciel moaned as something hot closed around his aching shaft. Beneath his hands, he felt a velvety hardness, flickering in and out of his awareness. Silken strands slid through his fingers. A swirling storm of sensation and pleasure roared between them and Ciel was drowning. He clung to Sebastian and felt the demon fall into the depths with him.

A deep moan to match Ciel's cries and the body over him shuddered. And then Ciel gasped as a hand twined itself in Sebastian's long hair and then curled itself around him again. The silky feeling contrasted with the tight grip and rough strokes and Ciel rocked into the touch. Or was he touching. His back stung with the scratch of fingernails and Sebastian groaned, shuddering with every twitch of Ciel's throbbing arousal.

The teeth sinking into the side of his neck and the taste of bliss that exploded on his tongue sent Ciel over the edge and he screamed his completion. Pleasure rushed through his veins, all consuming and exhilarating. His own muscles spasmed and with every shudder he felt Sebastian's answering rush of pleasure. Ciel couldn't tell which of them had reached the end first or how any of it had happened, but he wrapped himself around his demon and let it all wash over him. The maelstrom between them swirled, a loop feeding on itself with each circle, slowly spiraling down until the two bodies collapsed to the bed, intertwined and panting with exhaustion, both shivering with aftershocks.

Ciel's mind was empty, wiped clean by the intensity of what he'd just experienced. Warmth flooded him, body and soul, as the other consciousness curled around his. They were gradually sliding away from each other until not every sensation was a confused tangle of signals, but neither yet knew whose thoughts were whose and the shared mental space hummed with sleepy comfort.

_Will that happen every time_?

_Possibly. I've never felt anything quite like it_.

_All the time_?

_Maybe? Perhaps across wider distances in time_.

_Everything is so hazy_.

_It can stay that way_.

_Unimportant_.

_Your hair is a mess_.

_Unimportant_.

Their exchange faded into a comfortable quiet as they continued to rest, lazy and content. Slowly, their bodies stretched out, muscles unwinding. And their minds did the same, thoughts drawing apart to become more distinct. Though they stayed tightly pressed together, physically and mentally, neither willing to be the first to break contact. Until a single thought dropped, like a splash of poison, into the calm pool.

Ciel's eyes snapped open and he recoiled so fast that Sebastian actually startled at the movement. The remnants of their post-coital haze had dissipated with a single, alarming thought and Sebastian scrambled to try to pick the culprit from the sudden chaos of Ciel's mind.

"What is it?"

Ciel stared at him, looking horrified. The demon flinched back in shock at the unexpected stab of anger. Directed towards him.

"What the hell was that!"

Sebastian blinked, completely taken aback. "I . . . don't understand. What are you asking me?"

"I am asking you why I couldn't tell my mind, my body, from yours," Ciel spat. "I nearly forgot who I was. I nearly lost myself. I'm only human; I'm not made to handle the consciousness of an immortal. But you did this to me anyway!"

Sebastian's eyes widened at Ciel's vehemence and he held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Ciel, you did not lose yourself. If you could not handle this connection, you would not have the mind to yell at me right now. If you were going to lose yourself to me . . . it would have happened years ago. In all my years walking this Earth, I have never come across a human who could match me in anything. Until you."

But Ciel wasn't listening. He was afraid, trying to withdraw completely from Sebastian's mind but not really knowing how. He was afraid of the depths of that mind, the vast, alien landscape of thought and experience. He was afraid of his new future which they still had not discussed. And the fresh experience of being so tangled up with Sebastian that he could not tell whose thoughts were whose solidified his vague fears. Which manifested as fury. Sebastian reached out to calm his mate but Ciel jerked back.

"Don't touch me. Demon!"

The vitriol in that one word somehow cut deeper than every slap and angry outburst Ciel had dealt him over all of their years together. Sebastian's eyes narrowed dangerously as his own anger flared.

"No? You seemed to have no problem with my touch only moments ago. I seem to remember you debasing yourself quite willingly to the touch of a demon."

Without thinking Sebastian threw the memory of the pleasure of only minutes ago at Ciel as though it were a mental weapon. Ciel flinched.

"What have you even done to me? You can't even tell me that."

"I have done nothing you did not ask for," Sebastian growled, leaning in close to the little brat's face.

This time Ciel held his ground. "I never agreed to this. I never agreed to a connection I can't control and a future I can't understand."

"You did," Sebastian said, more quietly. His anger drained from him in a rush, leaving him hollow and numb. A hint of despair settled in its place. He couldn't even count on his emotions to make sense anymore. "I told you, it would not have taken if both parties were not willing."

"But I am not."

"You are, on some level. And in any case, it's too late." Sebastian sighed as he climbed from the bed to sit in the nearby chair, needing to put space between them. "You must accept this, Ciel."

"I refuse." Ciel knew he sounded petulant, but he was too angry to care. "You will find a way to reverse this. I do not accept this. I did not choose this."

"No."


	5. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven't replied to anyone's comment; I know I'm a terrible person. But I really really appreciate all your kind words. In my defense, I've been sick so 99% of my time has been spent sleeping and my brain has decided to take an extended vacation. Lucky then that this is already written because I'm not doing anything. But you guys are seriously awesome. Every comment makes my day. Thank all of you who have decided this story is worth your time.

The next two days were a trial of patience. Ciel thought he'd never before wanted to strangle the demon so many times for so many reasons in one hour. And thanks to the rather terrifying new mental connection, Ciel knew without doubt the feeling was mutual. The problem was that they were experts at annoying each other at the best of times and now both of them seemed to have decided to deal with this new, as yet unexplored, relationship by causing the other as much grief as possible.

"What part of 'I hate this' do you not understand?"

Ciel cast the plate of food in front of him a disgusted glance, then glared up at the demon who leaned a casual hip against the table and grinned infuriatingly. He was laughing inwardly and Ciel sent a stab of anger deep into the core of that amusement. Sebastian winced.

"Well, it is only fair. What in the hells made you think it was a good idea to try slicing your own arm open the moment my back was turned?"

Ciel grimaced. All right, so that had been a poorly conceived impulse.

"I wanted to test your claim about sharing physical sensation over a distance."

"Honestly," Sebastian sighed. "I didn't think it was possible for a healthy creature to lose all their mental faculties in the course of a day. But you, Phantomhive, have proved me wrong."

"Shut up." The usual retort was accompanied by another mental jab. Ciel winced when Sebastian retaliated. "No, I am serious. You think too much. It's like there's a million things spinning in my head and I can't catch any of them clearly. I've had a constant headache ever since . . ."

Ciel trailed off and dropped his gaze to the table. He still had not worked out how he felt about this situation. He supposed that was what all of the back and forth with Sebastian was about; they were successfully avoiding the things which needed facing. And, yes, maybe he did know what fueled his mean spirited jabs. He was loath to admit it, but he was afraid. He did not like change; he had certainly had to deal with enough of it in his short life. And now, the truths on which he had counted for years were suddenly gone. He blamed the demon, rational or not. And it only irritated him further that he couldn't stay away from the creature. And Sebastian knew all of this because Ciel still had not managed to grasp any sort of control over his mind. He resented that Sebastian could throw up those impenetrable walls whenever he chose. Despite knowing the years it had taken the demon to learn such iron control.

"Do you want to know what I'm thinking?" Sebastian demanded.

Ciel looked up, startled. He did want to know. Whenever he tried to reach out, he ran into those walls. He resented the inequality.

"I was trying to allow you to think in peace. To make this easier for you. But if you insist."

And suddenly the flood gates opened and Ciel had to clutch his head, feeling as though it might explode from all the new information. His mind felt too small to contain such vast awareness. And he thought he had a headache before!

Centuries of memories, an entire catacomb of nameless faces. A seemingly boundless wealth of knowledge. A tumultuous tangle of foreign emotion. Ciel tried and failed to make some sort of sense of the depths while keeping a desperate grip on his own, small awareness. For the first time he understood just how much Sebastian had been keeping dammed up behind those walls. And why. The demon had been right: he had been in no danger before. He was now. Clinging on by his metaphorical fingernails to his sense of self as sensations that did not belong to him overtook his nerves.

"Ciel!"

Ciel didn't hear Sebastian's frantic shout, didn't notice when he fell from his chair to curl in a fetal position on the floor. He was so hungry. He was literally starving. He must be back . . . back there. No, it wasn't his hunger. He was hungry but not this hungry. He was afraid. Afraid of the future. Afraid of facing his superior with the confession of mating a human. What? No, restless. Angry with the other humans who would interfere. Was he angry? Maybe. He wrapped his arms around his abdomen, trying desperately to soothe the biting hunger. That didn't belong to him.

"Ciel, you must listen to me. Kitten? Little one, open your eyes, look at me."

Someone was shaking his shoulders, calling to him. Ciel dared to take a deep breath and realized the weight of the other consciousness was slowly withdrawing, allowing him to breathe. It felt as though a physical weight were being lifted from his chest. Those glassy walls slid back into place, stronger than before. And this time Ciel was thankful for them. He went limp, registering for the first time that he lay on cold tile. Then he was pulled almost roughly into strong arms and gentle hands were carding through his hair, stroking his back, easing his trembling.

"I'm sorry, my little soul. I did not think it would overwhelm you so easily."

Ciel, eyes still tightly closed as he still felt a bit unsteady in his own mind, buried his face against the demon's neck and released a shaky sigh. "Idiot."

No derisive laughter or mocking retort came and Ciel huddled deeper into the embrace. Sebastian only tightened his arms around his mate and pressed his face into his hair, breathing deeply, letting Ciel's scent ground him. Ciel had been so frightened two nights ago by the strength of their connection, the overwhelming feedback of sensation with such intimate contact. Though he had been in no true danger then. What Sebastian had just done however.. He had been angry and had lashed out. He had warned himself against allowing these strangely intense emotions to overwhelm him. And even still he had almost irrevocably damaged his own mate. If he had not withdrawn when he did, there was a very large possibility that Ciel might have lost his grip and lost his identity in the sea of Sebastian's own mind. He had never seen such a thing happen, but he had heard of it. And once scattered, a consciousness could never be pieced back together and its owner would remain comatose and alive only as long as someone chose to keep them so. Sebastian shuddered at the thought of his Ciel silent and lifeless. He threw even more of his concentration into strengthening his mental barriers.

Ciel's arms clung tightly around Sebastian's shoulders, his small form huddled into the  
demon's chest. He shivered as the full realization of what had just happened crashed in on him. Sebastian had just nearly killed him. Completely by accident. And Ciel found that more terrifying than if the demon was deliberately attacking him. He would have been furious, felt betrayed, but for the horror and remorse he could feel pouring off his demon. As tightly as he was clinging to Sebastian, the demon's arms were wrapped even more tightly around him, nearly crushing him against that strong body. He was murmuring a constant stream of meaningless words, apologies, promises. Ciel didn't try to understand the words, but let the constant sound of that voice soothe him. Sebastian had caused this, but he was now doing his utmost to fix it.

Ciel took a deep breath and released it on a shaky sigh. He was fine, he would be all right. He hid a rueful grimace in Sebastian's neck. Now he understood how unfounded his fear and anger of before was. That had only been a mutual sharing of pleasure, a connection to another being which he should cherish, not fear. This, however, would have to be addressed. He hoped that, in time, he could withstand more contact. He vowed that Sebastian would not have to maintain those walls for the rest of eternity. Then quickly forced himself to think of something else before that idea sent him into another spiral of worry and anger. And, as he thought back, now able to parse some things from the chaos, his heart sank in dismay.

"Sebastian," he said, breaking into the demon's stream of apologies.

Sebastian looked down at the eyes peeking up at him through dark fringe and went limp with relief. Ciel's eyes were clear. Though full of some strong emotion Sebastian couldn't at first place. He'd been prepared for more fury. And this time it would have been justified. But no, this was . . . pain?

"Kitten?" he whispered, resisting the urge to tighten his embrace even more. He would literally crush Ciel if he did that.

"Sebastian." Sebastian frowned at the uncharacteristically hesitant tone, but only waited. "You said you did not regret losing your meal. But . . . are you that hungry?"

Sebastian blinked down at his little human in surprise. "What do you mean? I am not really in need of any sustenance right now. The energy you have willingly given is enough."

Ciel shook his head. "But I felt . . . I felt your hunger. It felt like I was literally starving."

He didn't mention that he had recognized the feeling not from Sebastian's memories but his own. But he couldn't hide his shiver. And Sebastian caught the thought. A growl, more felt than heard, vibrated in his chest. He pressed his face into Ciel's hair and concentrated on not allowing the anger at long dead people to overwhelm him. Really, how did humans deal with this! As demons, they had emotions, but they were typically more muted, overshadowed by logic. It was one of the things which earned them such a monstrous reputation: they were either cold and clinical or driven purely by mindless instinct. They had to work to balance the two into what humans would consider normal. Yet this. With these newly vivid emotions, the balance Sebastian had built centuries ago as an adolescent was suddenly disrupted.

Ciel's hand pressed against his back between his shoulder blades, massaging soothingly. Ciel might put on a facade of indifference, but Sebastian had found when he opened himself up to it, Ciel easily offered as much care as anyone could. He quickly found every one of Sebastian's pleasures and quietly indulged them all. As long as no one pointed it out to him. He had discovered that the space in the center of Sebastian's back, at the base of his wings when they manifested, was often sore and had become quite skilled at working out the tight muscles there. Though the wings were not always apparent, they were part of Sebastian's being, and he always felt their weight. He stroked Ciel's hair in appreciation and turned his mind back to his mate's words.

A quiet sigh softly stirred Ciel's hair. "I'm not certain how to explain this. I think what you felt wasn't quite what your mind interpreted to be, but only the closest equivalent. It is true that I always desire something, and the need is similar to the human survival needs. But our hunger takes on different forms and it cannot always be defined as simply as needing a soul. I can always use more energy, true, but I am not really in need of any now. Because I have taken it from you. You are what I hunger for, little soul. Every touch, every sound, every taste of you feeds me in a way that simply swallowing you whole could never do. So stop fretting, please."

"I am not fretting," Ciel grumbled, voice muffled in Sebastian's neck.

Sebastian laughed quietly and Ciel grumbled again even as he did his best to cuddle even closer, holding on to his demon as though it would literally kill him to let go. But one hand still rubbed the demon's back absently.

"My little soul. Are you all right?"

"I think so," Ciel replied, voice a bit stronger. "I . . . am sorry for my reaction the other night. I understand now."

Sebastian smiled. Ciel's sincere apologies were few and far between and each one felt like a victory. "I know you were frightened. There is no need to apologize."

"I can hear your thoughts," Ciel reminded him irritably. "Stop being so damn smug."

"Of course, my lord."

"Stupid demon." And then: "Sebastian? Do you really think we will have problems with your . . . superior?"

Sebastian was startled for the second time. Just how much had Ciel been able to catch in the onslaught? That he had caught anything clearly was amazing. "I don't know. I am wary, but I have no real idea of what the reaction will be. It could go either way, I suppose. But now is not the time to worry about that. That will not be a concern for a while yet. Let's focus on the more immediate problems."

Ciel sighed. "Yes, immediate problems. Like how I'm going to explain to anyone why I am literally incapable of moving more than a foot away from my butler. And, oh by the way, I'm possibly immortal now with no idea how to deal with that." He suddenly looked up to catch Sebastian's eyes again. "I wonder if I will still age. I would be very annoyed if I were forced to stay half grown for eternity."

"I don't know," Sebastian chuckled. "But it hardly matters to me either way."

"It should matter to you," Ciel snapped. "You will have to hear me complaining about it."

Sebastian laughed as he stood as gracefully as possible while cradling a nearly fully grown human and gently settled said human back into his chair. He decided that if Ciel could snap and grumble about his looks, then he must be well enough. "Now then, you really should eat your lunch. The servants should return around 1 o'clock. And it is now—" he flipped open his ever faithful pocket watch— "12:06."

Ciel rolled his eyes at the watch and pushed the plate away, frowning. "Sebastian, I really can't eat this. There is a reason I said never to cook this. I hate it."

The demon crossed his arms and arched an eyebrow. "And what is wrong with it?"

Ciel let his head fall into his hands with an exasperated huff. "What? Do demons not understand the concept of disliking certain tastes? I should think you'd understand, the way you go on about the flavoring of souls."

"And again, what's wrong with it?"

This time Ciel actually growled in annoyance. "I simply find the taste revolting. I've eaten it once and I would very much like to never have to repeat the experience."

"Oh?"

"My mother made me try a bite when I was eight. I threw up all over her skirt," Ciel stated flatly.

He shuddered at the memory and caught Sebastian making a face in his periphery. But the demon was mostly amused. Ciel glared and the infernal creature only laughed aloud.

"Very well, my lord. To avoid a mess, I will find you something else to eat."

"To avoid a mess? And you claim to care about my comfort."

Ciel grumbled when Sebastian only laughed again. But he got up and followed the demon into the kitchen anyway. Though the separation pain had finally eased enough that they didn't feel the need to be in constant physical contact, they still could not move further than a room away from one another without the ache becoming debilitating. In general, they tried their best to at least keep each other in sight. Neither had discussed what they were going to do when reality demanded reentrance. The hope was that they could simply play it off as normal and no one would notice anything awry. And that the separation would become less painful, sooner rather than later. Ciel, for his part, was not particularly concerned with the other servants' return, rather with the Christmas celebrations he was obliged to attend at the Midford manor. Sebastian was typically forced to remain with the other staff for the majority of the night's festivities and Ciel was already dreading what he was sure would be a rather painful experience. Even more so than usual.

Sebastian glanced over at him with a slight frown. "I am not particularly eager to attend that event either."

"You never are," Ciel sniffed. He hoisted himself up to sit on the island in the center of the room and stole a biscuit from the jar, ignoring Sebastian's disapproving glare.

The demon sighed and turned back to the stove. "Well, apart from the fact that I am the one forced to deal with all of your frustrations that you cannot release on the party itself . . ."

"Shut up."

"I find it a most tedious holiday. The hypocrisy is delicious of course, but the sentiment is sickening. Honestly, the story contrived as the basis of this holiday is not even accurate."

Ciel nibbled thoughtfully on a second biscuit and reminded himself to ask about that later. Right now though, he had a more pressing question. "Do you think I can plead sickness? The weather has been quite wretched lately. And Lizzie will be placated by that damned New Year's party she tricked me into hosting."

Sebastian chuckled. "Oh, but I seem to recall you agreed to that of your own free will, kitten. It is certainly no one else's fault you are helpless against her pleading."

"Just answer the damn question. Stupid demon. Why do I put up with you?"

Snatching a fourth biscuit from Ciel's fingers just before it could touch his lips, Sebastian smirked widely. "Now now. I went to all the trouble of making you a second meal. I refuse to allow you to ruin it by eating the entire jar of biscuits." Ciel kicked out, only to have his ankle grabbed by a firm hand. Sebastian grinned. Really, his human was adorable when he pouted like that. "And as to your question, perhaps you could get away with a lie. If you can act convincingly. You know you will have to phone and convince your aunt of your illness. And don't you dare make me do it."

"But you are such a good actor." Ciel put on his sweetest innocent child act.

Sebastian snorted. "You're not fooling anyone here. In any case, I'm in no mood to be civil to your relatives."

Ciel sighed. "Yes, I know. Fine. I'll phone her on Christmas morning and hope she doesn't decide tradition is more important than my health."

Sebastian growled softly. "I will kill anyone who endangers your health in any way. Especially for something so inane."

It was Ciel's turn to smirk as he slid down from the counter and headed back to the dining table. "I'm not actually sick, Sebastian. Remember?"

Sebastian only growled again and settled himself close beside Ciel after setting down the fresh meal. Ciel didn't protest. In truth, Sebastian's protectiveness was welcome. It was proof that he was truly wanted. And he couldn't fault the demon for his possessive tendencies when the feelings were mutual.

* * *

For the life of him, Ciel could not remember how he'd allowed himself to be roped into this. Of course, saying no to Lizzie was always an ordeal. It was often easier to simply indulge her. Even so, why the hell had he agreed to organize and host a New Year's party of all things. Well, she had organized everything and somehow convinced him to let her use his manor as the backdrop. Thank everything in existence it was finally over. The final guests were gathering their hats and coats and saying their farewells.

Ciel suppressed the urge to cover his ears and hide his face from the bright world. His head was pounding. His headache had never really subsided as he and Sebastian tried to find some form of mental equilibrium between them. And the noise and obligation of the party had only made it that much worse. Lizzie, for all her good intentions, had the worst possible voice and personality to soothe a headache.

To make matters worse, Sebastian was nowhere to be found. And Ciel could glean nothing useful from the few thoughts he could discern. A sense of anger and slight apprehension were all he could really identify. Those damned barriers hid everything else, like his location and the cause for the anger. He got the impression Sebastian was doing it to spare him from something, but at this moment he couldn't care less. The deep-seeded ache in his chest reminding him undeniably that his demon was not nearby was more uncomfortable than even the throbbing headache. And on top of that, he had to force a smile and cheer he certainly did not feel.

Lizzie turned and offered him a bright smile as Mey-Rin closed the doors behind the last of the guests. "I think that was a success," she said happily.

Ciel just nodded, brow creased in pain.

"Lady, your usual room has already been prepared," Mey-Rin said. "Please just let me know when you wish to retire."

Lizzie inclined her head in thanks. "I think I'd like to stay up just a while longer."

And that was another thing. Ciel wasn't at all certain when it was decided that Lizzie should stay the night and the next day after the party. He fervently hoped she was too tired to stay up long. Where was Sebastian?

"Ciel, is everything all right?"

He glanced up and realized Lizzie was studying him with concern. "Yes. I am just a bit tired."

"Oh, of course. It has been a long day and you were just sick only a few days ago. If you want to go to bed, I won't mind. I can read in the library."

Relief rushed through Ciel and he struggled not to seem too eager as he replied. "Are you certain, Lizzie? I would hate to leave you on your own, but I truly did not sleep well last night."

"Really, it's fine. I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled and Ciel groaned inwardly, already dreading the day of having to entertain her.

There was only one problem now. He looked toward Mey-Rin, resenting the necessity of asking someone else. "Mey-Rin, have you seen Sebastian anywhere?"

The woman frowned and shook her head. "No sir, I haven't seen him since the start of the party. I'll ask the others if you want?"

She gave him a strange look as though asking why he didn't know where the butler was. Ciel carefully schooled his expression to show nothing. Both he and Sebastian had noted the curious glances all the servants had been casting in their direction ever since their return. Neither had acknowledged them and the others, respectful of their superiors, had not approached the matter directly. But Ciel knew they would soon. The separation had gotten marginally easier over the past few days, but only just. It was not quite normal for Sebastian to be attached to Ciel at the hip when there was work to be done, but they had always associated closely and had counted on that reputation to explain away their abnormal behavior. It was a weak excuse at best and they all knew it. This was the first time in days that Ciel had lost sight of his demon and it hurt. A much deeper and more powerful ache than any other complaint to which he could have freely admitted.

"Yes, please do," Ciel answered the maid's question, not quite managing to hide his irritation. "I'll be in the library with Lizzie."

Mey-Rin nodded and hurried down the hallway. Ciel turned and followed Lizzie, who had already moved towards the large double doors of the library. She looked around, surprised, when Ciel opened the door for her.

"I thought you were going to bed."

"I am. But it seems Sebastian has decided to disappear somewhere, so I am waiting for someone to find him."

Lizzie grinned. "Oh, well, you can show me where the fiction section is."

Ciel obliged, guiding her towards the shelves which held the novels, pointing out the row of romances left over from his mother's collection. He honestly wasn't sure why Sebastian had bothered to recreate all of this; he supposed it was the demon's ridiculous aesthetic. Leaving her to browse, Ciel wandered towards one of the large reading chairs set in various places around the room. He all but fell into the chair, dropping his head into his hands. He had no intention of reading. Once again, he tried to find a way around those glassy walls. He was angry, yes, but he was also worried, a little afraid even. There was no good reason for his demon to just vanish with no word and close himself off as though he were hiding. Ciel closed his eyes and let himself slide into his own mind. He tried to shut out the rest of the world and focus on Sebastian. Nothing save a growing irritation and a purely physical joy of exertion. He vaguely registered the sound of the library door and Mey-Rin calling out.

And then . . . pain! Shock! Rage!

The walls were down and Ciel was drowning. A sharp pain shot through his torso; it felt as though someone had stabbed a white hot dagger into his side. Someone had! No, no, not him. not . . .

Ciel was up and moving before he was aware of making a decision. He was running; he might have been screaming. If anyone called out to him, he didn't hear it.

Ciel ran blindly, head full of a roiling tangle of emotions and none of them good. His side ached. But no, he had to remind himself, it was not his pain. It wasn't his. He could not let it overwhelm him.

His shoes sank into the loose snow, cold water soaking into his stockings. Ciel didn't notice. He was drawn onward by a desperate pull, an instinctual need to defend, laughable as that would have seemed at any other time. His mate was injured and far too shocked and disoriented to focus. Those damned walls had come down only because the force of Sebastian's shock had destroyed them.

He hadn't felt pain like this in centuries, perhaps never. Sharp, burning, all consuming.

Ciel had never run faster.


	6. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know this chapter is short. but sometimes it just works out that way.

Ciel emerged into a clearing in the center of the woods at the back of his property. He was bleeding from several scratches across his face, courtesy of low hanging tree branches. Skidding to a stop, he might have fallen if he hadn't grabbed a convenient sapling to steady himself.

Ciel stared around, eyes wide and frantic. The snow was black. Black and churned up in places and packed down in others. Splatters of reddish-black liquid covered the nearby trees. But the snow around the single form crouching against a tree directly across from Ciel was black.

Ciel stepped slowly as he crossed the clearing, suddenly afraid to see. But he couldn't see, and that was worse.

Sebastian crouched at the base of a large tree, back braced against the trunk, head hanging. His hair, tangled and wet, obscured his face. One clawed, bare hand was pressed to his left side, black blood seeping between his fingers. His entire body was trembling, right to the tips of the large, dark wings drooping limply around his shoulders. The feathers were ragged and blood trickled from several small wounds where something had torn into the wing itself. It looked as though the tree was all that was holding him up. His previously immaculate uniform hung in tatters. There was no sign of his beloved tailcoat; perhaps he'd removed it himself.

Ciel fell to his knees, careless of ruining his own clothes. "What the hell happened!"

Sebastian lifted his head only slightly, eyes burning with pain peering through his hair to find Ciel's face. "It seems . . . that I underestimated the degree of her instability. You . . . you should be inside. Ciel, I can't . . ."

Sebastian braced a hand against the tree trunk and attempted to stand. Ciel gripped his shoulder, stopping him. His own eyes squeezed shut at the flare of pain through Sebastian's side. He swore.

"You can explain this later. Just . . . just tell me what's wrong. Why does it hurt so damn much?"

"Demon blade," Sebastian whispered, voice rough. "Hell knows where she got it. I thought we knew the locations of all of them. No one would have willingly let that bitch have any kind of weapon."

Ciel opened his eyes and looked down at Sebastian's side, at the black blood leaking between the fingers trying to stem the flow. He clinched his jaw, refusing to let the sight unnerve him. What was a little blood? Well, a lot of blood. A hazy image of a woman flickered through the pain. Ciel would see her dead if it killed him. Later, when he could think, when his bond-mate was not bleeding out before his eyes, Ciel would wonder at his own vehemence. He was certainly no stranger to vengeance but this was a rage the likes of which he'd never known. A rage of a possessive need to defend what was his. Revenge for another, not himself. Perhaps he would finally admit that he wanted this union. But now, he had more immediate concerns.

"Let me see."

Sebastian grimaced but removed his hand from the wound. It wasn't doing him any good to leave it there anyway. His side was soaked in blood down to his thigh.

Ciel leaned in to see and had to press a hand to his mouth to suppress an urge to wretch. This was something he should never have to see. Though, as wounds went, it was not the worst Ciel had seen His own body had suffered injuries which looked just as bad as this. Though he was certain he'd never bled this much from one wound.

The soaked fabric of Sebastian's shirt had been ripped away from the spot, revealing the gaping stab wound over his rib cage. It looked as though the blade had been driven in with force to the hilt and twisted, ripping the flesh around it to ribbons. The edges of the open wound were ragged and with all the blood, Ciel couldn't tell how deep it was. His hand was actually trembling as he reached out to touch Sebastian's cheek. His chest seized as he realized he had no idea what to do. Even with all the times he had made Sebastian promise to never leave him, Ciel had never truly believed that he could lose the demon. Certainly not to something as simple as a stab wound. But this . . . this was the type of injury which killed and Sebastian should not be trying to stem the flow of blood with his own hand. He should have healed by now. Suddenly, the possibility of finding himself alone was terrifyingly real and Ciel knew without a doubt that his sanity would not survive long. How the hell could one become so attached to another so quickly?

"Ciel, please don't panic. It won't help either of us."

Sebastian's eyes were dark with agony and impotent anger and Ciel concentrated on the problem of easing that pain. The rising panic thankfully receded somewhat as Ciel fell back on cold logic.

"Do you know how deep it is?"

"The blade was roughly six inches. Ciel, I cannot remain conscious much longer."

Ciel didn't try to hide his alarm. "What do you mean?"

"I'm losing too much blood. Which means I'm losing energy. If I allow myself to slip into unconsciousness, my body will require less energy and will be able to begin healing this mess. It can heal, but I don't know how long it might take and I cannot survive without energy."

Ciel stared at him silently for only a second before pressing his own wrist against Sebastian's mouth. "Drink."

Somewhere in a detached corner of his mind, Ciel reflected on the irony of the situation. He supposed it was only fair given the number of times Sebastian had healed him, quite a few of those with that same word.

"I can't."

"Rubbish. You have to."

"I don't know if I can stop." The demon's voice was a near growl as he fought his own instinct.

"You have to," Ciel repeated.

It was true. The survival instinct applied to the survival of one's mate as well. As the loss of a bond-mate could, and almost always did, drive the survivor mad. Ciel could not have expressed this in so many words, but he intuited that Sebastian would be unable to kill him. Because he would not allow himself to do it.

With no further arguments or remaining control, Sebastian gripped Ciel's forearm and latched his mouth to the inside of the slender wrist. Ciel braced himself and a split second later felt the sharp sting of the initial bite as fangs pierced thin flesh. The demon sucked hard, lost to need. Ciel swayed slightly and had to brace against the tree as well to steady himself. The pain and confusion and fear of the situation overrode the usually arousing sensation. Instead, Ciel concentrated on it to keep his mind from shutting down in shock.

By the time Sebastian released him, Ciel was dangerously lightheaded, spots dancing at the edges of his vision. Dimly, he realized he'd lost his eye patch at some point. He didn't care.

"Ciel."

Sebastian's voice was weak but urgent. Ciel had to try three times before he managed to get his mouth to actually form words. A red haze obscured everything; the ocean of Sebastian's mind was black and uneasy and Ciel's consciousness cringed away, struggling not to drown in the darkness.

"Yes. I'm . . . I'm awake."

Sebastian's eyelids drooped and he slowly allowed himself to slide down onto his uninjured side. Ciel's hand never left its place pressed to his demon's cheek. He sat in the snow beside the prone form, unaware of the freezing cold seeping into his bones. The pain was worse.

"I need . . . you to keep pressure on the wound," Sebastian forced out. He was already falling, down into the darkness where Ciel was afraid to follow. "Ciel. I think the bleeding will stop. I think. Master, please."

Ciel would never admit to the tears which filled his eyes at those words. The reflexive habit of a relationship which could never truly be forgotten. He tore the remaining tatters of Sebastian's shirt away from his body with shaking fingers and folded the scraps into a pad. Laying the pad of cloth over the terrible hole in his mate's side, Ciel leaned on his arm, allowing his weight to add the necessary pressure. How the fuck did you even treat such an injury? What was he going to do? There was no way he could get them both back up to the house on his own. And Sebastian . . .

"You are not allowed to die on me, demon."

A tiny flicker of amusement flashed through the haze. "No, my little lord. My little soul."

And with those faint words, Ciel felt Sebastian slip away from him into the black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry


	7. 6

Ciel would never know how long he sat in the snow, leaning against his unconscious demon, keeping pressure on a wound he was afraid could not heal. He was not dressed for the weather; he had run with no thought to his own health. By the time Bard and Finny found them, Ciel was shivering uncontrollably. His teeth chattered and he was shaking so hard it hurt. But he didn't move, afraid to remove his weight from Sebastian.

At first, Ciel thought he was imagining the voices calling for him. But a moment later the crunch of footsteps on snow filtered into his frozen mind and he lifted his head with some effort. Some part of him worried; this would certainly take quite a bit of explaining. Explanations he'd never intended to give. No help for it, now. At least, they could carry Sebastian inside and there, maybe, something could be done.

"Master?" Bard's gruff shout was much closer now. The sound of breaking twigs accompanied the footsteps.

"Master? Where are you?" Finny sounded close to tears.

Ciel tried to call out to alert them to his location, but was unable to force the words out past his chattering teeth and numb lips. It hardly mattered a moment later as the two servants emerged into the clearing. They stopped, staring with wide eyes at the scene before them. Ciel wondered what they thought, whether the full picture was clear from where they stood. The snow which had fallen in the time between Ciel's arrival and theirs had covered the blood soaking the ground but splatters were still visible on the surrounding tree trunks. And though he and Sebastian were covered by a thin layer of the stuff, Sebastian's prone position and the way Ciel huddled at his side were obvious signs of something amiss.

It was Finny who approached first, running forward and dropping to his knees beside Ciel. "Master Ciel, what happened? What's wrong? Is Mr. Sebastian hurt?"

Bard approached more slowly and looked down at Ciel with a frown of disapproval. Ciel ignored it. He nodded shakily to Finny. As they drew closer to them, to Sebastian, Ciel had to fight an irrational urge to push them away and cover his mate with his own body. He wanted no one to touch Sebastian, felt the need to protect his person when the demon was incapable of doing so himself. He was loath to expose secrets belonging to him and Sebastian alone. But Sebastian was injured and he could do nothing without their help.

"What happened?" Finny repeated urgently.

Ciel sighed and made another valiant effort to speak without biting his own tongue. "Stabbed," he managed. Then tilted his head in the direction of the house, hoping they would get the message.

"We need to get you both inside," Bard said firmly, to Ciel's immense relief. "Then we can figure out what happened and what to do about it. Finny, I think Mr. Sebastian is unconscious. Carry him inside, would you?"

Finny nodded in agreement and started to move forward. Ciel tensed, wanting very badly to push them both away and hating himself for he knew how irrational it was. But he was also waiting for the inevitable. And then it came.

"Wait!" Bard cried, startling Finny into freezing. "What is that?"

Bard's gaze had caught on the dark shadow spread over the snow behind Sebastian. His wings. And the long hair indistinguishable from the feathers of the same color. Ciel resisted another urge to attempt to cover Sebastian. He licked his dry lips and tried to speak clearly. 

"You can ask all the questions you like later. Now is not the time."

Bard frowned, reaching down to offer Ciel a hand up. Ciel ignored it. He knew he had to move but it was so much harder than just fighting the creeping cold. He had been this cold before.

Ciel hesitantly lifted his weight from Sebastian and looked down to see that the pad of cloth had apparently frozen to Sebastian's skin. There was no fresh blood. Well that was something.

"Young master?"

Bard was still holding out his hand and Finny was studying Sebastian, trying to determine the best way to carry him. Ciel reluctantly took the proffered hand and allowed Bard to pull him to his feet. His eyes remained on Sebastian, watching Finny suspiciously, searching his demon's face for any signs of discomfort. There was no change as Finny carefully lifted the still form, trying to shift his balance to compensate for the large wings. Pain flared in Ciel's side and he cringed, pressing a hand there as though that would help. Even with Sebastian resting deep beneath the waters of his mind, the pain his body felt was still very present. Bard gave Ciel a strange look but made no comment.

They were silent as they began their slow trek up to the manor. It was an ordeal, trying to navigate through the close-set trees with an unconscious man. Ciel's eyes never left his mate. Sebastian's head hung down, his hair nearly touching the ground. One arm dangled and Ciel, watching to make certain those long claws didn't catch on anything, noticed for the first time how much blood was caked onto his fingertips and caught in the curve of his nails. The sight gave him a sort of savage joy. At least the bitch, whoever she was, had not gone unscathed. It was maddening that he had to rely on others for this. He hated that he was not able to care for his demon entirely. It hurt, physically hurt, to know Sebastian was injured and Ciel was all but helpless to do anything. And every time Sebastian was jostled accidently and the pain flared, Ciel wanted to scream at Finny for something which he knew the man couldn't control.

He breathed a sigh of relief when they finally stepped out from under the trees onto the lawn. The house was in sight. They quickened their pace, Ciel realizing for the first time that his fingers were numb and now eager to get into the warmth. But there was also the small problem of a certain cousin of his who would be quite worried and impossible to avoid. Still, he could try.

"Bring him to my room," Ciel said wearily as Bard opened the back door.

Both servants frowned curiously at him this time but neither commented, to his relief. Finny sidled through the door carefully, tongue between his teeth as he did his best not to drop his burden. Bard guided Ciel in after him. Mey-Rin was waiting just inside the door, ringing her hands anxiously.

"Oh, master Ciel! They found you they did. We were so worried when you just ran like that and we were already worried about Mr. Sebastian, yes we were."

Ciel wondered dully if the woman even needed to breathe like normal people. He shook his head and regretted it. He had to stop doing that.

"Mey-Rin," he sighed, rubbing his temples with tingling fingers. "Please go tell Lizzie that I am fine but that I think it would be best if she left in the morning. I know she will want to help but . . ." He glanced over at Sebastian, eyes lingering on the dark, tattered wings. "I do not think it would be wise."

Mey-Rin nodded frantically. "Of course. I'll tell her."

The maid apparently understood part of the reason Ciel wanted Lizzie gone. He only hoped she would be able to convince the girl to go and check in later, preferably not in person. Really, he barely cared beyond the desire not to deal with her. He just wanted to curl around Sebastian and not move until the demon woke and made him.

He started in the direction of the back stairs, only looking back to be sure he was being followed. To keep his eyes on his mate. To prevent himself from going mad, he focused on not letting his trembling and tingling limbs betray him. He heard Bard cursing softly behind him as he tried to help Finny maneuver the unconscious Sebastian up the relatively narrow staircase. Finally giving in to frustration, Ciel turned and gripped the demon's limp wings, which were proving to be the largest issue. Ciel easily folded them against Sebastian's back, well familiar with the joints and movement of the appendages which only rarely manifested. The two servants watched him, clearly wondering how Ciel knew the proper way to fold wings. Ciel wondered if they'd also noticed how Sebastian, though deeply buried in darkness, relaxed as much as he was able at Ciel's touch.

He stepped backwards up the stairs, grimacing at the awkward movement. But he had to keep his hands against Sebastian's back to keep the wings in place as the demon had no strength or awareness to control them himself. Finny and Bard followed, now having an easier time carrying the demon.

When they'd finally navigated the corridors and doorways to reach Ciel's rooms, Ciel gently guided Sebastian as Finny set him down on the bed. He was careful not to cramp the folded wings as Sebastian was placed on his back. There was no use in causing more discomfort than was unavoidable. Without a thought, Ciel sank down beside his demon, carelessly kicking off his shoes and ignoring the fact that they were both getting the bed quite dirty.

"Um, Master Ciel?" Finny asked hesitantly. Ciel grunted in acknowledgement. "Shouldn't we summon a doctor? It looks . . . it looks so bad. I mean there's so much blood. It looks like it could kill him. And he hasn't even stirred."

Bard nodded. "Yeah, a doctor should definitely look at that wound. It's probably pretty deep. Finny, go call--"

"No!" Ciel sat bolt upright; he would have leapt to his feet if he wasn't so damn tired. And oh, it hurt to move.

Both men stared at him, wide-eyed. "But we can't do nothing for him by ourselves. I don't think any of us know how to treat stab wounds," Bard protested.

Ciel dropped his head into his hands and resisted a strong desire to scream. "Are you both completely daft? Or perhaps you're just in shock. Look at him. I know you are not blind; it's clear he's not human. And I do not need anyone, however discrete they claim to be, discovering secrets not even you should have learned. Besides, what do you think a human doctor could do anyway? It will heal." _Or it wouldn't_. But he wouldn't allow himself to entertain that thought.

Finny and Bard stared at each other for a long moment, then at Sebastian for a longer moment. Finally, Bard shook himself and said, as though trying to make what sense he could out of the situation, "Well, we should at least get you taken care of, Young Master." He reached out and gripped Ciel's arm, probably to help him stand. "You should take a warm bath, or sit by the fire for a bit, or something. Come on now."

"No!"

Again Ciel nearly shouted the word, wrenching free of Bard's grasp with surprising strength. Strength born of panic. He couldn't leave Sebastian's side, not even for a moment. He couldn't turn his back on his mate, who was now at his most vulnerable. Even if all Ciel could do was put himself between Sebastian and any danger. He had to be there to do that. And with the situation so unclear to him, he refused to move even as far as across the bedroom. His anger and anxiety had been strained quite enough this evening and this was too far.

Dimly, he felt a groggy brush against his mind as he struggled to get his rapid breathing under control. Sebastian was stirring, disturbed by the feeling of Ciel's panic, unintentionally calling for him. Despite the pain that rushed in on him, he dragged his consciousness up from the darkness and tried to reach out to soothe his mate. Ciel was close, he knew that, though he couldn't feel anyone touching him. Sebastian could also tell that he had finally stopped bleeding, for now at least. So why . . .

"Master, you might have gotten frostbite," Finny said worriedly. "Please, you need to at least come closer to the fire and try to warm up. Your lips are blue."

"I am not moving," Ciel said.

His tone had become deadly cold, the tone he used when addressing those he planned to kill. A tone he'd never used around any of his three human servants. Sebastian understood. He didn't need to see the men to know they had shrunk back from his human; he could smell their rising fear and confusion.

Still, Bard tried once more. "Master Ciel, come on now, this is ridiculous. We'll keep an eye on him I promise. And maybe he'd be more comfortable if you weren't crowding him on the--"

A low, warning growl halted the man midsentence. Sebastian's hands shot out, eyes still closed, still half lost in unconsciousness, but knowing precisely where his mate was nonetheless. He seized Ciel by the waist and yanked him down against his chest. Despite the pain that flared through them both, Sebastian twisted to cover his little human, curling his own body protectively around him and only relaxing when small hands tangled in his hair and Ciel wrapped himself just as tightly around the demon. Sebastian was unaware of the continuous growl vibrating in his chest; his only thought was that he needed Ciel with him, needed his mate close, needed these others to go away. Away if they valued their lives because he was not at all in control and fuck he needed . . . needed . . .

Ciel suddenly tensed against him and turned his face away from where it had been buried against Sebastian's neck. "Leave," he snapped to Bard and Finny who still stood shell-shocked a few feet away. "Get out of here right now. And not one of you come near this room until I call for you. If you would like to keep your souls, run."

Sebastian was trembling, clinging so tightly to Ciel that he knew he was hurting him. Truly, the only thing keeping him from attacking, from taking the energy, the sustenance he needed, was that he could not let go of his mate. And some part of his rational mind reminded him that this was not how he repaid loyalty. Even so . . .

The two servants only stared for half a second before obeying, fleeing from the room as though running for their lives. Which they were. It hardly mattered what had convinced them so quickly, only that it had worked. And the demon could still smell them, still feel prey nearby, but the scent had faded, overtaken by his mate's scent of exhaustion and fear. He knew Ciel was still far too cold. He also knew that he needed to let himself slip again into sleep; it was the best way to conserve his strength. He didn't have the energy to stay alert anyway.

Ciel's hands shook as they ran over Sebastian's wings with infinite care. "Tell me you hurt her?"

Sebastian only nuzzled into Ciel's hair and cuddled him as close as possible. He tried to wrap the smaller body in warmth even as he felt coldness creeping in his own bones. Ciel clung to Sebastian just as tightly and whispered against his chest, "Go back to sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

Those words made some of the cold recede and Sebastian clung to the knowledge that his mate was there. It was difficult to let go and allow himself to slip beneath the surface again; he hated being unaware. So he held tightly to Ciel as he sank. Ciel swore to let no one else near his demon while he was so defenseless. He could do that much.


	8. 7

"But why would he send me away? If they're hurt, I can help." Lizzie's eyes sparkled with tears. She was worried, bewildered, and hurt that Ciel would not trust her to help. And he couldn't have come to tell her this himself?

"I'm sorry, lady, I am. I don't know why he would do that," Mey-Rin said helplessly. 

"Well, do you at least know what happened? Why did he run off like that?"

Mey-Rin shook her head, frowning. "I don't know exactly. The young master seemed fine, just really cold. But Mr. Sebastian, I don't know. There was a lot of blood."

She did not mention that there were impossible changes, wings and deadly fangs. And that the blood soaking the butler's side had looked oddly darker than it should. It had looked so black it almost seemed to suck in all the light. She suspected that this had something to do with why Ciel wanted to send his cousin away. So she kept silent.

"But," Lizzie frowned, troubled, "how did he know?"

"I dunno but something weird's goin' on." The women turned to see Bard and Finny in the doorway, looking quite unnerved. "It's like he could feel the pain Sebastian did. Like he'd been stabbed too."

"Stabbed!" Lizzie cried, a hand flying to her mouth in horror. "What happened?"

"All he would tell us was that Mr. Sebastian was stabbed," Finny said quietly. "He wouldn't let us do anything. Not even call for the doctor. Don't feel bad, lady. He said none of us were to come anywhere near them until he said otherwise."

The four of them stared at each other, at a loss. The three servants were tense. They all knew there was something going on, something which they silently agreed not to reveal to Miss Elizabeth. They were frightened, but they were well-used to keeping unusual secrets. To live in the Phantomhive household was to live in the shadows and none of them were quite ready to drag the girl down with them.

Finally, Lizzie broke the silence. "I'll leave first thing in the morning. On one condition: You have to promise to keep me updated. I want to know how they're doing."

"Of course, lady," Mey-Rin said softly.

"We'll tell you as soon as we know anything," Bard agreed, clearly displeased with the situation.

Lizzie nodded and started towards the door. "I think I will go to bed now. I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

Mey-Rin followed the girl out and up to the room she usually occupied during her visits. Behind her the two men exchanged another glance. Neither of them could quite explain the creeping dread crawling up their spines but they understood each other. Even with no clear idea of what had just happened, they somehow knew they'd just been spared.

* * *

Ciel's limbs ached as they warmed. Surrounded by the inferno of Sebastian's body, the cold was fading quickly. But it still hurt. Ciel barely noticed.

If he didn't know better, he might think Sebastian was dead; he was so very still. Ciel wasn't even certain he was breathing. Of course, he'd never been certain Sebastian needed to breathe. But even deeply asleep, the demon remained tightly wrapped around his mate, the embrace a mixture of protective and possessive. And Ciel was content with that, clinging just as tightly to Sebastian. Even so, it unnerved him. Despite the heat blanketing him, an almost feverish burn, Ciel felt terrifyingly alone.

He lay, eyes closed and concentrating on the faint sense of Sebastian's mind, and tried to rest. His body was exhausted: a long, trying day; the emotional strain; the loss of blood; the time spent outside in the cold. And he could feel Sebastian's weariness and pain still seeping into him.

Despite all of this, he'd expected to lie awake longer; his mind was still spinning. But the physical exhaustion overtook him.

Ciel didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until he woke, stiff and not at all rested. His entire body was sore and his side throbbed. Sebastian, still buried beneath the thick blanket of sleep, had not moved an inch. Apparently, he had no control or energy to block Ciel from sharing his sensations. Ciel expected as much, but it still hurt like hell. And he didn't have the luxury of spending his time unconscious. At least it was easier to push through as it was not immediate, but secondhand.

Ciel looked down at the wound on Sebastian's side. The pad of cloth was still in place, undisturbed as neither of them had stirred. Dried blood covered most of the demon's visible skin. Ciel shifted and grimaced as the stuff pulled at his own skin. They both were in terrible need of a bath. And he supposed he should at least try to clean out the open wound; it might help. Though he dreaded having to look at it. Not that he was even sure he could get up, let alone go all the way across the room to fetch a wet cloth. Sebastian's arms were immovable and Ciel wasn't keen to move them. But his skin itched.

With a deep sigh, Ciel began the laborious task of disengaging from Sebastian. A faint growl escaped the demon and his hold tightened, but Ciel squirmed free and reluctantly climbed from the bed. He glanced over his shoulder as he crossed the room to see Sebastian's face twisted with displeasure, an arm outstretched as though searching for him. Ciel sighed again and resisted the urge to ignore his discomfort and crawl back into bed. 

Before anything else, he locked the door. Just in case. Not that it would do a damn bit of good if Sebastian were truly of a mind to get to someone. But at least it would prevent the others from entering. Then he stepped into his bathroom, wincing at the cold leaching through his thin stockings from the bare tiles.

He returned to the bed a moment later, carrying a small basin of water with a few cloths draped over the rim. He set the basin on the bedside table and sighed with relief as he sank down on the edge of the bed. His skin had been crawling with anxious tension from the second he'd turned his back on Sebastian. Some of that discomfort finally eased as he leaned over the demon to examine him more closely.

He winced at the amount of dried blood caked onto Sebastian's side and streaked across the majority of his body. What clothing remained was utterly destroyed. Beneath the blood and dirt, Ciel could make out a sprawling web of less serious scratches, cuts, and bruises. His wings were still tattered. Apparently all of his resources were going into mending the life threatening injury. That wound was still hidden by the makeshift pad of fabric.

Ciel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had never thought to find himself in the position of caretaker and, if he allowed himself to think too much, he knew he could easily become overwhelmed. So he would not allow that to happen.

Opening his eyes, Ciel began the arduous task of removing Sebastian's ruined clothing. First the shoes and black socks; even his socks were stained with blood. Then the torn trousers, which he simply pulled down Sebastian's long legs, cursing the demon's size and weight which were working against him. He tossed everything carelessly to the floor.

Ciel dipped one of the cloths in the water, wincing at the cold, and rung it out. As he knelt on the bed beside Sebastian and began washing away the filth as best he could, he thought wryly that this must be the only time he had full access to a very naked Sebastian and sex was the last thing on his mind. He pressed a hand to his own side, gritting his teeth, as the cloth disturbed the various scabs.

Ciel pushed the pain to the back of his mind by sheer force of will and concentrated on gently wiping the blood from Sebastian's face. The silence felt like a physical weight baring him down. The only sounds were the soft splash of water and brush of cloth across skin. He grimaced as the cloth became quite saturated with blood, and turned to rinse it in the basin. In seemingly no time at all the clear water turned black and there was no sign of the cloth's original color. Though Ciel had not yet touched Sebastian's side.

His chest actually ached as he turned his back on his demon again to retrieve fresh water. A low growl vibrated in Sebastian's chest, though he'd not moved so much as an inch as Ciel cleaned away the blood. Not even when he had to scrub at some of the cuts to get the dirt out. He'd gritted his teeth as he did this, feeling the intense sting in his own flesh. But he was determined to do this right.

Returning with fresh water, Ciel tossed the dirty cloth in the direction of the pile of clothes on the floor, exchanging it for a clean one. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Time to tackle the true problem. Biting his lip, Ciel carefully cleaned the blood caked onto Sebastian's skin around the wound in his side. He knew he was stalling as he meticulously scrubbed away every speck, avoiding touching even the edges of the blood soaked pad of fabric covering the stab wound. He was forced to refresh the water and locate a third clean cloth before he had removed all traces of dried blood.

Kneeling again at Sebastian's side, holding a fresh cloth, Ciel finally gripped the corner of the pad between two fingers and quickly yanked it away. He tossed it aside, keeping his eyes fixed on the ragged gash beneath. It was bloody, jagged bits of flesh hung from the edges and particles of dirt mixed with the blood. But all the blood was dried; there was no fresh blood apparent, despite the removal of the pressure. Ciel frowned. Not that he wanted to see more blood, but shouldn't an open wound like this still be bleeding at least some? He shook his head. Really, what did he know about wounds and wound care? He'd never paid attention when Sebastian had tended his own various injuries, even when he was conscious during the process.

Sighing, Ciel reached out and tentatively touched the damp cloth to the ravaged flesh. Sebastian flinched beneath his hand and a tiny, sympathetic whimper escaped Ciel's throat. This was going to hurt. Steeling himself, he carefully wiped away the surface layer of filth as gently as he could. He watched his demon closely but Sebastian didn't stir save for the fingers of one hand which clenched in the sheets, claws tearing through the fabric. Ciel sighed. He fervently hoped he could get through this quickly.

He had no idea how long he worked on cleaning out the terrible wound; he lost count of how many times he had to refresh the water. It was amazing, he thought, how much dirt could collect in such an injury, seemingly from nowhere. And the injury in question was deep; Ciel could actually see bone when he finally cleared away the blood. It appeared as though the dagger had hit a rib. At least the rib had actually prevented the blade from being driven in all the way to the hilt, if Sebastian had been correct about its length. The wound appeared to be only three or so inches deep. 

Ciel sighed as he finally straightened, having meticulously scrubbed every speck of dirt he could find out of the wound. He was infinitely grateful that Sebastian had been unconscious throughout this process because, even secondhand, the pain had threatened to overwhelm him several times. He supposed there must be a better way to clean a stab wound but he was no doctor. Which was why he told himself firmly not to panic when he noticed that there was still no fresh blood, even as he abused the raw flesh. He reminded himself of what he'd told Bard and Finny: he's not human. Perhaps demon's healed differently.

Ciel blinked several times, trying to keep his eyelids open and chase away the encroaching blackness. He needed rest, true rest. Especially as his demon, his mate, was so weak.

He climbed off the bed, gritting his teeth against the pain of wounds he did not possess and sore muscles that were purely his own body's protests. He stripped off the clothes he still wore with fingers shaking from fatigue, dropping them to the floor with Sebastian's. He glanced back at Sebastian, whose face was tight with pain even in unconsciousness. Chewing his lip again, an anxious habit Sebastian had tried and failed to break him of, Ciel forced himself to move. He refreshed the water once again, found the last clean cloth in his entire quarters, and roughly scrubbed his own skin. He worked as quickly as possible, not caring that he was rubbing his arms raw. He wanted the blood gone.

Finally satisfied enough to stop scrubbing, he dropped the cloth into the dirty water and collapsed back onto his bed beside Sebastian. The sheets were still filthy but he was too exhausted to care. He moved over, carefully curling against Sebastian, who instinctively wrapped warm arms around his little mate. Ciel buried his face against Sebastian's neck and tried to convince himself the pinpricks behind his eyes were not tears. He was strong but even he could not go on forever without cracking. And he had not felt so desperately close to cracking since that month he'd spent in hell. Sebastian said he would heal. But what if he could not? And what if she came back? And how the hell was he supposed to keep them both fed when he could not bear to leave Sebastian's side nor allow any others near for fear that the demon would not be able to control his need? Ciel bit down on his tongue but the tears filled his eyes anyway and he swore. He let out a shaky sigh and gave up. There was no one to see him cry himself to sleep.

* * *

He trembles. The stone is cold against his bare back. And it hurts where it touches his wounds. But he is too cold and afraid to care much about that. His limbs ache from harsh treatment and racking shivers. He is afraid to open his eyes, foolishly hoping that if he can't see what is coming then it won't come.

He can hear their excited, manic voices. They are chanting, some laughing through the words, some moaning in a way which sickens him with the memories it stirs. He can smell the candles burning and savagely wishes someone would knock one over and burn this entire place to the ground. Of course, no one hears that wish either.

So he withdraws deep into his own mind, forcing out the sounds and smells and pain. He tries to conjure a memory, any memory, of happier times. But he simply cannot remember what it is like to be warm. So he resorts to the numbness he's come to depend on over the past weeks. The noise surrounding him becomes no more than a meaningless drone of sound. He much prefers it that way.

So when a rough hand seizes his hair and yanks his head back to bare his throat for the knife, shattering his haze, he panics. Screams ring off the walls and the figures cheer as the tip of the blade draws the first drop of blood.

And then another hand enters his field of vision and, as though by instinct, he struggles to reach for it. Those nails-- no claws-- look just as terrifying as the knife at his throat but he knows they are not for him. He suddenly relaxes, relief flooding him. He will be saved, he will not die here, he will have his justice. He blinks the panic from his eyes to see the two figures standing over him, one still holding a wicked blade to his vulnerable throat and the other, tall, dark, hidden beneath a cloak of writhing shadows, gripping the first's throat in one clawed hand. Crimson eyes glow from the depths of those shadows and he thinks he has never seen such a beautiful color. Finally, someone has answered. He will accept it; God has given him nothing but torture.

The dark being gently lays its other hand against the child's face and smiles. He does not recoil from the gleaming fangs anymore than he does from the ebony claws. He listens as a seductively melodic voice begins speaking words he has to work to understand.

But those words never quite reach his ears as a second hooded figure drives a rusty sword deep into the creature's back.

He has a second to think that surely a being like this cannot be killed by something so mundane. And then the pain slams into him as an inhuman shriek splits the air. He doesn't know if it belongs to him or the shadowed being whose agony and fury are nearly suffocating in the intensity of every one of those blood-curdling screams. No no no no no! They can't! But his savior is collapsing across the very altar to which he is bound, a heavy weight settling across his own body. No, maybe the being will heal like supernatural creatures are supposed to and simply get back up to tear apart these monsters. But as black blood soaks into the rags he has left to call clothing, he knows this will not happen.

The figures are screaming in ecstasy; they are quite mad he is certain. But he only has eyes for the creature who finally came to him when no one else did. And what's left of his heart shatters.

When the knife is drawn across his throat, slicing deep enough to sever his windpipe, he welcomes it.

Ciel woke with a scream locked behind his lips, panic clawing its way up his throat.


	9. 8

Sebastian was jolted into consciousness, disoriented and flooded with a completely unfamiliar sensation. It took him a full thirty seconds to realize it was panic. Absolute panic. Terror and shock and pain. And it was blinding.

He thought he knew what fear felt like, though he had but rarely experienced it himself. Now he realized what he understood to be fear and heartache were merely shadows of the true things. Something was very wrong. Something terrible had happened and there was blood. So much blood and not all of it was his. And the pain was real, all consuming, though it was not the pain of the flesh he knew all too well. But still, it hurt. As though a hand had reached into his chest and ripped the physical heart from its rightful place.

He felt the growl vibrating in his throat, the snarl that twisted his face, but could hear nothing over the ringing in his ears. His mate was hurt. His Ciel was afraid. The fear flooding him was not his directly but it fed his own alarm and, dear hells, he couldn't fathom the depths of that anguish. For the first time he thought, a bit wildly, that he'd never known half of what he thought he knew.

Sebastian clenched his jaw and fought through the frantic distress pounding against his defenses. He wanted to see; he had to protect his mate. But had he ever really succeeded in protecting Ciel from his own mind? Sebastian was trembling.

Through the haze, a different pain registered. His ribs and various injuries ached from the pressure and his back stung. The sting was familiar; the almost comforting dig of his mate's fingernails clinging as tightly as possible. It grounded him.

"Ciel." His voice was choked; a sound he barely recognized. "Ciel."

Sebastian finally blinked his eyes open and the world crashed into focus. Ciel was wrapped around his demon as tightly as possible, clinging in every way he could. He was shaking uncontrollably, his breathing erratic and shallow. Sebastian was, yet again, grateful that his human had mostly grown out of his asthma. Or was it the constant ingestion of a demon's blood? Even so, Ciel was nearly choking on his distress. Sebastian's skin was wet with tears to which he knew Ciel would never admit. A soft whine of pain left him unbidden. With such a connection, the pain of one was always the pain of both but Sebastian had no idea how to understand the anguish of a damaged human child. For the first time in his very long life, guilt at his callousness twisted around his heart.

And then a single image separated itself from the fog, stark and shocking. Sebastian recognized the stone altar, the rusted chains, even the hooded figure with a knife to the small boy's throat. It was an image he had seen himself; the first image of Ciel his eyes had ever seen. But the focus of this memory was not the figure or the knife. No, there was something else in this scene, another figure, also familiar. Sebastian recognized himself as the pieces of Ciel's dream solidified in his mind and he sucked in a sharp breath. Ciel shuddered against him, pressing even closer as though trying to merge their bodies together. Sebastian closed his eyes and tried not to see the image of himself collapsing in his death throes across Ciel's chained and abused body. Ciel whimpered piteously.

"Oh, kitten," Sebastian whispered into Ciel's hair. "Come back to me, Ciel. I'm right here. Those people are long gone and I have no intention of ever leaving you."

His only answer was the tightening of fingers in his hair, tugging painfully. He ignored it; it was unimportant. Right now, even the pain of the gaping stab wound in his side was unimportant. His mate was lost for the second time in a week in an impenetrable mental fog but this time Sebastian didn't know how to save him.

So he resorted to the methods he'd used throughout the years of their contract, especially during that first year when Ciel had exactly nine dreamless nights. (Sebastian had counted.) He held the smaller body as close as he could. He rubbed Ciel's back in soothing circles and spoke to him softly, repetitive, nonsensical promises that were impractical but which he intended to keep anyway. He said nothing about the tears soaking his skin, unable, for the first time in his life, to find his usual disdain for the weakness. Instead, he curled mentally around his mate's mind just as he curled around his body. He tried to convey warmth and safety and home. And meant all of it despite the darkness at the core of his being.

Time and reality slipped away as Sebastian sank into the mists of their shared thoughts and whispered comfort to his trembling mate. A slow and laborious process, but it was working. Sebastian's relief trickled into his bones with every step he gained. Ciel's shivering slowed, he reached out unconsciously to meet Sebastian's mental embrace, his hands loosened their death grip on the demon and stroked his back in apology. Some indeterminable time later, Ciel finally fell still, laying exhausted and quiet against Sebastian's chest. His thoughts calmed, his mind almost blank as he fell into the numbness of aftershock. Sebastian sighed as he too relaxed. Damn, his side hurt. When Ciel spoke several moments later, Sebastian startled slightly.

"I apologize for my overreaction," Ciel whispered, his voice raspy but controlled.

Sebastian blinked in surprise. "What?"

"It was simply a dream," Ciel said. "I'm sure you don't need to deal with my irrational panic attacks on top of everything else."

Sebastian stared down at his mate's face, turned up towards him. Where was this coming from? Shame was twined around Ciel's thoughts. True shame which Sebastian had rarely seen from his human. And then a flicker of a thought caught his attention. 

"Ciel?" he asked slowly. "How long has it been since you had one of these attacks? The last one I remember was nearly eight months ago."

That one had been particularly severe but Sebastian could never convince Ciel to tell him the content of the triggering dream. That attack, which had only calmed after Sebastian had sat rocking Ciel in his arms for at least two hours, had also been the first episode in several months. And now that he thought on it, he remembered seeing the flickers of that shame in his master's expression when Ciel finally looked up to meet Sebastian's eyes. Sebastian had tried, then, to get Ciel to talk about it. But he refused, pushing his demon away in sudden anger. He'd remained particularly irritable and snappish, especially with Sebastian, for several days afterward.

Ciel looked down, unable to hold the demon's gaze. He hated to admit to any of the attacks he'd silently suffered through over the past few years. The ones that he knew he should have gotten over long ago. The ones he'd learned to hide even from Sebastian, no small feat considering it involved shielding his fear from the contract link. Only the worst had gotten through to the demon and Ciel had hated both himself and Sebastian for those times. This irrationality was weakness. He knew very well his dreams were just that, dreams, but he still couldn't shake the panic when they felt so very real. So he kept his shame to himself. Now Sebastian was looking at him expectantly and he had no remaining strength to lie to him. Not that Ciel thought he could do it now that the connection between them was wide open and so very intimate.

"The night of my birthday," he finally admitted, voice too soft for human ears to hear.

But of course Sebastian heard. "The night of . . . Ciel, why didn't you tell me? For that matter-" he frowned, troubled- "how did you not tell me? I should have known you were in need. I always know. That was one of the main points of the contract."

Ciel shook his head and sighed deeply. "I didn't want you to know. So I suppose I blocked it. I don't really know how. But I couldn't let you see such weakness."

A brief flash of memories: scathing words and disdainful looks; an angry outburst at a crying child that Sebastian had entirely forgotten; a blurry memory of Vincent Phantomhive telling his son that a man must always be strong and never show his enemies weakness, it was a woman's job to be emotional. And Sebastian hated guilt! Guilt had to be the most useless emotion, serving only to cause pain and promote poor self-preservation. Demons typically had no use for a conscience but Ciel's shame touched something deep in the back of Sebastian's mind because, in all honesty, it was unfounded. Facts were facts and Sebastian had contributed to this mess. And somewhere, somewhere in the small part of a demon's being that only their mate could ever awaken, it hurt that he'd failed to protect his human and that Ciel had not trusted him despite all the times Sebastian had held him through an episode.

"Please," Sebastian whispered. "Don't."

"Don't what," Ciel snapped. "Don't be human? I'm sorry, Sebastian, I can't change what I am."

And just like that, Ciel had thrown up his most effective wall: anger. But not even he knew quite where the anger was directed. He only knew that he was tired of being ashamed. He pulled back from Sebastian, glaring up at him, challenging him. But even in anger, he was careful not to jostle his injured mate too much, not to cause him more pain.

"No," Sebastian said tightly. "That is not what I meant. I meant . . . stop being ashamed for something that is beyond your control." And he couldn't keep the hurt from his voice as he whispered, "And stop hiding from me."

Ciel glared for another endless moment before he let out a shuddering breath and crumpled against Sebastian's chest. He buried his face in the crook of Sebastian's neck and wound long strands of silken hair around his fingers. He closed his eyes and gave up trying to keep Sebastian out. It hurt, to bare all of his shame and uncertainty, but it wasn't as though he hadn't already exposed the core of his very soul.

Sebastian made a small, wounded sound and pressed a kiss to the top of Ciel's head. "You are ashamed of your scars."

"Yes."

Sebastian sighed, running a hand down the slender back. He knew every one of those scars, both the physical and the mental. And he had never found them anything but beautiful. To him, they were marks of his mate's strength, reminders of the broken soul Sebastian had pieced back together into a shape which only he could hold. But he had also seen Ciel shudder at the sight of his own reflection. Ciel saw the faults in his flawless skin as defects in his own defenses. Because they reminded him that, no matter how many times he defeated an enemy or gained the respect of another associate, somewhere in his soul still lived that broken child who had resorted to begging when the pain was too much. It was over, but it was never over.

A warm hand rested against Ciel's side, a single fingertip touching the very edge of the mark Ciel worked most to forget. "Perhaps . . . perhaps we immortals have underestimated humans for far too long."

Ciel lay very still. Sebastian was quiet, almost melancholy, and Ciel was a little afraid of where this conversation was going. Though, he supposed it couldn't get much worse.

"What do you mean?"

Sebastian was silent for a long time but dark images flickered just beneath the surface of his thoughts. Images of Ciel that he fervently wished he didn't still see in his own dreams.

"I am crippled by a mere wound," Sebastian said at last, shame clear in his tone. "But while I collapsed, you were able to keep us both sane." That single finger traced ever so lightly over the hated brand. Ciel shivered. "In the beginning . . . I thought you weak for every tear you shed as I nursed you back to some semblance of health. But I was wrong. Your strength is incredible because of all the tears you had a right to cry but held back. By all rights, you should have died long before we met. I am sorry I did not find you sooner."

Ciel lifted his head to stare directly into Sebastian's eyes. "No. Don't ever say that. Because if I had not been shaped by that experience, I could not have been the mate you chose."

"Kitten, I know your mind."

Ciel bit his lip, slowly closing his eyes. "But I never thought of it that way," he whispered. "I never thought how that experience brought you to me and without it my life would have gone very differently. I could not have known that I would be missing something. But I think I would have known anyway. Maybe . . . maybe our suffering is amusing to the creatures of your realm, but it is why we will survive no matter what is forced upon us."

"Yes, little soul, perhaps you're right. But even after watching humans for centuries, you can still surprise me."

Ciel grasped the hand resting against his side, pulling Sebastian's touch away from the brand, and intertwined their fingers. "I don't resent that you did not come sooner. Perhaps I should, I certainly did at first, but now . . ."

"Now?"

"Now," Ciel sighed, "I can't imagine being anyone else than who I am. And it seems I had to suffer to become this."

"I would not have cared if you had not suffered," Sebastian admitted very softly. "I would never have noticed you if your soul had not been tainted."

Ciel was silent for a long time, unsure how to respond to such an admission. Finally, he asked, "Why did you notice me? I am one among millions. And surely you could have found an easier target than a master who needed your care as much as your service."

Sebastian shifted carefully, wincing, and settled Ciel more comfortably in the curve of his own body. He buried his face into Ciel's hair again and breathed. Ciel waited patiently as his demon collected his thoughts.

After a long silence, Sebastian spoke, breath softly stirring Ciel's hair. "I chose you because you were different. I have spent centuries observing and influencing humanity and in all that time nothing has changed. An endless stream of souls and not one was unique. Everyone likes to think they are different but, in truth, everyone's pain and joy are the same at the core. What makes a person unique is how they react to such things but humanity is incredibly predictable. You are a constant mystery to me. An effort I have not had to make in centuries. I have never known anyone as ruthless and gentle as you. I was drawn to the scent of your pain but I stayed because there is so much sweetness still tangled with the bitter hatred. I have never known another soul so innocent but so unbreakable. And perhaps a part of me knew."

He fell silent, mind quiet, strangely peaceful in the face of Ciel's chaotic thoughts. He'd meant every word he'd said and Ciel knew this, but still he could not quite believe it. But his disbelief was irrelevant. Sebastian knew and he had no time for self-doubt.

So Ciel closed his eyes and clung to Sebastian's certainty and tried to absorb his demon's words as truth. His hands slid unconsciously into Sebastian's hair, stroking his fingers through the silken strands, soothing them both. At some point, Sebastian's quiet purr reached Ciel's ears, vibrating in his bones, rising and falling with the rhythm of his heart. Perhaps he imagined that it eased the constant physical pain, but it did. Sebastian's hands rested against Ciel's back, warm and comforting. The demon's thoughts twined around his mate's in a mental embrace and Ciel sighed. They rested in peaceful silence, content in their shared understanding. Regardless of prior motivations and intentions, Ciel thought, this was their reality now. And if Sebastian, who stood to lose, was satisfied, then Ciel, who truthfully only stood to gain, could learn to survive. For the first time, he consciously allowed that spark of happiness to flare to life. Sebastian nuzzled his hair affectionately, responding to his mate's happiness.

"My Ciel."

A quiet purr that sent shivers of pleasure down Ciel's spine. He did not bother to hide it.

"Yes."

* * *

Lizzie blinked against the brightness of the early morning sun, resenting the light. It should have been storming, dark and dreary and heavy. Like her heart.

She rubbed her eyes as she followed Finny to the carriage the servants had prepared. It was too early for this. And too bright. Even the horses were yawning. But at least, she thought irritably, they had slept last night. It must be nice to be an animal with no cares but when their next meal would come. She gripped Finny's hand as he helped her up into the carriage, grateful for the support. She really was exhausted, drained both physically and emotionally from tossing and turning, worrying and crying all night. And rising at the crack of dawn for a long carriage ride did not help in the slightest.

Lizzie settled with a sigh into the seat as the door was shut quietly behind her. The sounds of Finny, who'd been elected to drive her home, climbing into the driver's seat and addressing the horses filtered down to her, but she barely noticed. She twisted her scarf in her hands, watching through the window as they pulled away from the manor. Mey-Rin and Bard stood at the front door watching them depart with anxiety written clear in their expressions. The dark circles under all three servants' eyes told Lizzie they probably had slept no more than had she.

None of their anxiety was eased by the fact that no one had seen or heard anything from Ciel since he'd sent them away last night. It was the first thing Lizzie had asked and she wasn't very surprised by the answer she received. When she'd left her room that morning to follow Mey-Rin downstairs, she'd paused outside the door to her cousin's room, not quite knowing what she intended to do. Part of her wanted to simply burst in and demand an explanation. But she couldn't do that, and not just because she was raised to respect others' privacy. She could admit inside her own head that she was afraid. She was afraid of what was going on because something felt very wrong and suddenly she had no idea what she was even doing here, in this place which had always had such a dark aura and which kept its secrets tightly locked away behind closed doors. She knew this better than most and had thought, when she'd dared to think on it at all, that perhaps she was simply being a foolish girl who felt slighted because her fiance wasn't as romantic as she'd like. Ciel couldn't help being the way he was and she still loved him even if he had changed.

But standing, staring at the physical proof of her foolish imaginings, she'd wondered for the first time what was so terrible that everyone had to keep her in the dark. She knew there was something the servants weren't telling her. She didn't push them because she knew it was not their place to spill their master's secrets and it would be cruel to put them in such a position. But the hurt which had been simmering for years was coming to a boil.

No sound had come to her from behind that closed door. Not that she had any clue what she was listening for. Not that she was certain any sound would even carry through such thick wood. But still she listened hard and hated the silence. It had taken her several minutes to gather the courage to raise her hand to knock. But when she did, three firm raps that could not be mistaken, no response came. With a burst of frustration, Lizzie gripped the door handle and forcefully turned. No give. It was locked. As it always was. She turned then, almost running for the stairs, determined not to cry. Again.

Now she sat, staring blankly through the carriage window as Ciel's servants disappeared from sight and the sunlight on the pristine snow stung her eyes. She drew the drapes. Her head throbbed with pain. And even she wasn't sure if her eyes were watering from the bright light or if she had found yet more reserves of tears.

Lizzie never knew how long they'd been driving before the attack came. Despite her discomforts, her exhaustion won out. She slipped into a welcome doze, settled as comfortably as possible in the seat. At least Ciel was particular about the comfort of his carriages. But the floor was bruising against her shoulder when the carriage jolted suddenly to a stop, throwing her from her seat.

Lizzie cried out in pain and surprise as she landed hard on the floor. But it couldn't drown out the blood curdling shriek of the horses. Lizzie froze, eyes wide. What had happened? Was Finny all right?

She forced herself to move, climbing to her knees and reaching hesitantly to draw aside the curtain. Her fingers only just brushed the edge of the light fabric when the door was yanked open with such force that the entire carriage rocked and Lizzie pitched forward with another surprised cry. She tried to catch herself but someone was reaching for her, gripping her outstretched arm with painful force, dragging her out into the cold light. The hands handled her as though she weighed nothing at all and Lizzie felt her heartbeat double with sudden terror.

She blinked against the sun, trying to see who had hold of her, where Finny had gone, what had happened to the horses. She scrambled to find her feet as the hands pulled her free of the carriage, stumbling against a slender figure who immediately pushed her off with a sound of disgust. Lizzie fell to her knees in the snow, gasping with pain and shaking her hair from her face, desperate to see.

"Honestly, I swear humans are becoming more pathetic with every passing century. Stop crying, girl. At least your death will be quick."

The voice, obviously feminine, made Lizzie flinch. It should have been a sweet voice, high and girlish and pleasant to the ears. But the tone was so poisonous that Lizzie felt her blood run cold.

Finally blinking her vision clear, Lizzie lifted her eyes to match a face to the voice. And thought that perhaps she would have been better off keeping her eyes on the ground. The woman who held her was beautiful, with delicate features and translucent skin. But no human had fangs, deadly sharp and glinting in the light.

The woman's appearance belied her strength. A tall, willowy frame with delicate bones. But her tiny hands were bruising Lizzie's arm to the bone. She would have made the perfect porcelain doll. Save the fangs. And the eyes. Now that Lizzie was looking closely, those eyes, acid green with slit pupils and an unnatural glow, somehow unsettled her the most.

"What are you?" Her voice came out in a breathy whisper that she wasn't certain the woman would even hear. But she did.

"Ah, how rude. Do humans not teach their children manners in this century?"

Lizzie shook her head, confused and afraid and dazed. "I don't . . . I don't understand. What do you want from me? What did you do to Finnian?"

The woman shot a disgusted glance over her shoulder, then flicked a strand of short, blonde hair off her face. "Do you mean the driver? He was quite easy to take out. Humans are so oblivious to their surroundings; it's really quite sad. But don't worry, my dear little thing. I hit him hard enough that his death would have been swift."

Lizzie's stomach flipped and bile rose at the back of her throat. Death! She had killed him? And she spoke with such callous indifference, face completely devoid of anything resembling remorse. This creature . . . what was this creature?

A thought flitted through Lizzie's mind, sending shivers of horror down her spine. Ciel kept secrets from her, hid behind locked doors and vague words. And just maybe, he was not shutting her out from spite but in an effort to protect her from things she never wanted to know. If so, it was too late for that now.

Lizzie flinched back as the woman suddenly leaned closer, nostrils flaring. "You smell like his little brat of a pet." A pause. She leaned even closer, breathing deeply, and Lizzie forced herself to stay very still. She wanted very much to push this thing off of her. But if the grip cutting off the circulation in her arm was any indication, her efforts would be laughable. "You are of his blood. Family? Is that the word this language uses?" A sly smile curled the corners of her mouth and Lizzie bit her lip against a scream. "You might be useful after all. Perhaps I will allow you to live a while longer."

"I would rather die," Lizzie said as firmly as she could. She trembled under that pitiless gaze but she forced all her courage into strengthening her voice. "I don't know what you think I could do but if you are trying to hurt Ciel, I would rather die than help you."

A laugh, high and mocking and chilling. "You think you have a choice? No matter. If I find you have lost your usefulness, you'll get your wish."

Before Lizzie could respond to this, slender arms had caught her by the waist and thrown her unceremoniously over a bare shoulder. She gasped as the breath was forced from her lungs and let out a breathless groan as her gorge rose again. Wind whipped passed her ears and she struggled to make sense of the world spinning around her head as the woman ran, carrying her burden as though Lizzie weighed no more than the rag doll she felt like.

Lizzie tried to open her eyes, tried to see where they were going, and immediately regretted it. Her eyes blurred with tears from the stinging wind. But the indistinct flash of scenery passing at an unimaginable speed sent her mind reeling and she coughed violently as her stomach rebelled.

She barely heard the woman's disgusted exclamation over the ringing in her ears. And then they were in the air-- how she knew this, Lizzie couldn't have said-- and the crash of shattering glass cut through the clear morning air.

The woman finally landed gracefully on her feet inside a room, dark but for the sunlight streaming through the broken window. And though Lizzie's head was still spinning, her lungs still struggling to expand, she knew where they were.

A deep growl of savage fury mingled with a cry of anger and alarm. And she'd know Ciel's voice anywhere.


	10. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my favorite chapter. And my friend who's betaing for me agreed. so there.  
> and yeah, this au has some rather interesting views on demons.

Icy wind whistled through the shattered window, sending violent shivers through Ciel, even beneath the blanket. But he barely felt it.

Sebastian was all but lying on top of him, holding him so tightly Ciel could feel his ribs creak. The sound escaping the demon's throat was as far from human as could be, the sound of a wild beast, feral and savage. Directed only at the figure now standing in the middle of Ciel's bedroom, smiling cheerfully at them, for all the world as though she were answering an invitation to tea. Ciel recognized her because Sebastian knew her and he felt like growling himself.

The woman, ironically slender and sickeningly pretty, stood tall, unaffected by the cold despite being clothed in only an indecently short wrap tied about her waist as a skirt. Somewhere in the back of Ciel's mind, he felt the reflexive shock at such brazen nudity, but it was faint. The morals and hang-ups of humans held no weight here. No, what caught Ciel's attention was the body slung carelessly over the woman's shoulder. He didn't have to see her face to know the girl he'd grown up with.

"Lizzie!"

Sebastian's eyes, glowing scarlet and wild with rage, flickered to Ciel's face for a second before following his line of sight. The demon hissed. A spike of irritation rose at the added complication, but the girl was of his mate's blood and he was not without respect for her. Ciel's fingers dug into Sebastian's arm as he stared in horror at his cousin in the grasp of the demoness, who watched them with a mocking sneer. Sebastian snarled at her again and she laughed. Laughed! A high, grating sound that made Ciel cringe and Sebastian bare his fangs.

The gun was in Ciel's hand before he registered that he'd moved. Even with Sebastian sharing his bed, he never went to sleep without the loaded weapon in easy reach. Years of unexpected attacks and kidnappings had trained him to wake with the revolver in hand and cocked. The action was automatic, his aim steady as he trained the weapon on the intruder. He knew it would do no good. How many times had he seen Sebastian take a bullet to the chest only to find his feet again a second later, only to return the missile to its owner? But it was all he had.

Another of those shrill laughs stabbed into his head and suddenly he was looking, not into the inhuman eyes of the creature, but into Lizzie's terrified face. Ciel's finger froze on the trigger. Sebastian stiffened against him, meeting Lizzie's eyes with a gaze which must have been just as unsettling as the eyes of the creature holding her captive. Sebastian's hands tightened painfully around Ciel. If Ciel had been breathing, he would have found it impossible.

"What's wrong, child?" The voice was a sweet soprano, distorted and twisted by poison and madness. Ciel couldn't suppress a shudder. Sebastian growled. "You want to shoot me? Go ahead. The bullet might still have enough power to reach me at such close range."

Lizzie's eyes were impossibly wide and Ciel's hand shook. The face before him blurred, those green eyes taking on a different shade. He wanted to do it, wanted to hurt this creature in any way he could. Even if it was only a brief sting. Sebastian's rage curled around his mind, tinting everything red. And as his demon pulled him impossibly tighter into his chest, agony flared through them both. Ciel, who would have gladly given up his very soul for revenge on those who'd robbed him of his family and childhood, now found himself face to face with yet another enemy who would tear away every tiny shred of peace he'd found. His finger tightened.

"Ciel?"

One word, barely a whisper. One terrified, pleading, bewildered word. And everything rushed back into focus. Ciel met Lizzie's eyes again, and this time he saw her. Sebastian keened softly in his ear as an image rose, of Lizzie, bloody and lifeless, betrayal written on her face. And what would that accomplish?

Ciel's fingers ached as he forced himself to release the weapon. He barely heard it clatter to the floor. Sebastian's claws dug into his skin and he wanted to hide against his demon. But that bitch laughed again and this time Ciel snarled along with Sebastian.

"I knew it! I knew you were weak! But you're only human." She spat the word as though it left a bitter taste on her tongue. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to get attached to your food, Sebastian? What a ridiculous name to settle on."

"And yours is not? Sachi is far too sweet for a useless savage," Sebastian shot back, the words made nearly unintelligible by a growl.

The woman, Sachi, snarled in fury and took a step closer to the bed. Ciel felt the body against his trembling with the force of their combined emotions. Sebastian wanted nothing more than to seize the woman and tear her limb from limb with his bare hands. To repay her for the pain she'd inflicted with that damned knife. To defend and avenge the pain she'd caused his mate. But his side throbbed and every move was an effort of will. He needed more rest; his stores of energy were nowhere near what they should be. And she still had the knife, tucked into the waist of her wrap. And now there was the girl to protect as well as his Ciel. But she . . . she was sweet, so sweet and he was desperate.

"No." Ciel's hand closed around his wrist, nails digging into his flesh. "Sebastian, don't. There has to be another way."

His mate would never forgive him if he swallowed the soul of the last person he truly counted as family. They both looked over to see Lizzie's face twisted in pain as Sachi's fingers bit into her upper arms. There would be bruises beneath her long sleeves. She was still held in place like a shield, though they had no other weapons. She stared into Ciel's eyes, unable to speak but begging all the same. Ciel let out a tiny, hopeless sound and Sebastian trembled again.

Then he was moving, pushing Ciel down to the bed as he pushed himself up. Ciel tried to cling to him, tried to protest, but, even weakened, Sebastian was stronger, and he found himself suddenly much colder. Sebastian rose from the bed to stand between his mate and the demoness. His teeth were bared, face twisted in pain, but he remained steady on his feet. Ciel watched Lizzie's shocked eyes flick over his demon's nude form and had to suppress a stab of completely irrational jealousy. He choked back a hysterical laugh at his own idiocy and scrambled to his feet to stand beside Sebastian. And if his cousin's eyes immediately picked out each of his still visible scars, then at least she was alive to see them.

Sebastian growled softly and stepped forward, pushing Ciel behind himself. The message was clear, but Ciel refused to hide. He would do what he could, even if he wasn't certain just now what that was. Another low growl and Sebastian's hand closed over Ciel's shoulder. Ciel did not protest; it was to anchor Sebastian as much as himself.

Sachi laughed, shrill and mocking. "How sweet. Barely able to stand on your own and you still try to protect your little pet."

Both Ciel and Sebastian snarled at the words. But Lizzie had caught sight of the open wound on Sebastian's side and stared in horror. Ciel shook his head slightly at her when she glanced his way; she bit her lip uncertainly. It didn't look nearly as bad as it had before Ciel cleaned away the blood, but it was open, revealing raw flesh and a hint of bone. On second thought, it was quite a sickening sight, especially coupled with the obvious agony etched into Sebastian's expression. If Ciel couldn't sense Sebastian's own concerns, he would have been worried that there was still no blood.

Sebastian paid Lizzie's attention no mind, hateful eyes still fixed on the demoness behind her. Not acknowledging the girl's presence was perhaps the only way to resist the call of his hunger. And he had to think, had to find a way to get that blade away from her. Without it, the demoness would never have stood a chance against him, being both weaker and younger. Of course, she'd known as much.

Sebastian took a small step forward, silently pleading with Ciel to stay where he was. Maybe he could catch her off guard; perhaps he could rely on her arrogance, her madness. But just as Sebastian opened his mouth to distract Sachi with words, something slammed into the door, the force enough to break the lock and knock the door into the opposite wall. Three new, but very familiar, scents assaulted him.

Lizzie cried out in alarm and Ciel jumped. Sebastian didn't take his eyes off his attacker. But Sachi's head whipped around, her fingers tightening reflexively around Lizzie's arms before she registered the new arrivals. Lizzie whimpered in pain, the small sound overridden by a dismissive laugh from Sachi.

"Oh, this is just adorable. More little pets of yours? So kind of you to provide such a feast."

But as her eyes flicked back to Sebastian, gloating, a single shot rang out. Lizzie screamed again, trying to raise her hands to cover her ears. Neither Ciel nor Sebastian reacted; both had seen the maid, guns in hand. They only smiled as, a split second later, the bullet struck its mark. Sachi's eyes widened in shock, her hands releasing their vise grip and going to her head as she stumbled. It was trivial really, an injury Ciel had seen Sebastian shake off like an annoying fly more than a few times. But the surprise offered the second's advantage they needed. And the woman's expression as the three human servants she'd dismissed as 'adorable' wasted no time rushing her, weapons in hand was quite satisfying. Sachi had barely recovered from the shot, when she was assaulted by the full strength of the servants Sebastian had hand-picked for such a job as this.

Sebastian took a second to turn his eyes on his mate but Ciel was anxiously watching his cousin. Swaying on her feet, Lizzie looked as though she might faint at any moment. Only a foot or so behind her, Bard swore as sharp claws laid his arm open to the bone. Lizzie made a choked sound in her throat and stumbled forward, towards her cousin and the butler she thought she'd known. She stared at them with wide eyes, unseeing and shocked, and her foot caught on the edge of the rug. Ciel gasped, reached out to try to catch her, but Sebastian was faster. The girl all but fell into the demon's arms and a shudder of agonizing hunger shook his frame.

"Se-Sebastian, tha-thank you. I don't . . . know what . . ."

"No!"

Ciel's hands shot out and Sebastian met his mate's gaze with eyes so full of desperation and pain they were black. Ciel's breath caught in his chest and he suddenly understood, that with all the secondhand pain he was having to fight through, Sebastian was holding back so much more. And who was he to deny his demon the one thing he needed? But he couldn't . . . simply couldn't allow that . . . and Sebastian pushed the girl roughly into Ciel's arms, almost throwing her away from himself. Ciel steadied her as Sebastian's claws caught and tore her sleeves but his eyes were still on the demon. Certain Lizzie could stand on her own, Ciel released her and reached for Sebastian. He made no protest when Sebastian latched onto him, claws anchoring themselves deep in his flesh.

"Sebastian. I'm sorry." The soft words were almost lost under the snarls and cries and grunts of the fighting just feet away, but Sebastian heard.

"Hush, my soul. You can apologize if we survive this."

And the uncertainty broke Ciel's heart. He gritted his teeth and fixed Sebastian with a glare, determined as always. He would not allow either of them to give up now; there had to be a way. He had not endured his own personal hell and years of pain only to let this bitch take the only thing he had left to fight for.

Sebastian never answered that thought, his eyes flicking to the left in sudden panic. And Ciel felt his blood freeze. He looked up just in time to see Finny, the last of his standing servants, collapse, bleeding from a gash across his temple. And Sachi, dagger in hand, lunging for Sebastian's throat.

Ciel didn't hear the cry that escaped his throat as he shoved against Sebastian's chest. Sebastian hissed and flinched back, recoiling, throwing himself to the side a split second before the blade sank home. Sachi growled in fury, a sound made even more terrifying by the sight of those angelic features twisted with murderous intent. Ciel's hands flew to his demon, trying thoughtlessly to put himself between Sebastian and the knife, even as Sebastian twisted to the side, moving Ciel out of harm's way. But as Sachi's arm came down again, it was Lizzie's hand which shot out to catch the demoness' wrist in a surprisingly strong grip.

Sachi blinked and stumbled again as Lizzie yanked hard on her arm, intent on at least throwing off her aim. Sachi snarled and twisted her thin wrist in the girl's hold, but Lizzie tightened her fingers until her knuckles went white, refusing to let go. Her face was set, confused and hurt but determined, knowing who her enemy was all the same. Sachi growled, the vicious sound of a cornered dog, as her fingers twitched and she lost her grip on her blade.

Even through the haze of his hunger and pain, Sebastian found himself able to be thankful that Ciel had kept him from attacking the girl. He had never expected that she had so much nerve, but he should have known. She was, after all, of Phantomhive blood. Fighting to stay upright, Sebastian reached out, catching the knife as it fell from Sachi's hand and smirking in triumph as the demoness' eyes went wide with realization. Quite suddenly, thanks to the very humans she'd mocked, she found herself weaponless and in serious danger of losing this fight. Whoever held that blade held the power to kill either of the two inhuman creatures, and Sachi snarled in rage as Ciel took the knife from his mate with a steady hand.

She wrenched her wrist free of the human girl's grip, her strength, fueled by her fury, no match for her. She could still win this. The humans might have a few skills but they were still laughably weak. And that damned traitor was too injured to match her now. He had handed the blade off to his little human pet because he was too busy trying to keep his hunger in check to do anything useful. Pathetic. On the edge of breaking and he still refused to take the food readily available in this very room. She was faster; she could get the knife away from the boy and . . . and hands much stronger than the girl's seized her wrists and wrenched her arms up behind her back.

Ciel gripped the hilt of the dagger with fingers that felt like they were attached to someone else's hand. Not that he was unaccustomed to holding a blade, not that this one felt less than perfect in his grasp. But everything was closing in on him, the world spinning far too fast. He had no time to think about it, no time to consider or second guess. He knew that if he hesitated even half a second, she could overpower him. So when he looked up to see Finny incredibly back on his feet and forcing Sachi's arms behind her back, he took the gift. And as Ciel thrust the blade towards the demoness, Sebastian's hand landed on his back and a gentle mental nudge guided his strike. The dagger plunged into Sachi's chest, past her ribs to find its home in her heart with surprising ease, and Ciel almost fell forward with the force of his momentum. The shriek of agony and rage that rang in his ears was worth the pain of his lacerated wrist when she finally managed to throw Finny off and dig her claws into Ciel's skin. He released the blade. But the fatal damage was done and she knew it.

Ciel could feel his mind shutting down, knew he was going into shock. The thrill--and he could not deny that it was a thrill--of killing the creature who had injured his mate and threatened his family was strong. But it had all happened so fast. And Lizzie was curled up on the edge of the bed crying and shaking. And his servants were climbing painfully to their feet, staring, weapons still in hand. But it was over. And Ciel felt somehow empty as he watched the demoness collapse at his feet, choking on her own blood. He watched with blank eyes as she ripped the dagger from her own chest and reached for his ankle. Sebastian yanked him backward.

"Ciel. Move."

The deep growl snapped Ciel back to life and he shrank back further against Sebastian's chest, kicking away the reaching hand. Finally tearing his gaze from the dying creature, he glanced over his shoulder to see his mate's face twisted into a truly frightening expression. Eyes narrowed and burning like witch flames, lips curled in a vicious snarl, baring deadly fangs. Ciel couldn't tell if the dominant emotion was rage or hunger; they were both strong enough to overwhelm him. Sebastian was trembling, the feral sound rumbling in his chest raising gooseflesh on even Ciel's skin. His glare was fixed over Ciel's shoulder on Sachi but his arm was wound tightly around Ciel's waist, holding him close.

"Sebastian," Ciel whispered, a spike of fear turning his blood to ice. At this moment, he could not see his demon behind those glowing eyes, could not find his way through the storm of that mind to the rational core. "Sebastian, she's dead." He glanced back down to the woman with the gaping wound in her chest. She twisted her head and spat a mouthful of blood onto the fine carpet. "She cannot survive this."

Sebastian didn't respond with words, but he bent his head and pressed his lips to the top of his mate's head. He took a deep breath of Ciel's scent, the only thing which could call him back from the edge. Ciel relaxed minutely and pressed back into Sebastian's embrace. But a second later, the demon lifted his head and, keeping his arm around Ciel's waist, shifted him to the side.

And then, to Ciel's shock, Sebastian leaned down and plunged his free hand into Sachi's chest. A high, inhuman shriek split the air, making all the humans cringe and cover their ears. The demoness thrashed, trying to throw Sebastian off, but he held on for a moment longer, seeming to grip something inside her chest that only he could see. But when he withdrew his hand, Ciel blinked as something faint, something dark and somewhat viscous, curled from the wound into his demon's hand. She screamed again, struggling to catch hold of Sebastian's wrist and stop him. But she was clearly weakening with every strand of that strange substance that left her, and her hands fell uselessly to the floor, fingers twitching. Her face twisted into a snarl of helpless rage and defeat. Sebastian just smiled, the sight somehow charming as ever even under the circumstances. And as he straightened and the last thread of that strange mist left the woman's body, she abruptly went still.

Ciel stared. He had an idea what Sebastian had just done but wasn't certain he could possibly be right. That wasn't the way it worked. But Sebastian lifted his hand to his mouth and swallowed the swirling essence as though it were some vile medicine. Ciel caught his breath and flinched as a small hint of what Sebastian was feeling sliced into him, making him feel as though some strong drug had been forcibly injected into his veins.

He sagged against Sebastian and Sebastian wrapped both arms tightly around him, dropping his head down to rest on Ciel's shoulder as he panted. Ciel gripped his forearms, one across his waist and the other over his chest, and dug his fingers in as though if he let go Sebastian would vanish. Sebastian whined very softly in his ear, and tightened his arms even further. He was still trembling and Ciel didn't care that his ribs were aching. He turned his face into the side of his demon's neck and let out a shaky sigh. He blinked furiously; his eyes stung.

"What did you just do?" he whispered. "I didn't think you could . . ."

"We don't," Sebastian replied roughly. "Doesn't mean we can't. But it is . . . that has to be the most disgusting thing I have willingly put in my mouth in my entire existence." He gagged slightly and swallowed hard. "And to feed on a being of equal strength as yourself is much more difficult. So why would we choose to fight for something so unappealing? But . . ."

"But?" Ciel asked. He had completely forgotten that they had company. Right now, all that mattered was his mate was alive and . . . healing.

"I don't think many know what it truly is to swallow the essence of one of our own. Power and centuries and twisted memories far exceeding any human. Ciel . . . this energy . . . I could swallow ten of the strongest human souls and it would still not equal this amount of energy. I can't . . ."

He trailed off, jaw clenched, and Ciel understood because he could feel it. It was like a storm raging in his blood, feeling as though his veins could burst at any moment. The power swirling through Sebastian's being was so strong that it could overcome his own if he let it. The soul he'd just swallowed was one with the strength of an immortal and it was fighting with all it had to survive, to overwhelm and consume its consumer. Ciel tightened his grip until it physically hurt them both, digging his nails into Sebastian's arms and growling softly. "You can. We did not go through all of this just for you to give up because you couldn't handle a simple meal. You will not leave me."

"Yes, my little soul," Sebastian breathed. "I will never leave you."

And he sank his teeth into Ciel's shoulder, clinging and tasting and grounding himself because his mate was his only reason for living. Ciel clung to his demon in turn, not minding the sudden sting of the bite in the slightest. His eyes slid closed as Sebastian withdrew his fangs and gently licked away a few drops of blood. He swallowed, slowly this time, and sighed deeply with relief before collapsing onto the bed behind him, taking Ciel with him. And finally, finally, his trembling stilled. His mind calmed, his body relaxed, and Ciel didn't even try to stop the tears that filled his eyes as he felt, both through Sebastian's senses and his own, the wounds finally closing. The amount of energy he had taken and assimilated with his mate as a lifeline, was enough to allow his physical body to heal, though the energy depleted incredibly in doing so. But the hunger had finally abated and Ciel choked on a sob as he remembered Sebastian's offhanded comment of only days ago: "That is not even close to starving." He would kill anyone if it meant that he and his mate would never have to feel that all consuming pain again.

Sebastian buried his face in Ciel's hair, his ragged breathing slowly evening out. "Ah, my little mate," he sighed. "I think we still have a bit of a problem on our hands. I do not think our company will leave without explanations."

Ciel looked up and met four, very wide, sets of eyes staring at him and Sebastian. And immediately turned to hide his face against Sebastian's shoulder. He was too damn tired for this.


	11. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize, this is later than I'd like to have posted. but this is actually the longest chapter and life happens, so I just now got finished editing.

Sebastian let his mate hide against him for a moment, taking the time to relish the absence of pain and the sheer relief that his Ciel was unharmed and still with him. He had half expected, even after all he knew of Ciel, that the human would recoil from him after watching him actually consume the essence of another. He feared that Ciel would find some strange sense of conscience after killing the demoness so easily. But Ciel's conscience was clear; his only concern now was his unwillingness to face the aftermath. Sebastian couldn't blame him. He was certainly not looking forward to cleaning up this mess. But he could be strong for his mate. He was tired, yes, but his physical body was fully restored with enough energy left to satisfy his hunger. Ciel nuzzled deeper into his embrace and Sebastian gently stroked his back. They'd delayed long enough.

"Kitten," he murmured, gently coaxing Ciel's mind from its exhausted haze.

Ciel let out the tiniest of protesting whines, soft enough that only Sebastian's ears could catch the sound. He tried to respond to his demon's mental prodding but it just didn't seem that important. He had what he wanted: Sebastian, alive, healed, wrapped protectively around him, blanketing him in comforting warmth. He tugged back, urging Sebastian's mind to twine with his and rest. Really, at a time like this, it was what they needed, to simply rest in the comfort of the other. But a soft, tear-choked voice shattered Ciel's brief moment of peace.

"Ciel, what is going on? I don't understand."

Ciel and Sebastian both turned towards the voice, sharing an internal sigh of resignation. Lizzie stood beside the bed only a few feet away from where they sat. She'd managed to get to her feet, but her face was still streaked with tears, her eyes welling up anew as she met their gazes. She looked lost, horrified and shattered. Guilt pricked Ciel's conscience; he'd never wanted this for his innocent and kindhearted cousin. Sebastian purred softly in his ear, stroked his ribs in an effort to ease him. Personally, the demon wasn't interested in what the girl felt about the situation; her thoughts were immaterial. Ciel was his mate, and while he did appreciate her assistance in the fight, her very presence annoyed him. She didn't know that she had no claim on Ciel but that didn't stop him from wanting to tear her apart every time she so much as smiled at his mate. But Ciel cared and Sebastian would do anything to keep his mate happy. Not least because, if Ciel was unhappy, he would most certainly take it out on Sebastian.

A flurry of thoughts flitted between the two intertwined minds:

_You're such an easy target._

_You are an insufferable little imp._

_You have only yourself to blame._

_I am regretting every one of my life choices._

A derisive snort, then:

_What do I tell her?_

_The truth, my little lord._

Ciel shook his head and Sebastian made a chiding sound in the back of his throat.

_Get this over with, kitten. So we can rest._

Ciel took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His eyes flicked to each one of the servants before returning to settle on his cousin, the last family member he had left for whom he felt any sort of attachment. And what he had to tell her would very probably turn her love for him to hatred or disgust. He'd known though, from the beginning, that he would hurt her and that had never stopped him. He was selfish to the core. He elbowed Sebastian when he laughingly agreed.

"Ciel?" Lizzie whispered again, hands clasped at her breast, eyes wide and pleading.

The servants had lowered their weapons, though they all remained tense. They looked between Ciel and Lizzie as though not sure who they should support. Sebastian lifted his face from Ciel's hair to meet their eyes.

"Thank you, all of you, for your assistance. You deserve an explanation and we will give it to you, but not here. Please, would all of you give us a few moments." He glanced down at himself and Ciel in their obvious state of undress. "We will join you downstairs once we have cleaned up." And then catching sight of the servants' battered state, he added, "And perhaps you should take that time to clean yourselves up as well."

The servants shared a look, then nodded in agreement. They moved as one for the door, but Lizzie remained where she stood, still staring at Ciel as though unable to tear her gaze away. Ciel sighed softly and held up a hand to her.

"Lizzie, I promise we will explain downstairs. Please, just give us a moment. It will be easier for all of us, I think, to be out of this room."

She said nothing, her expression blank, almost cold. But she nodded and followed the others from the room. The stiff set of her shoulders and the distant look in her eyes did not suit her at all. It stirred Ciel's guilt again. Sebastian silently kissed his forehead in sympathy and Ciel accepted the comfort with a tired sigh.

But they couldn't stay here.

Gently, Sebastian urged Ciel to his feet. Ciel swayed slightly, the shock of the past hour catching up with him. Sebastian steadied him, leaning down to nuzzle the side of his neck comfortingly. His strongest instinct was to take care of his mate and to hell with the rest of it. But neither of them had ever been ones to avoid their problems. So he guided Ciel into the bathroom and began the attempt to make them both presentable.

"Where the hell are all of the clean cloths?" Sebastian muttered irritably, staring into an empty cabinet.

Ciel snorted wearily. "I used them all."

Sebastian glanced over. "All of them?"

Ciel lowered his eyes. "There was . . . a lot of blood," he whispered, voice rough with pent-up emotion.

Sebastian had no response to that. He sighed and located a clean bath sponge instead. Really, the main concern was the blood drying on Ciel's hand which had wielded the knife, and streaked all the way up his arm past the elbow. Sebastian glanced down at his own hands and grimaced. On second thought, his claws were filthy.

Working quickly, Sebastian scrubbed the worst of the mess from Ciel's arms before tending to his own hands. Then, locating some simple clothes, he gently guided Ciel's limbs into the light material. Ciel submitted to his demon's coaxing, letting Sebastian move him as needed. He felt as though he'd not slept for days. It was easier to let Sebastian care for him. As he always did.

"What will you wear?" Ciel asked, glancing to the ruined clothing still scattered over the floor.

Sebastian sighed. "I suppose I will have to retrieve fresh clothes from my quarters. I doubt this conversation would be made any easier by my nudity."

Ciel glanced up sharply. "I'm going with you."

"Of course, little soul," Sebastian soothed. He buttoned the last button on Ciel's shirt and gathered his mate into his arms. "I am not letting you out of my sight any time in the near, or distant, future."

Ciel relaxed and pressed his face against the side of Sebastian's neck. He knew from experience that trying to keep his eyes open while Sebastian ran was a very bad idea. Sebastian chuckled at the memory which rose to the forefront of Ciel's mind: of the first time Sebastian had carried his little human while moving at inhuman speeds. Ciel had continued to insist he was perfectly fine, watching the dizzying blur of passing scenery, right up to the point when he retched and vomited all over Sebastian's shirt.

"Shut up," Ciel grumbled. "It is not funny."

"Oh, kitten. I find it quite amusing." Sebastian entered his own room in the servants' quarters, having dashed down the back stairs faster than human eyes could follow.

"You were not amused at the time," Ciel reminded him.

"No," Sebastian admitted. He set Ciel on the unused bed and began pulling on whatever clothing came to hand. "I was rather disgusted and angry with you at the time. But, to be fair, if you had only admitted that you were feeling ill, we could have avoided it altogether."

Ciel scoffed and changed the subject. "I don't think I've ever seen you so badly dressed."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. He was not badly dressed-- he had simply not taken the time to polish his appearance to perfection. He wore only a shirt and trousers, and frankly, was in no mood to put on anything else. This was about dropping all pretenses after all. He'd dressed Ciel similarly, and the little brat had made no comment about that. He frowned as he caught a glimpse of his reflection. Well, his hair was a complete mess. Slipping the last button through its hole, Sebastian stepped over to where Ciel sat.

"Come, kitten. Let us see what kind of trouble we've created for ourselves."

Ciel's shoulders slumped. "Would it help if I simply blamed it all on you and pleaded ignorance?" Sebastian fixed him with a reproachful stare. "Fine," Ciel grumbled. "Just wipe that patronizing look off your face."

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

Ciel pointedly ignored that. With a sigh bordering on the melodramatic, Ciel rose and stepped passed his demon towards the door. Sebastian followed silently, falling into step with his mate as they exited the narrow corridor leading to the servants' quarters. Without looking over, Ciel almost shyly slipped his small hand into Sebastian's. Strong, slender fingers laced with his and a thumb stroked in soothing circles over the back of the smaller hand.

They entered the main parlor like this: hand in hand, side by side. All eyes immediately turned to the door at the sound of their footsteps and the picture presented was not lost on any. The two displayed an undeniably united front, both standing rigidly straight, heads high, proud and unrepentant. And despite the difference in appearance, their faces were unsettlingly identical. Both wore a carefully shuttered expression, enigmatic and unapproachable. Both cold and distant, betraying not an ounce of emotion. They moved as though of one mind and every observer shivered with a vague sense of guilt for daring to intrude on such a private connection.

The human servants had always known there was something that none of them could understand between their master and their superior and all of them had simply accepted this fact long ago. To them, this was only confirmation. Lizzie finally felt something click into place in her head, understanding for the first time why she had always felt strangely left out. She had been.

The servants sat shoulder to shoulder on the couch along one side of a long coffee table. Lizzie sat in one of the two armchairs arranged at right angles to the couch, legs tucked beneath her in a most unlady-like posture. She huddled into her torn winter cloak as though the heat from the fire which had been lit in the nearby fireplace could not reach her. Under normal circumstances, Ciel would have taken the remaining chair and left Sebastian to stand at his shoulder, a silent spectator. But after the past several hours, none of them were particularly surprised when, instead, Sebastian settled himself into the empty seat and pulled Ciel down into his lap. Ciel went easily, clearly much more accustomed to this position than any of them might have thought, resting his back comfortably against Sebastian's chest and lightly gripping the arms which curled possessively around his waist. When the two identical but mismatched gazes turned to regard the others, none could meet their eyes directly.

The silence stretched out, the tension in the room almost a physical force. The quiet was finally broken by Ciel's resigned sigh. "Where shall I start?" he asked softly, gaze passing from one person to the next, settling on none for long.

Sebastian tightened his arms around Ciel and rested his chin on his shoulder. He watched the humans silently, wearing his customary expression of polite boredom. But mentally he curled around his mate, twining their thoughts, offering quiet support. Despite his irritation with the whole business. Ciel ran a hand down Sebastian's arm, absently playing with his fingers, running his thumb along the edges of his claws.

Lizzie stared down at her hands, chewing her bottom lip. Her hair fell forward, hiding her eyes, but she seemed lost for words. Finny and Mey-Rin shifted uncomfortably in their seats, exchanging an uncertain look. Bard's eyes flicked down to the black claws which Ciel was so casually toying with, and he frowned.

"Well." He sat forward, locking his gaze, not with Ciel's, but Sebastian's, challenging. "You could start with telling us what you are. We all know you're not human. We always kinda knew, but it wasn't really important. But I think I'd like a direct answer now."

Sebastian tensed, a small, annoyed growl tickling Ciel's ear. Ciel slid his fingers down his demon's to trace light fingertips over the lines of their sigil. A soft breath, and some of the tension left the demon's shoulders.

_You did say I should tell them the truth._

_Humans are such annoying little things. Far too much curiosity for their own good._

_Have you forgotten who you are talking to?_

_Well, it still applies to you. Even if you are my annoying human._

Ciel felt the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and bit his inner cheek to suppress it. This was not the best time to appear amused. Sebastian gave an exasperated sigh and turned his attention to the chef.

"You want an answer? Fine, I will tell you. The monicker your culture has elected to saddle us with is 'demon'. And as I'm sure you can guess, our attacker was one of my associates. She, however, was disgracefully unstable."

The silence was palpable. All three servants stared, wide-eyed and motionless. Though none seemed particularly frightened or horrified, only surprised. It was Lizzie who had gone deathly pale. One hand lifted to cover her mouth, her eyes fixed on Ciel with something akin to betrayal. But he would deal with her questions separately. That conversation would be much more difficult. Sebastian sighed in resigned agreement.

"Well?" Ciel broke the tense silence with slight impatience. He very much wanted to get this over with. "Next question?"

The servants exchanged another look before Bard spoke up again, his voice admirably steady. "So then, what was her problem? What did you do to get her knickers in a twist?"

The other two went slightly red, but waited without comment. They were apparently satisfied with leaving Bard to speak for them. Lizzie looked as though she'd not recovered from the first revelation, huddling deeper into her cloak as though trying to hide.

Ciel turned his head to fix Sebastian with a stern expression. "Yes, I've been meaning to ask you that as well. You obviously knew each other."

Sebastian closed his eyes with a sigh. "Well, it is quite simple actually. She is young, no more than four centuries I believe. I'm surprised she survived her youth to be honest. Though, perhaps she was just mad enough to scare everyone away. In any case, our paths crossed several decades ago somewhere in central Asia. And she was immediately obsessed with me. I rejected her advances. But my disinterest didn't stop her from insisting we were mates. She has stalked my movements since. I have so far managed to avoid her for the most part. But my patience ran out when I sensed her trespass on my territory last night. I did not expect her to be so reckless as to carry a weapon. Hell knows how she even obtained the thing."

Another long silence followed Sebastian's explanation as the humans assimilated this new knowledge. Bard broke it this time with a snort. "So, basically, you turned down a crazy lady who was just insane enough to kill you rather than take no for an answer." He rolled his eyes. "Seems to me you coulda saved everyone a lot of trouble if you'd just taken her up on it. I mean, I didn't get that good of a look, but she wasn't that bad looking. Crazy as a bat, but at least pretty."

Ciel went stiff in Sebastian's arms at the mere suggestion of the possibility that his mate might have done such a thing. His upper lip drew back in a snarl, eyes flashing with a sudden cold rage. Bard actually recoiled at the look directed towards him. It was remarkable how someone so diminutive and pretty could look so murderous.

"Uh, it was only a thought," Bard said sheepishly. "Didn't mean to offend . . ."

Sebastian made a soft sound of displeasure, rubbing Ciel's arms to soothe him. "I would sooner have driven that dagger into my own chest than taken her as my mate." And when Bard stared at him in confusion: "She has not tracked me for nearly a century for the sake of some short-lived encounter."

"Oh."

Bard glanced at Ciel's disgruntled expression and quickly looked away. And looking into their eyes, Ciel found confirmation that his staff had known, or at least suspected, far more than they ever let on about the relationship between their superior and their employer. He was suddenly struck by the depth of the servants' loyalty to a household from which most would flee at the first chance, only looking back in fear of being followed. But even now, they were still sitting there, relatively calm and making no move to run. They would be fine, Ciel knew. This was their home as much as it was Ciel's. Perhaps more so. And a strange unease squeezed his heart.

_We will not dessert them entirely. We can ensure a good life for them, at least. You didn't think I'd forget?_

_Well, as much as you complain about humans . . . and them in particular._

A flicker of amusement.

_Yes, well, they are a terrible nuisance. But they have at least offered me some small bit of entertainment. And, as you say, their loyalty is to be commended._

_Entertainment. Of course._

Ciel snorted aloud, drawing everyone's attention. Pulling himself from the tempting peace of Sebastian's quiet mental embrace, he examined each face before him. The servants looked back at him with quiet acceptance. Perhaps they had more questions but they had no apparent reservations, despite what they'd learned. But Lizzie . . . Oh Lizzie.

"Would you three please leave us for now," Ciel said quietly, addressing his staff with a rare gentleness. "We will be happy to answer any remaining questions later. But for now . . . I believe I need to speak with Lady Elizabeth in private."

As though waking from a trance, all three turned to see the girl in question, looking on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Pale as death and eyes wide and nearly vacant. As one, they rose from the sofa. They were gone so quickly, they might have never been there at all. Ciel forced himself to look into Lizzie's face and immediately missed their simple acceptance.

Lizzie blinked watery eyes, dislodging a few tears to roll in slow, solitary tracks down her cheeks. But still she managed to hold Ciel's gaze, hands clasped over her breast, shoulders hunched. She determinedly did not shift her eyes to the side to where Sebastian's inhuman eyes watched her with a kind of wary calm.

She bit her lip, barely noticing that she'd nearly chewed through the skin enough to draw blood. Her mind was a chaotic mess of emotions and confusion and she couldn't even decide if she wanted to scream at Ciel, to hit him or hug him. It took several tries to unstick her throat, but even when she did, she couldn't string her words together into anything resembling coherency.

Then her eyes dropped to see Ciel's fingers absently running along those unnaturally black nails, those deadly claws that were so obviously not human. And the resentful words spilled from her lips before she knew what she was saying.

"I thought you said we'd speak in private. What is _he_ still doing here?" 

Gaze still fixed on Ciel's hands, she didn't see his raised eyebrows or Sebastian's irritated glare.

"I am not going anywhere," Sebastian almost growled. "Not that it would make any difference for your so-called privacy if I did."

"Stop that," Ciel sighed. "You're not helping."

Sebastian made a soft, annoyed sound in the back of his throat, but kept quiet. Lizzie raised her eyes again to Ciel's face and for the first time, really saw the exhaustion etched in deep lines on his brow and around his mouth. A flicker of sympathy rose in her but it was quickly extinguished by her anger as she watched Ciel lean back further into Sebastian's embrace.

"What do you mean it wouldn't make a difference? What is going on here?" She tried to glare at Ciel, but fresh tears choked her voice despite her effort to hold them back. "Is what you told them true? Ciel, why would you do such a thing?"

Ciel sighed, tapping his fingers in an absent rhythm against Sebastian's. When he answered, his voice was infinitely weary. "To what do you refer precisely? Selling my soul to a creature of Hell, or not telling you the things that I knew would only traumatize you and ruin the light you've managed to hold onto despite loving me?"

Lizzie shook her head helplessly. "Both? . . . Ciel . . . what happened to you? I . . . I love you. I wanted so badly to see you smile again . . . but I never thought . . . I really don't know you, do I?"

"Lizzie . . ." Ciel appeared torn, staring into the distance as though searching for an answer in the air. "I never wanted you to have to deal with any of this. And now I don't know what to say."

"Start at the beginning, little soul," Sebastian said resignedly. "You should have known you couldn't protect her forever. This was never going to end well, regardless."

"Protect me?" Lizzie twisted her fingers in her scarf, needing something tangible to cling to. "How is keeping me in the dark and betraying me protection?"

Ciel groaned in sudden frustration, burying his face in his hands. Sebastian made a quiet, chiding sound and gently pulled Ciel's hands down, not allowing him to hide. Ciel reluctantly met his cousin's wet eyes again and sighed.

"All right. I will try to explain, but you may regret knowing when I've finished." Lizzie opened her mout, to say, what she wasn't sure, but Ciel continued speaking, voice falling into a chilling monotone as though he were reading this account from some ancient book about long forgotten people. "You are right, in a way. You don't know me. Or rather, you can't know my true self because I've not allowed you to see the perversion of myself my experiences have made of me. I have never told any of you what happened during that month after the fire. It would have been much kinder if I'd died with my parents. The people who held me were worshippers of some ancient deity, which I've not heard of before or since, and their rituals were quite . . . gruesome. I was not by far the only child they kept in their cages, used for their amusement until they grew tired of us and, one by one, sacrificed on their altar. I had the misfortune to have just enough pride to be the last to break. But I refused to die without making them suffer as I had. Sebastian was the first and only one to answer when I screamed. I accepted the contract he offered me willingly because I wanted nothing more, not from life or death."

Here, Ciel fell quiet, sharing an unreadable glance with Sebastian before clearing his throat softly and continuing. To Lizzie's relief, some emotion seemed to creep back into his voice, though she couldn't tell if it was regret or just simple sadness.

"You don't need to know the things I've done over the years but I know you know my position is not a pleasant one. I know I should never have let it go as far as it has. I can say I'm sorry for that, and, for once, I truly am. But when I returned, it was so hard not to simply let go and give up. All I had to keep me breathing was my thirst for revenge and a promise that I owed to the being who'd saved my life. Take it from me, Lizzie, that is no way to live. When all you have is hatred and darkness to cling to, you can't help but embrace it. So, though I knew I shouldn't, I also clung to you. Even though I always knew I would have to break your heart in the end one way or another. But I am selfish and you were the last bit of light I had. The others . . . well, perhaps they do care, in their way. But I could never be what they expect of me, not now. And then . . . Aunt An . . ." He swallowed and shook his head. "In any case, I know we are close to the goal of revenge I have been working towards. Truthfully, I didn't expect to live to see next year. But, things have . . . changed."

He paused again, glancing to Sebastian once more. Sebastian closed his eyes briefly and turned to press a kiss to the side of Ciel's neck, unashamed despite their audience. "If you still wish it, I do not need a contract to assist you with your goals, kitten."

Lizzie watched Ciel's face numbly, not quite able to process everything she was being asked to accept. But she noted the flash of gratitude and affection in Ciel's eyes at the strange endearment and her heart ached. Even after all her efforts, her love was still not enough.

"You love him?" She spoke through frozen lips, the realization settling over her like a shroud. "And . . . but you aren't even human!" Her gaze finally found Sebastian's and she forced herself not to flinch at the sight of those crimson, inhuman eyes.

"No," Sebastian agreed calmly, "I am not. And I do not wish to take the time to explain to you the intricacies of demonkind just now. Though I'm quite certain you are in no state to appreciate such an explanation. But we do form attachments in our own fashion and, perhaps, it would not be altogether inaccurate to call it some form of love. I would certainly not dissolve a contract and deprive myself of a meal for just anyone. And you have that connection to thank for being alive to be angry with us."

Lizzie stared in confusion and horror and this time it was Ciel who closed his eyes. "The injuries drained him. He might have killed any of us out of hunger."

Lizzie couldn't think about that statement, couldn't let herself dwell on horror when she needed answers. "But why?" she whispered, almost pleaded. "If you knew you would leave me, why did you let me think . . ."

"Because I'm selfish," Ciel repeated, exasperated. And then with a sigh, "And now I don't know how to end it without damaging your reputation. I couldn't care less about mine. But you deserve a chance at a happy future. It's the least I could give you."

"Perhaps that is a problem for another day," Sebastian said gently, stroking Ciel's arms. "I do not believe any of us are in the best state of mind for clear thinking and good decision making."

Lizzie stared down at her hands, absently noting the hem of her scarf was fraying beneath her fingers. "So you are leaving me. Even now that you know you won't die." It was not a question.

"It is for the best, Lizzie. For the both of us. I only need to find the best way to make the news public."

"Of course," Lizzie said faintly. She wanted to be alone, wanted the freedom to bury her face into a pillow and scream until the tangle of emotions released her to a numb sleep. And maybe, just maybe, when she woke, something of this incredible situation would make sense and her heart wouldn't hurt so much.

"I think," she said, slowly unfolding herself from her chair to stand on shaky legs, "that I should go home now."

It felt as though she were not the one speaking but that some other girl had taken over her body to handle it for her while she was too lost to do so. She heard Ciel's quiet sigh seemingly from a long way away. He nodded as Sebastian finally allowed him to stand.

"Perhaps you are right. We will hire a carriage."

Sebastian nodded, rising behind him. "Yes, I think that would be best. I'll call for one."

But he didn't move, hands still gripping Ciel's waist as though afraid that if they broke contact, the human would vanish. Ciel touched Sebastian's hands before gently pulling them away. He stepped forward stopping only a foot in front of his cousin. Behind him, Sebastian frowned, but held still.

"Lizzie," Ciel said, voice very quiet. "I know you probably won't believe this right now, but you should know that I do love you. As much as I can. And I am truly sorry that it is not enough. And I am sorry that I could not protect you from the things that hide in the darkness of this house. But I will do what I can to ensure you have a chance. And I will never forget."

Lizzie blinked rapidly, swallowing hard against the tears she swore she would not cry until she was safely alone. But her traitorous eyes were spilling over anyway and she could do nothing to stop it. She had no idea how she felt, whether she still loved this boy standing before her or whether she hated him for tearing her heart to pieces. But he looked so sincere, his expression open and honest as she hadn't seen it in years. So when Ciel took a step forward and willingly embraced her for the first time, she returned the hug with trembling arms and briefly pressed her face into his shoulder to hide the tears.

The moment was fleeting, over almost before Lizzie realized what was happening, but it was a moment she would remember until her dying day. And when Ciel stepped back and she lifted her face to see Sebastian standing beside him, she found the demon watching her, not with the barely veiled anger she'd expected, but with a kind of resigned fondness. She now understood the strange looks the butler had been casting in her direction with increasing frequency each time she took Ciel's hand or kissed his cheek. But when a black nailed hand reached out to gently smooth back her hair, the gesture held no hint of a threat.

"If you will wait here, someone will collect you when the carriage arrives," Sebastian said. "And I will send one of the others in with some tea if you like."

Lizzie nodded automatically and dropped gracelessly back into her chair. The two men exchanged a single glance and cast her one final look before turning and walking slowly from the room. Vaguely, Lizzie wondered if they noticed how their steps fell into perfect sync. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh.

A few moments later, Mey-Rin's voice roused Lizzie from her daze and she gladly took the proffered tea, wrapping her cold fingers around the hot cup. She should think of a story to tell her mother when she arrived home. A story that might explain her bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. It would be easier than trying to sort out her own feelings anyway. Perhaps, if she focused hard enough on something else, she could hold the shattered bits of herself together until she made it to the safety of her own bed.

And then she thought that perhaps this was how Ciel felt when all he knew had been stripped away to leave him alone and helpless against the pain. And the tears flooding her eyes finally spilled over. She couldn't bring herself to care.


	12. 11

Sebastian did one final sweep of the room, just to be certain. The floor was clean, the bed remade, the window repaired. No sign of the past day's events remained to recall that pain, save the dagger, cleaned and sharpened, resting on the nightstand. That, Sebastian was determined, would never be far from his mate's hand; it would be his best weapon in his new life. But Ciel had ordered the room cleaned to perfection and Sebastian had silently complied because, in truth, he too wanted all traces of that creature purged from his mate's home.

Finally satisfied, Sebastian crossed the room to the window seat where Ciel sat, curled in a small ball in one corner, staring out at the darkening sky with unseeing eyes. He didn't look up when Sebastian laid a gentle hand on his arm, but one small hand lifted to cover it. The demon sighed and lowered himself to sit beside his human, resigned to an emotional conversation he was in no mood to deal with. In the course of twenty-four hours, he'd gained considerable respect for humans that he'd never thought to view as more than food. These emotions were truly troublesome things.

"Do you wish to talk about it, little one?"

Ciel was quiet for a long moment, gaze fixed on a tree branch swaying in the wind just outside the window. Snow flurries drifted down to cover the barren wood in white, only to be knocked loose again a moment later. Sebastian was quite certain there would be a storm tonight. It was well that the house was quiet.

"I don't think there's anything left to talk about," Ciel finally answered. His voice was soft, downcast and weary.

Sebastian frowned. Ciel was numb, his mind confused, exhaustion weighing down his thoughts. He was in no condition to think clearly or make decisions just now. But they had time.

"Well, actually, there are quite a few things we should talk about." Ciel dropped his forehead against the cool glass of the window, unconsciously withdrawing. Sebastian moved his hand from Ciel's arm to curl his fingers into his hair, gently stroking. "But perhaps now is not the time. You need to rest, kitten."

Ciel sighed. "I don't know what to do," he whispered. "Every choice I can see seems like the wrong one."

Sebastian hummed softly, lightly scratching his claws against the back of Ciel's neck. "You know what I want."

Ciel nodded. He knew. Sebastian wanted to leave. To drop all of this and just leave. To take his mate home, to a home Ciel couldn't think about right now. Because this was the only home he'd ever known. But really, it hadn't been his home since his tenth birthday; it was just a perfectly created facsimile.

"It is your decision, Ciel," Sebastian murmured, trying to calm his mate's rising distress. "There is time, more time than I think you will ever know what to do with. I can wait, if you wish to live this life."

Ciel huffed a humorless laugh. "So we've decided that I am immortal now?"

"I can't say for certain, of course, but . . . I do not think you will die. My blood does run in your veins after all."

Ciel sighed again and finally turned from the window to lean into his demon's chest. He pressed his face against Sebastian's shoulder, sliding his arms around his waist. Sebastian's purr soothed the ache in Ciel's chest and he welcomed the fingers kneading the tense muscles in his shoulders.

"I still don't know what to think about this."

"About what, kitten?"

"About . . . us. I mean, not two weeks ago I was convinced I would not live another year. It feels rather strange to suddenly have an entire, endless future with the being who was supposed to eat me." 

"Well, I could still eat you."

The demon's voice was perfectly serious and Ciel went very still. And then he caught the edge of mischief beneath Sebastian's thoughts and the thread of lust twining out and around his own mind. He lifted his head to stare incredulously up into those glowing eyes.

"I don't . . . you . . ."

He gave up trying to articulate a response and lightly slapped Sebastian across the face.

A delighted laugh and the demon caught Ciel's wrist in a firm grip, clicking his tongue in mock disapproval. "Now, what was that for?"

"You know very well what that was for," Ciel grumbled. "Stop being an ass." 

Sebastian's smirk eased into a gentler smile. "Kitten, there is no need to worry yourself so. If you wish, we will discuss everything tomorrow. But I can feel your exhaustion."

Ciel dropped his head back down to Sebastian's shoulder. "I don't think I can sleep. Not like this."

"Hmm."

Sebastian ran a hand down his human's spine before gently gathering him into his arms. He carried a compliant Ciel across the room to the bed, laying him down amidst the fresh linens. And crawled onto the bed, sliding up over the smaller body. Ciel looked up at him with a frown, even as his hands came up to stroke along Sebastian's ribs.

"Sebastian, I don't know if . . ."

"Hush, little soul. I only want to help you relax."

Ciel closed his eyes and nodded. He could feel the lust coloring his demon's thoughts but it was muted, tempered by his contentment. Ciel knew this mood, though he had but rarely seen it from Sebastian. The demon was gentle, practically cuddly, nuzzling and licking and stroking. It was a very feline-like effort to soothe his distressed human. And Ciel accepted it gratefully; Sebastian's touch had always been calming, no matter the circumstances. Perhaps Sebastian was right. Perhaps they had both felt this connection somewhere deep down, even from the beginning.

Soft lips trailed down his cheek, along his jaw, and Ciel sighed his pleasure. He turned his face, hands curling around the back of Sebastian's neck to guide him, bringing their mouths together in a proper kiss, sweet and hot and wet. Sebastian purred against his mate's lips, warm hands caressing every inch of sensitive skin they could reach. Ciel ran his hands through Sebastian's hair in turn, massaging his scalp with short fingernails, swallowing his mate's soft moan of pleasure.

"Will you stop fighting then?" Sebastian murmured against Ciel's cheek.

Ciel sighed again, tilting his head back to offer Sebastian better access to his throat. The demon hummed in approval and immediately attacked the sensitive flesh with lips and tongue and the lightest graze of sharp teeth. Ciel groaned, arching beneath his demon, completely losing track of what he'd been asked. How on earth did the damn creature expect him to articulate anything when he was doing that?

Sebastian chuckled softly and withdrew, leaning up on his elbows to look down into Ciel's face. "I suppose you do have a point," he allowed. "I'll never get an answer if you can't concentrate long enough to remember the question."

"And whose fault is that?" Ciel snapped. But he wore an expression of only fond exasperation.

Sebastian's smile was smug. "Ah, yes. You are welcome."

"Why are we talking?" Ciel grumbled. He refused to admit there might have been a hint of a whine in his words.

"Because I want to know the answer to my question," Sebastian said, serious now.

Ciel's brow creased in annoyance. "I don't remember it," he muttered sheepishly.

"I know you don't, kitten." Sebastian ran his fingers through Ciel's bangs, pulling them back to see both of his eyes clearly. Ciel held his gaze. "I asked if you will stop fighting our connection." He hesitated a second before adding, "Today was the first time you began to think of me as your mate. I suppose you picked the word up from me, but I felt the sentiment behind it."

Ciel blinked slowly, chewing his lower lip anxiously. He swallowed, mind strangely quiet. "I am . . . still afraid."

"What exactly frightens you so, kitten? You will not let me see."

Ciel shook his head. "I don't even know how I'm doing that."

"You will learn," Sebastian assured.

"Well," Ciel's eyes grew distant. "I certainly have enough fears to choose from. Has it occurred to you that this is the first time in my life that I have no clue what my future will be?"

Sebastian shook his head slowly. But it made sense. Ciel was born the heir to an estate and a title and a business that he was raised to take over from his father at the proper time. When that future was stolen from him, he'd spent weeks in captivity and misery, believing any day would be his last. And then, he'd formed a contract with a demon who promised him the fulfillment of a wish, a premature death and the ultimate end. He had always known where he stood in the present, even if his future had a tendency towards unexpected twists. Sebastian delicately traced the lines of his mate's face with the tip of one claw, contemplating the weary look in those gorgeous eyes.

"I see. But you are not one to shy away from the unknown. Nor back down from a challenge." Sebastian frowned, separating a brief flicker of something from Ciel's thoughts. "You welcome the challenge," he realized, smirking.

Ciel snorted. "Well, I have no intention of giving anyone any more advantage over me than they already have."

Sebastian's smile held a hint of pride and Ciel flushed slightly.

"So then," he continued slowly, "there is something else altogether which is causing you to pull away from me."

Ciel was silent for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was almost too quiet for human ears to catch, his words bleak. "If I don't allow myself to hope, it won't hurt when this is inevitably torn away from me. Like everything else that has ever made me happy."

Sebastian's eyes widened. His chest seized, something in those words, in that broken, fragile expression, cutting him to the core. If demons had nothing resembling a soul, then why did Sebastian's insides ache with the desire to wrap himself around his mate and wash all hint of that terrible scent of despair from his skin? But it was in his blood and so sweet on his tongue. Still, he would not add to it. It was not his to claim; it would never be of his doing.

"My Ciel," Sebastian whispered, catching his human's face between his palms and forcing Ciel's eyes to his. "I will not leave you. I would have died last night if I did not have you to protect, to keep me here. And if anything ever takes you from me, I will go mad. There are stories, passed between us as warnings, of demons whose mates were attacked and killed, who went feral and were put down by mutual agreement of all factions to protect both the mortal and immortal planes. To attack the mate of another demon is the one true taboo among us because of the fear of provoking such madness. So, whatever you feel about it, I cannot leave you. That is why I never wanted a mate; it is a vulnerability. But it is also one of the few joys we can claim." His words trailed into silence, gaze thoughtful.

Ciel closed his eyes, trying to banish the image of his demon, all sanity gone, stripped of the control he took such pride in, hunted from all sides. He couldn't think of this right now. "Time. I need time."

"Yes," Sebastian sighed. "Perhaps time is the only thing which will convince you. But--" that damn smirk was suddenly back in full force and Ciel glared suspiciously up at him-- "in this moment, I don't see that much has changed. I am still simply one hell of a butler, tasked with helping my master sleep." 

Ciel rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to knee Sebastian in the stomach. Not that it would hurt the bastard anyway. "You are an idiot. Well, get on with it then, if you--"

Ciel's words were cut off by the press of Sebastian's lips and he moaned as a hand suddenly slid between his legs, squeezing. His legs fell open, arms locking around Sebastian's shoulders as his moans grew louder. Those unnaturally beautiful eyes sparkled in the low light and the demon nipped his mate's lower lip, drawing the smaller tongue out. He smiled as Ciel's hips jerked up against his massaging palm, relishing the feeling of the growing hardness beneath the fabric of Ciel's shorts.

A quiet sound of annoyance left the demon's throat and he pulled out of the kiss. Ciel whined, reaching for him as Sebastian tugged free of those slender arms. Gaze gentle, he shushed his human, stroking the side of his face with one hand. Ciel calmed, watching Sebastian with hooded eyes, waiting.

Satisfied, the demon ran his hands down Ciel's slender chest, claws tugging at his buttons. Careless of ruining the clothing, Sebastian pulled the fabric away from his mate's body, purring in delight as his hands finally slid across soft, warm skin. Ciel moaned at his demon's touch and Sebastian responded with a quiet moan of his own, leaning down to nuzzle his cheek against the silken skin of Ciel's inner thigh as he tossed aside the torn shorts.

"Hmmmm. Your skin is so soft," Sebastian sighed, running his hands up and down Ciel's ribs.

Ciel stretched, back arched, head tilted back into the pillows. He felt his demon's eyes sliding over him, taking in every inch, his desire covering Ciel in a blanket of warmth. It was one of the greatest of the unintentional gifts this demon had ever given him, to feel wanted. Sebastian's purr was loud enough to fill the room as he leaned over, trailing light kisses along Ciel's brow, over his eyes, down his cheek, along his jaw.

"Why are you still dressed?"

The words left Ciel's lips slightly slurred with sleepy pleasure and Sebastian chuckled softly. Ciel tried to frown at him and tugged at the offending clothing. He only succeeded in pouting adorably and drawing another gentle laugh from his mate.

But at least the demon did strip off his own clothes, tossing them carelessly to the floor with Ciel's. Humming in satisfaction, Ciel pulled Sebastian down over him again, running his hands through his hair, finding his lips again. Sebastian sighed softly against Ciel's kisses and slid a thigh between Ciel's, providing friction. Ciel moaned, nails scratching lightly across Sebastian's shoulders as his grip tightened. His hips unconsciously thrust up, rubbing his aching member against the firm muscle. Lost to the blissful friction and decadent kisses, he almost missed Sebastian's words murmured against his lips.

"Tell me what you want, my little soul."

Ciel gasped, turning his face to the side to catch his breath. Only to lose it again on a needy moan as Sebastian's mouth latched onto his nipple instead. "I . . . I want you . . . mmmh . . . Sebastian."

Sebastian let the tip of a fang graze against the tiny peak of flesh and Ciel whined.

"What was that, kitten?" he teased, kissing a wet trail across Ciel's chest to attack the other nipple.

"Ahh . . . I want . . . your mouth."

A deep purr of satisfaction rumbled in the demon's chest and he leaned up to press a kiss to Ciel's temple. But as he shifted downward again, Ciel caught his hand, drawing Sebastian's gaze back to his.

"Wait."

Sebastian tilted his head in question, hair falling over his shoulder to pool across Ciel's chest. Ciel's eyelids fluttered, a soft moan escaping him on a sigh. His mind slipped out of focus again, distracted by sensation and desire. Sebastian chuckled softly, gently brushing his free hand down the side of his mate's face.

"Ciel? Are you still with me?"

Ciel blinked slowly up at him. His soft expression was a sharp contrast to the cold mask he displayed to the rest of the world and Sebastian loved the dichotomy that was his human. And that gentle submission was only his to see. The demon ran a possessive hand down the graceful line of Ciel's neck, chasing the touch with feathery kisses. Ciel's head dropped back, his eyes sliding closed again.

"Sebastian," he whined, shaking his head as wandering fingers stroked the delicate skin over his collarbone. "I was trying to say . . . mmm . . . to tell you . . ."

"Yes, kitten?"

Sebastian's eyes flashed with amusement and he lowered his weight onto the body beneath him, bringing their members into delicious contact.

"Damn it, Sebastian. That's not fair."

Ciel groaned helplessly as Sebastian slowly rolled his hips, rubbing them together, causing them both to sigh in pleasure. But Ciel had a point. He'd intended to comfort his mate, not tease him senseless. He stilled, bringing his hand to cup a smooth cheek, and squeezed Ciel's hand.

"What are you trying to say?"

"I want . . ."

Ciel hesitated, blushing and glancing to the side, unable to actually speak his desires aloud now that it came to it. Sebastian smirked. Even after everything Ciel had learned from him, after eagerly participating in acts which would horrify most of this society, he still couldn't bring himself to ask for what he wanted.

"It is not amusing," Ciel grumbled.

Before Sebastian could retort that it was, indeed, very amusing, an image rose to the forefront of Ciel's thoughts, distracting him utterly. Ciel growled in frustration, all but throwing the thought into the ocean of Sebastian's consciousness. He couldn't unlock his throat to release the words, but that didn't mean he didn't know exactly what he wanted.

Sebastian's eyes darkened, a soft growl making Ciel shiver. Lips brushed his ear, breath hot against his neck.

"I think I can arrange that. If that is what you wish, my lord." 

Ciel considered scoffing at the teasing form of address, but quickly decided it wasn't worth it. Instead, he wound his fingers into Sebastian's hair and pulled him down into a deep kiss.

"Yes," he murmured against the demon's lips. "I want you. Please, Sebastian."

"How could I possibly say no to such a pretty request?"

Pulling back, Sebastian urged his mate onto his side before flipping his own body into a reverse position. He licked his lips as he leaned in to nuzzle the hardened length practically begging for attention. Ciel gasped and sighed and a second later, a small hand curled over Sebastian's hip as soft lips trailed tantalizing kisses down the underside of his own erection. Sebastian hummed in appreciation and gripped Ciel's hip in turn to hold him still as he gently closed his lips around the swollen head. He swirled his tongue around the hot flesh, licking into the tiny slit to taste the first drops of precum, moaning softly in pleasure.

Ciel trembled as the gentle vibrations sent shivers up his spine. Determined not to be outdone, he buried his nose into the sensitive crease of his demon's thigh, breathing in his scent, nipping there, delighting in the shudder he earned. Moaning as Sebastian's fingers tightened on his hip, claws pricking his skin, and his mouth slid further down along his length, Ciel bit his lip to remind himself not to get distracted. He ran his hand down to curl his fingers around Sebastian's base and leaned in to run his tongue from base to tip in one long swipe. Sebastian tightened his lips, increasing the suction, playfully challenging. Ciel groaned and gave up on his half-hearted teasing, taking his mate into his mouth. He smirked in triumph as Sebastian moaned this time and the demon dragged his claws teasingly across the hypersensitive flesh of Ciel's lower back. Ciel jerked, unintentionally thrusting deeper into Sebastian's mouth. But the demon only purred in satisfaction and curled his tongue to trace every vein. Ciel tightened his hand, stroking the inches his mouth couldn't reach as he slowly sank down, hollowing his cheeks, sucking hard. Short fingernails dug into Sebastian's thigh as Ciel breathed carefully through his nose, consciously relaxing his throat, no easy task with that wicked mouth sliding over him so deliciously. But he wanted to swallow his demon whole, wanted to drown in his taste. It was only recently that Ciel had succeeded in conquering his gag reflex completely and the way it made Sebastian melt always thrilled him.

A violent shudder shook Sebastian's frame as those thin fingers loosened and lips finally tightened around his base, a hot throat contracting around him. A guttural groan escaped him causing Ciel to shudder in turn, and Sebastian tossed aside his own teasing and mimicked his mate's enthusiasm. They matched each other in every movement, retreating only to sink back down, swallowing to provoke moans and shivers. The rhythm was unconscious as their hold on individuality slipped and the pleasure became a nearly physical thing, a velvet rope wound around them, binding them inescapably together. Nails raked across skin, sharp claws left thin scarlet lines, and both of them gasped for breath between their moans. When they finally fell from the precipice, they fell wrapped around one another, both of them swallowing and uncertain whose taste belonged to whom and neither caring. They clung together, trembling through aftershocks of pleasure and breathing hotly against each other's skin for a long, quiet moment before slowly sinking back into themselves with identical sighs of satisfaction.

Ciel relaxed back into his pillows, still panting lightly, a helpless little smile curling his lips. Sebastian hummed softly, gently stroking a hand along Ciel's side before moving back. Ciel rolled lazily onto his stomach, feeling the bed shift as the demon rearranged himself beside him. A light hand landed on his back. Then a hot tongue was gently tracing along the thin scratches left across his flesh, bathing away the slight sting. Sebastian was purring again, reveling in the taste on his tongue even as he contentedly soothed his mate.

When he finally straightened from his task, Ciel reached out a sleepy hand. His fingers tangled in silken hair and he pulled gently.

"Lie with me."

Sebastian smiled, gladly obeying. He wrapped himself around his mate, nuzzling his face into his hair. Ciel sighed, contented now despite all the worries still clamoring for his attention. Sebastian reached down and pulled the blankets up over them, tucking the smaller body closer, surrounding Ciel in warm comfort. And Ciel buried his face against Sebastian's neck and closed his eyes.

"So do you think you can sleep now?"

"Hmmmm."

Sebastian chuckled softly and rubbed his cheek against his mate's soft hair. "Rest then, my little soul. There will be time enough in the morning to face the unknown."

Ciel sighed softly. "And you swear to me this is not just a temporary diversion?"

The fragile hope in the small voice made the demon smile, if a bit sadly. It was the first time he'd seen that light illuminate his human's soul and he couldn't deny that he found it absolutely beautiful. Darkness had its value and thrills, but a light which could find a spark within that darkness was a mark of true strength of spirit.

"I swear, Ciel. I will stay by your side. And now," he whispered, pressing his lips against Ciel's temple, "there will never come an end to part you from me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post the epilogue on Friday.


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, i know I said I'd post this tomorrow. but given that it's the last day of the month it kinda feels fitting to end the story today. Also, I can't sleep.

May 1891

Dear Lizzie,

I'm sure you are wondering why I didn't simply mail this letter to you in the normal fashion. I assure you, I have a good reason.

I know I have made your life a misery of uncertainty for the past few months, and for that, I am sorry. But, in my defense, we had not made our decision until recently. I'm quite sure it will be the headline in tomorrow's papers. It is rather an ironic circumstance. But I wanted you to know the truth of the matter, rather than the story we have devised to fool the general public. I owe you at least that much.

I have thought this decision through very carefully over the past weeks; I cannot devise a more fitting end. The manor will be no great loss really. It was built from the ashes by a demon's hand and the darkness clings to every corner. But then, the shadows lived here long before I was born. My affairs are in order; I have sent all the papers with the servants to my townhouse, out of harm's way. They will be the only others who will know the truth. But this would be a completely useless endeavor if everyone knew.

I suppose I am not making very much sense. Forgive me. But this letter is my last apology and, I hope, it will ease your mind a bit.

Whatever you hear from the papers, from the gossips, I am not dead. I suspect you could probably have guessed that, knowing what you now know. But you deserve a straight answer. I chose this path because I can no longer live this sham of a life. I am tired of the chains of duty and the demands of a society which never did me any service. And by doing this, I have set you free to love whomever you wish, with no damage to either of us. I sincerely hope you can find someone worthy of your love. As I could never be.

I have left everything I own to you, save the manor, of course. Do what you will. I know there is great intelligence behind the facade of the perfectly proper lady. The business is run quite well by my employees and I know Uncle will want a hand in directing it. But it is yours by all legal rights. I expect it will be quite the incentive for any young man hoping to court you. But, I hope you will not choose your future rashly. I know you will not.

I am sorry, Lizzie. I know I have said it before and I know that words are just words. But if I have any humanity left, you are the reason. Thank you for trying for all these years. I will not abandon you, even now. You are still family and the only one left alive who ever showed me the empathy I would not admit I needed. Just know that you are protected. Your life is now yours to do with as you will and perhaps, one day, we will meet again. Until then, I hope you will find the happiness I could not give you.

Love,  
Ciel

* * *

Outside the window the sky was dark, a moonless night, clouds hiding the stars. Lizzie sat at her vanity, letter in hand, reading through the words for the fifth time that day. Her eyes were dry; she'd done her crying in January. Now . . . now it seemed that a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She had indeed been miserable, waiting for some word from Ciel as to what he would do. She had said nothing to anyone about the breaking of her engagement. She'd trusted Ciel when he said he would find a way to dissolve their betrothal which would not damage her reputation, would allow her to move on and find a partner worthy of her. And perhaps, after everything, she might have not trusted Ciel with anything. But she did. She could not help it, even now, could not help her feelings. And once the tears washed her anger clean, she could not really blame him for his actions. He had done the best he could and she could not say she was any less selfish than him.

She'd woken to find this letter on her window sill, apparently slipped through the small crack she'd left to let in the night air. But relief gave way to confusion when she read over Ciel's words. The headlines, though, had indeed cleared up any doubt.

The Phantomhive manor had burned to the ground for the second time in five years. Ironic and fitting indeed. And this time there was no doubt that anyone had survived. According to the papers, the authorities had unearthed charred bones in the ashes. Lizzie swallowed at that thought, choosing not to speculate where they might have gotten bones to stage such a scene. Although, she had to admire the thoroughness.

The servants had been sent to town the day before, ostensively to prepare the house for their master's arrival to the city. Ciel and his butler were to join them the next day. But they never made it to the morning. Or, at least, that was the story. One careless mistake, they said. A candle left burning and knocked over, catching papers and carpet and curtains alight. As if Sebastian would ever allow such a thing. But Lizzie kept this thought to herself. Ciel had entrusted her with a secret and she held that knowledge close to her breast and cherished the relief. 

She cried, of course, because she was expected to mourn. But she mourned, not for the death everyone else called such a tragedy, but for the future that could have been. She mourned the innocence she'd lost that night in January. Still, somewhere behind her sadness, her heart was healing. She had hope. And the knowledge that Ciel was finally happy.

The servants had produced all the relevant legal documents. They had not been read yet, but she knew. Everything. He'd left everything to her. It was a daunting thought. But it was his last gift to her, and it brought tears to her eyes. She vowed to do his memory justice.

She folded the paper carefully, setting it in a bottom drawer. The one which locked. She didn't have many secrets, and this was perhaps the greatest. Slipping the tiny key on its silver chain back around her neck, Lizzie crossed the room to climb into bed. She blew out the candle and crawled beneath warm blankets with a sigh. Idly she wondered when Ciel expected them to ever meet again. Perhaps that was best left unquestioned. But a bubble of anticipation she'd not felt in years blossomed in her stomach. Her future was bright. She would have her debut, perhaps next year, and she found herself excited by the prospect. She loved Ciel, always would, but she understood that it was kinder to let him go than to force him to change, to cover up his wounds and scars, for her. Closing her eyes in the darkness, Lizzie smiled a true smile for the first time in months. Everything would be all right. She would miss her friend. But she would not mourn what was not lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank all of you who read this story and for all of your awesome ego-boosters. I am genuinely happy that even one person found enjoyment in reading anything I write so yay!  
> But as I said at the beginning, I have a randomly detailed head cannon around this particular story so if anyone would particularly like to read something else in this au, just say so. I'll probably write it if I don't get bogged down by writer's block. It's not like I'm doing anything else with my life at the moment other than popping antibiotics like candy. *whine whine bitch moan* No seriously, I've been sick for this entire summer so far & every comment and kudos I get, as well as all the awesome stories I get to read from other people makes me happy.   
> Anyway, have fun with your feels now. *cue maniacal laughter*


End file.
